caius cassius and heaven
by arushi
Summary: Everyone is dead, and their paths cross once more in 'heaven'. The new modern day JC starring Cassius, Portia, Brutus, Titinius, and a fairy godmother. Almost complete. It's cute, funny, and at times, romantic. Lots of randomness and silly pairings. R
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter one.**

Caius Cassius looked around; where was he?

The sun shone on his face, he blinked, squinting as he opened his eyes for a second time. As the brightness of the dazzling light seemed to fade a little, he opened his eyes again, properly. He couldn't seem to place where he was (as said in the first line. Saying this again in case you haven't grasped it yet- Cassius is somewhat lost.) The cloud he was standing on seemed a little too puffy. He looked down, expecting to see solid ground, but was surprised to see what seemed like an endless blue, stretching as far as his eyes could go. He then noticed his clothes; they were white, but then, they always were, so no big deal. He scratched his head confusedly.

'Oh ye Gods,' he whispered, mostly to himself. Shakespeare's characters always had this irritating habit of talking to themselves.

Hadn't he just committed suicide? But then how-?

'Good morning, Mr. Cassius,' said a voice, which was not talking to itself but to Cassius, 'I see, or rather you see, that your time has come. So, I think its hell for you.'

'Peace! Art thou Saint Peter? Answer me directly! '

'Don't be stupid. Christianity hasn't been founded yet. That's good for you, heaven it is then. It's so difficult keeping track of the time. I'm so confused, I am.' The 'I'm so confused, I am,' part of the sentence had been directed from the saint to himself. Total Shakespeare.

'Good,' said Cassius and on entering the gates yelled back, 'I art Shakespeare's Cassius, with a heart deeper than Pluto's mine. Real Cassius hath lived looooooong back. Christianity has been foundst but I'm here now. Good bye, person.' And he ran like hell.

Many years later. 

Brutus rubbed his eyes. Another morning in heaven.

Portia groaned. Another cup of tea to make for Mark, who still insisted on calling himself Marcus Brutus.

Portia looked at him grumpily, 'Good morning, Mark.'

'Good morrow gentle Portia,' -Portia rolled her eyes-, 'I awake to your gentle face again.'

'I am NOT gentle,' said Portia, 'Move with time. It's 2006.'

'But sweet Por-'

'I am not sweet. I am a man in a woman's body. Man's mind, woman's might in your language, not that you have heard about anything like that, you narrow-minded man.'

'Um,' said Brutus, 'Thou art strong? Like a man?'

'YOU STUPID SEXIST!'

'Sexist?' this word was new to Brutus.

'You're a sexist, yea, that you are! I mean you're a sexist, yeah, that's what you are! Mark, get a life. Women are strong.'

'But thou art man's mind, woman's might,' argued Brutus.

'Even so,' said Portia, 'maybe I should get a hormone transplant.'

Brutus nodded, completely unaware of the meaning of those two words, 'what you will, gentle Portia.'

'That's right,' said Portia and then realized the extent of what Brutus had said, even though he hadn't, 'Ohhhh my gaaaaaaaawd, you mean you agree? Oh, Brutus, I so love you!'

'Gentle Po-,' Brutus called out, but she had gone yelling, 'Sexist! I am NOT gentle! But, bye!'

He went outside, for a walk. He was in for a surprise.

Caesar's home

'Calphurnia,' said Caesar.

'Calphurnia, oh seriously Julius, you can just call me Cal. I mean Cal-Phur-Nia is soooooooo long.'

'Sorry,' apologised Caesar, 'I'm bored.' This was Caesar, who was ruler of the world. Once upon a time.

'Go for a walk.'

'Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine. But only because you say so.'

Cassius 

Cassius smiled. Heaven rocked. Lots of fruits, lots of puffy white clouds and lots of soliloquy. What more could a man ask for? He was cute and single; he had broken up with his wife ages ago. He was also the most popular guy in heaven. Everyone knew him or had at least heard of him, almost everyone that is. Where was Brutus? He had met Caesar, but that was loooooong back. Caesar had just told him to shut the hell up and get lost and away from his sight, and that had been about it.

Cassius walked, he walked at this time everyday; he had to keep himself fit (and sexy).

Tatatatatatata,' he sang, a pair of headphones was attached to his ears, he was wearing a torn pair of jeans, a loose T-shirt, and a pair of sunglasses even though it was just six in the morning. He looked terribly cool.

Brutus walked a few metres in front of him, wondering what his wife was up to. He wasn't upset since being upset in heaven simply isn't allowed. It is against the rules.

He kept his head down and continued walking. Portia had gone nuts, she had. Man's mind, woman's might. Whatever. Maybe she really was a man. Maybe she had some kind of mental problem. Maybe she just wanted him to do something, and it was below her dignity to tell him what. He'd ask her out to dinner; perhaps that would solve it. These weren't his thoughts though. Translate this into that old typa English, and those were his thoughts.

'Mark?'

'Why, fellow, thee knows me?'

'Uh, I suppose I do, I just said "Mark", and that's your name. Still always stating the obvious, are we?'

'I know not.'

Cassius raised an eyebrow. He tilted his head sideways to look at Brutus more properly. Then, as if remembering something, he smiled.

'What?' Brutus asked.

'I was remembering your lines. "Why, if we do meet again, we shall smile". Act 5 scene I. line 117. Why aren't you smiling?'

"Brother!' Brutus cried out, 'when-'

Cassius raised a hand to stop him, 'Two things Mark, one, its brother-in-law, not brother. We don't share the same parents, now do we? Live in the present. And two, I've broken up with your sister, so I'm not even your brother-in-law. And that was ages ago. Is this the first time you're coming out in years?'

Brutus didn't say anything, and his silence answered Cassius' question.

'Really Mark, it's good this is heaven, or you would've gained lots of weight. Lots and lots of weight. Like millions, maybe. And kilos, not pounds.'

Brutus stared at Cassius, after wondering for a moment where he had heard those words before and what they meant. He figured out the answer only to the former and said, 'You talk like Portia.'

Cassius knew that name, but wasn't quite aware of its relation to Brutus, 'I know Portia,' he said, 'Hadn't she, like, died? Swallowed what?'

'Fire-', began Brutus.

'You can't swallow fire,' said Cassius wisely, 'coals maybe, not fire. It's too, erm, unswallowable.'

'Thou art dead too,' Brutus pointed out. This was the closest he had ever gotten to normal English. He felt terribly proud of himself for a moment, and smiled.

'So have you recognized me yet? What's my name? "Brother" does not count. So who am I? ', Cassius asked hopefully, noticing Brutus' smile.

'Hmmmmmmm…..'

'Helllllllllllllllllllllllllo, Brrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooootus! It's me!' Cassius waved his arms around desperately.

'Uh, brother. I hath already said, a minute ago.'

'I mean my NAME! All this brother crap won't do, I already told you. And I WAS your brother-IN-LAW. Law law law!'

Brutus racked his brain and searched his head for his brother's, who insisted on not being called his brother's name.

'Ca-ca-aaaaa,' hinted Cassius, 'S-s-s-s-s-s-sssssssss,'

'Casca?'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

'Caesar.'

'Tyranny! Autocracy! We will walk the streets and yell, "Freedom! Liberty-'

'And the water of Tiber shall flood her banks.'

Cassius narrowed his eyes, 'You copied that dialogue; it was Marullus'.'

'Sorry,' said Brutus and then he realized the truth. How could he not have noticed it before?

'Nay, Flavius.'

'Whatever, some tribune. Now guess my name. Ca-aaaaa-sssssssssssssss.'

'Metullus Cimber,' said Brutus timidly.

'Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.'

'Serpent?'

'No, think again. Freedom, liberty, republicanism…these words seem familiar?'

'Uh, Calphurnia?'

'She was tyranny's wife, for Pete's sake, Bru.'

'Octavius?'

'Great-nephew.'

'Marcus Antonius.'

'Oh, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!'

'Lucius?'

'Your boy-servant? You know that's child labour?'

'Thou art Lucius then?'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Brutus, Caaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.'

'Casca?'

'You've already guessed Casca.'

'I apologise to thee.'

'Thee rhymes with tea, or sea. Cool, huh?'

'Cicero?'

'He was OLD.'

'Harry Potter?'

'Maybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,' veiled Cassius.

'I'm right! Peace, ho!'

'No, but uh…ho? Ho? Excuse me? What are you, Santa?'

'Perhaps,' said Brutus, 'thou art Santa. Answer me directly.'

'You live in heaven and you don't know who Santa is. Santa, hello? What did you get for Christmas last year?'

'Christmas! Thou callst thyself Christmas!'

'Drop that funny accent. And improve your grammar. We could go to grammar school together, like Shakespeare did.'

'Shakespeare?'

'For how many years have you been living here? Several thousand? And you don't know who the big boss here is?'

'Ye gods.'

'No, that's for _real_ people. Everyone goes to their creator in the end. Our creator, Will, and all his creations live here. To think that you are the hero of one of his famous tragedies.'

'Wasn't Julius, who doth bleed for justice's sake, the hero?'

'Hellllllllllo? But who was the noblest Roman of them all? Brutus!'

'Uh,' Brutus was running out of good dialogues.

'Antony said that, if you care.'

'I didn't hear that. I was dead,' said Brutus, in his most normal English, he hadn't said it purposefully though; it had been a slip of tongue.

'Your English is improving,' Cassius noticed, 'and I just met you two minutes ago.'

'I thank thee.'

'Not again,' Cassius moaned, 'but forget that, guess my name now.'

'He comes!' gasped Brutus (anything to avoid bro's stupid question), as a man walked past them. He was somewhat bigger than the rest of them, bald but with a nice long beard. He had a bright aura surrounding him, and he looked terribly pleased with himself.

'Thank you all,' he smiled, as everyone present on the street had started clapping, 'it's me, Will. Shakespeare. The man.'

'Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah,' everyone shouted.

'Brutus,' said Will, turning to look at him, 'ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,'- he paused to create the impression that he was very, very, very wise. And why not? He was the great god guy in this heaven, -'I knew you would come; I had written it down. I am a famous playwright after all. How are you? I understand that you cannot adapt to these, erm'-he waved his arms carelessly around, 'conditions. And clouds. And stuff. I understand because I wrote it down.'

'Excuse me, sir, Mister Shakespeare,' Cassius butted in, 'don't mean to be rude but that would mean that you rule us all. We are at your mercy. You are, um, dictator.' The very idea seemed to trouble Cassius to such a great extent that his hair stood on their ends, like he had spikes. But then, they always were and he could have gotten that artificially done at his favourite beauty parlour-"Wigs, soliloquy, hair cuts and styles, make-up and stuff for men pretending to be women, (Will's women were played by men, as we all know) who pretend to be men (Like in "Twelfth night/what you will", or "the Merchant of Venice" or "As you like it" or any of his other plays.) and free plastic-surgeries if you're ugly enough"

'Think me as a serpent's egg/which, hatch'd would, as my kind grow mischievous/and kill me in the shell,' said Shakespeare in a bored way.

No one spoke and everyone stared at the man. There was silence for a long long time. Everyone looked nervously at each other as Cassius' hand itched for the dagger in his jeans' pocket, only to realize that his dagger had been replaced with a big-fat gun many years back. Should he take it out? Should he? Shouldn't he? The conflict in his mind irritated him; wasn't it usually Brutus who had all these stupid problems? If he did shoot Will, the bullet would only go through him, which would look horribly uncool and extremely lame. But he also wanted to show his love for republicanism (and his nice gun, which was decorated with pink flowers which all looked really pretty) off.

Which was why he was relieved when Will said, "I am only joking of course.'

Cassius grinned, took his gun out (which was actually a bubble-gun), flashed it around, heard a lot of "oooooooooooh"s and "aaaaaaaaah"s and kept it back rather cheerfully.

'Joke?' Great-immortal Caesar had appeared out of nowhere.

'Peace! Ho! Caesar speaks!'

'Shut up, Casca.' yelled everyone who was on that street, 'Everyone knows you were one of the conspirators.'

'Sorry.'

'Joke,' explained Will, 'I can be funny when I want.'

'Then why kill me?' asked Caesar.

'Thou art revenged. Isn't that good enough for you? Not everyone gets that.'

Caesar seemed to be thinking, 'Erm.'

'Peace! Ho! Caesar speaks!'

'Shut up, Casca!'

'Sorry,' Casca apologised again

'I win,' said Shakespeare, 'thou art revenged. I mean, you ought to be satisfied with that. I am sure Brutus would love to be revenged-.'

'My love for Caesar-,' began Brutus, but Shakespeare cut him of with a wave of his hand and said, 'let me continue. Aaaaaah, where was I? Brutus would love to be revenged, but I didn't give it to him-.'

'Why on earth would Mark want revenge?' asked Cassius, but Shakespeare wasn't listening to him, probably because he didn't know how to reply to his stupid questions. They bugged him and went against everything he had written down. Cassius had free will. Lots and lots and lots of it. Instead Shakespeare continued, 'did I give it to him?'

'He didn't need it,' Cassius boldly pointed out, 'We killed Julius. Mark killed himself. He'd have to "revenge'd himself", wouldn't he?'

'He thinks too much,' said Caesar, 'such men are dangerous. Act I scene 2. Line, um, forgotten. Can't remember everything and repeat it forever. I'm not a parrot. But as I was saying, such men are dangerous.'

'Yes,' agreed Shakespeare.'

'Oh, so because I am not fat and am an insomniac,' Cassius cried, his voice filled to the brim with emotion, 'you will discriminate against me, refuse to answer my queries, and call me dangerous? You are simply MEAN. And I have good hair now, see, spikes?'

'I had said sleek-headed men in my speech,' said Julius.

'You are too much, Mr. Parrot, and the rest of you are no less! I am leaving! Goodbye all!'

With these words, Cassius left the scene.

Back to Portia

'So, um how do I get a hormone transplant?' Portia asked nervously. She had always wanted this, and had always been too afraid to ask Mark, not quite sure of what his answer would be, afraid that he would leave her, scared of being alone. She had friends, of course, but they weren't the same as Mark. She did love him, but for how long could she keep her sexuality a secret? I am sure you can all understand how excited she is about this, dear readers.

'Many girls come to us with that question,' said the old man she was talking to, 'Many many many. And you know why?'

'How would I know?'

'Ever noticed you girls dress up as men?'

'Uh?'

'It's because you ARE men,' saying this, the old man Portia was talking, stretched his arm and pulled Portia's wig out.'

She (he) only stared at him, eyes wide open.

'Shakespeare's women are played by men. You, young man, are a man.'

'How nice,' said Portia, 'I never knew.'

'It's a man's world out there.'

'I've noticed.'

'So, wanna revolt?'

'For what?'

'Women rights of course.'

'We need women to fight for women rights.'

'Young man, Portia. I've noticed you. You believe that women are as strong as men, but are forced to be as they are, weak underlings. You and I can stand very strong together. Men are incomplete without women. We must stand up for what we believe in. We need females. We need people to cook our dinners-that part was a joke, don't stare me so. -That last line was old English, cool huh? –but forget that, we will get women, and we will fight for their rights.'

'Uh. Question,' Portia raised his hand dully, 'how?'

'We will need people to join our movement. Hahahahahahahahahahaha!'

'Shakespeare's characters were played by young boys by the way, not men.'

'Ever heard of the process of aging?'

'Ohhhh-kay. My husband's crazy, he won't join. But I think I know someone who will. May I know your name?'

The man stared at her, stretched his hand for Portia to shake and said, 'that hardly matters.'

Now to Brutus

'Brutus,' said Shakespeare, playing with his fingers like Mr. Burns from "The Simpsons", 'Brutus , Brutus, Brutus.'

'That's me,' said Brutus, thinking the very same time that it was a tremendously foolish thing to say. Where, just WHERE had all his dialogues gone? Would they ever return? And how?


	2. Chapter 2

_**CHAPTER TWO**_

_**Summary:- Heaven? This? Where are the angels? Where is god, and those grapes, they just finished…and surprisingly, everyone are in their bodies…is it possible? And ANOTHER love triangle? Another long pathetic love-story, or not? More conspiracies. **_

Brutus

'Brutus,' said Shakespeare, 'have some grapes.' Grapes were very popular in heaven, along with apricots, honey and wine.

'Brutus reached for the basket holding the grapes, but found it to be empty.

'Oops,' said Will, 'They're over.'

Over? The grapes in Brutus' home had lasted for millennia, and yet, the basket of grapes here was empty. He kept his thoughts to himself though.

'Okay,' said Brutus. Portia had taught that word to him, and he was rather fond of it. It sounded like just two letters. O and K. How nice.

'What are you thinking?' Will asked.

'Does not thee know?'

Will opened his mouth, closed it, wondering what to say. Not quite meeting Brutus in the eye he said, 'Of course.'

Cassius

' Caius,'

'Yeah,'

'You like girls?'

'Girls. I suppose. I forgot what they look like.'

'You never knew. All of us were guys dressed like girls. You've never seen one.'

'You have a particular sex in heaven?'

'I suppose.'

'But how can that be?'

'You're avoiding my question.'

'No I'm not. I don't know the meaning of the word "female". How could I like girls?'

'Would you like to see one?'

'I've seen you in a wig, Porch.'

'But I'm not a girl. C'mon Caius, think, think.'

'Thinking…thinking…I'm hungry. But, this is heaven. Our desires are supposed to be fulfilled naturally right? Why am I hungry?'

'Cause your stomach needs food, so that your body works properly.'

'Why am I in this body?'

'Quit complaining. You've got a very nice body. Now to my question. Girls? Women? CAIUS! YOU AREN'T PAYING ATTENTION!'

'Someone's upset.'

'I am not.'

'Someone's lying. And no one lies or is upset in heaven, thereby proving this is not heaven.'

'Caius now listen.'

Portia bent over to whisper these words into Cassius' ear-, 'The playwright cannot write down what is being whispered. This is a play. Only proper dialogues are written down, no whispers, no notes. So we can pass notes. We are not following what Will is writing down anymore.'

'How free we are,' Cassius muttered indistinctly and sarcastically under his breath, 'but this guy knows we are whispering something. He controls our movements. Dictatorship, this is.'

'I've designed a girl,' said Portia softly, 'don't hold it up, keep it down; we don't want any audience looking at what I'm showing you.'

Caius looked at the drawing, which showed an exceedingly tall and curvy female, with long dark hair and big blue eyes. She was wearing a long silvery gown.

'Sure,' Caius murmured, 'I like girls.'

'Now we create her.'

'Question. How?'

'No idea.'

'How very brilliant your plan is.'

'I'm, or rather we're, not alone.'

'Who said I'm with you?'

'I'm not giving you a choice.'

'You're whispering waaay to softly, Porch, I can't hear you.'

'Yes you can, quit it. There's this old guy for one.'

'For one?'

'Um, yes.'

'Okay, now to normal talk, so Shakespeare doesn't notice,' Cassius switched back to his normal tone, 'Your hubby's going to get a shock. He has a man for a wife.'

'Yea-,' there was a knock on the door, 'he's home.'

Brutus entered just as Cassius yelled, 'You're married to Bru?'

'Yeah, you didn't know?'

Cassius shook his head in what looked like pure shock, 'in all the years we knew each other, you never told me, and I never found out.' Portia talked a lot of her husband-stupid, old-fashioned Mark. He had never guessed that it was Bru, there were so many Marks, Mark Antony, Mark-no wait, that was about it. How could he not have guessed?

'I thought you knew,' said Portia, 'how could you not know. I forgot, you and Mark were good friends, weren't you?'

'Friends?' even as these words came from Caius' mouth, they seemed too small to describe what was between Brutus and him…..his mouth became dry. Portia did not know of his feelings, and it had to stay that way.

Will

Will rubbed his hands happily. Another love triangle.

Cassius

'Friends?'

'Brothers,' said Brutus. Cassius frowned; trust Brutus to ruin the moment-no-wait-Portia was his best friend, wasn't she?

'Mark honey,' said Portia offhandedly, 'I'm a man.'

'Gentle Por-WHAT!'

'Ask your friend Willy,' said Caius.

'Bro-,'

'I am NOT!' why, oh why was Mark always saying that?

'There are no girls,' cried Portia, 'Oh the unfairness!'

'Oh the autocracy of Shak- Caesar!'

'My love for Caesar-,' Brutus tried to say, but he was cut of by Portia who said, 'Your LOVE for Caesar, you love me remember.'

'Thou art a man,' said Mark.

'As is Caesar.'

'That's not what he meant,' said Caius quickly, as Brutus looked at him with distrustful eyes.

'What dost thou hither?' Brutus asked irately.

'I'm Porch's friend,' replied Caius, wondering what he had done to make Brutus upset.

'In case you have forgotten,' said Portia, 'I'm a man, hello?'

'How?' Mark asked.

'I was, I am, and I shall be…forever and ever. This is who I am. I'm sorry, Mark, but this is how it was and will be.'

'Forever and ever,' Caius concluded.

'Gentle Portia, I prithee, tell me how?'

'It's obvious,' said Caius, 'Will's characters are men, therefore Portia is a man. End of story.'

'Yeah,' said Portia, 'that's about it. And you can call me Portian now-,'

'That's a preposterous name! And it's not even a name, so it's just preposterous,' Cassius said in disgust.

'Then what?'

'I don't know-Bob?'

'Bob? That's worse than Portian.'

'Mr. Bob?' Mark suggested.

'I'm not Bob,' said Portia/Portian/Bob, 'Mister or without!'

'Bobby?'

'No! That's horrible!'

'Draco Malfoy?'

'No,'

'Um, Julius Caesar?'

'No!'

'Robert Langdon?'

'From the "Da Vinci Code?" Hmmmmm…..I will consider. It's a nice na-,'

'It's settled then. Portia is now Robert.'

'Robert….' Mark shrugged, not seeming to like the name.

'Or maybe just Rob,' said the nameless person.

'But thou art Portia,' Mark cried, 'HOW!'

'I'm Rob now,' said Rob.

Will

Will laughed. Rob, seriously.

Cassius

'Rob,' said the new-Rob, 'so is that what you'll call me now?'

Will

Will laughed again and looked at his play, and then suddenly stopped laughing at once-

"Por. You like girls?

Caius. I've never seen a girl.

_Portia Caius aside. Whispers_

_Portia Caius aside. Whispers_

_Portia Caius aside. Whispers_

_Portia Caius aside. Whispers_

Caius. Your hubby is going to be shocked. He has a man for a wife.-."

Then came all that Bob-Rob crap Will had been laughing so hard about. He scratched his chin, confused. There was a lot of whispering going about. Why was he writing this down? He took an eraser out, and then realized that he had stopped writing on paper years ago and then realized that his laptop had gone crazy. Hung again. He cut the power and yawned loudly, stretching his arms and legs. The secretive old guy meeting Portia had given his entire play a whole new climax, and the love triangle had made it even better. All the whispering was not helping; sure, it created suspense, but if the writer himself didn't know where exactly it would lead to, the audience would surely be disappointed. Just imagine, the spectators, sitting there, all exited about the whispering and then in the middle of the play- the writer comes out of nowhere and goes, 'Sorry guys, I couldn't think of a reason for them to whisper. Refreshments are being served at the, oh sorry, no refreshments either, I'm broke.'-Will shuddered at the thought, but let it be- he would think of something. How many school textbooks (like the actual author of this thing, ME, the all famous Arushi Gairola possess) and other books asserted that he, Shakespeare, was a genius. If he was a genius, then he could think of a reason for the whispering, couldn't he? Maybe they just had laryngitis or something. That was a good reason, but then why did it suddenly stop just a minute later? Hmm…. Portia's fabulous health of course, her immunity could kill anything that tried to harm her in a fraction of a second. New climax. Portia, or rather, Rob was super-man. He laughed again at the idea, but after five whole minutes of laughing, realized that the idea wasn't so bad after all. His audience would love it.


	3. Chapter 3

_**CHAPTER THREE**_

_**Summary:- The story continues…Superman! GO SUPERMAN! Is Portia aware of her newly acquired powers, or not? All as Shakespeare sees it, that is, in play form, with a long soliloquy in semi-Shakespearean English, semi-normal English as our author, Arushi isn't too good at all that " thou thee" stuff. My soliloquy is a big fat mess. Its not understandable but I like it for some weird reason**_

Will 

Shakespeare looked at his play-

'Portia. Rob? So is that what you'll call me now?

Caius. Robby, maybe. Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Brutus. I know not, gentle Portia, now with shortened hair, what is happening. Willt thou tell me?

Portia. Didn't you get it yet? I am a man. I never really was a woman. And when I had asked you if I could get a hormonal transplant, you had given me your permission. You had said "What you will", hadn't you?

Caius. I don't think Mark quite knows what a hormone transplant is, Porch.

Portia. It's Rob, and of course Mark knows, don't you hon?

Brutus. Umm………..

Caius. See? He still lives in the 1990s, maybe even 80's.

Portia. Or before that. Mark, what year is it?

Brutus. Something B.C?

Caius. SEE?

Brutus. See what, brother?

Caius. My name. Use my name.

Brutus. Casca, I-

Portia. His name is not Casca. Really Mark, what are you, stupid?

Caius. I very much doubt that he knows the meaning of stupid.

Brutus. I know not. And for that reason, wilt thou tell me?

Portia. I am in no mood to discuss your poor vocabulary. I am Rob now, and that shall be our topic of our discussion.

Caius. So, _Mister _Rob, we know it all. Nothing to discuss. It's your poor husband to whom you have to explain all of this.

Brutus. _Poor? _Me? Why? How?

Portia. Caius, I think you should go no-

Brutus. CAIUS! I KNEW IT! YEA!

Portia. Excuse me?

Caius. Mark was supposed to guess my name, and you helped him, forget helped, you _told_ him. And Bru, this is cheating. This does not count. If Porch-

Portia. Rob.

Caius. –hadn't told you, you would eventually, never have known my name. I am prepared to bet my life that you don't know my surname.

Brutus. Casca?

Portia. Cassius. DUHHHHH! Oops, sorry Caius.

Caius. Cheaters you both are. _CHEEEEEEEETERS!_

Portia. Caius, I think you should go while I explain this to Mark.

Caius. Whatever you say. Bye.

_exit Caius_

_exit Brutus and Portia to other room_

SCENE IV

Caius. O Brute! I knew not

Of you and gentle Rob- my friend.

Hath I known, would this happen?

Yet it is too late, I cannot change how I feel.

Gentle Brutus, hath not thee once said, that thee loved me,

Yet now, even my name remains beyond thou,

Let alone the rest of my…our so cherished memories,

The ones we, thee and I, spent together,

Bittersweet memories that consume my mind still.

I had loved thee throughout life and death,

And thou knows not but to forget me.

I cannot drink too much of Brutus' love,

Yet now, in its absence, thirst kills me.

And my Rob, my love for thee is no less,

Thou art my friend, who is very dearly loved by me.

Yet, now, I wrong thee so,

When I see Brutus and thee,

I know not what to do, what to say, to be happy, else to wail

I know not whether to congratulate thee for having found thy love,

Or to weep at my own misery.

I know not whether to let go for thy happiness,

Or stay on, for mine.

And, yet, if I doth stay on, will Brutus be mine?

Or will he refuse, for thee?

I know not whether it is I or Rob, whom I love more,

I know not whether it is I or Brutus, whom I breathe for.

I know not what love is,

Yet I know I love you both,

As darkness loves the night,

As the morning is cherished by day-light.

I know not what to do, what to say, to be happy, else to wail.

I know not whether to congratulate thee,

Or to weep at my own misery.

I know not whether it is the darkness of this which scares me,

Or the light of thy bliss which makes me smile.

I know not if you would let me off,

Despite knowing my mind, gentle Rob,

Saying that I am thy friend, that thee loves me,

Or saying thee shall never let me be,

That thee shalt haunt my dreams forever

And ever, and ever, and ever.

I know not if thy love wilt fade.

As light fades, at twilight, into darkness,

As shadows engulf me, leaving me in the cold,

Should thee leave I, perhaps, alone?

I know not what to do, what to say, to be happy, else to wail

I know not whether to congratulate thee,

Or to weep at my own misery.

_enter Julius Caesar_

Julius. Hey, what are you doing here?

Caius. This is a public place, Ju, not your private home.

Julius. So, do I get a "sorry"?

Caius. For what? Saving Rome?

Julius. I could have done a lot of good to them-

Caius. I'm sure being slaves, and liking it, of all things, is a lot of good. Yeah, then it's great what you did. Telling people what to do, as you, a single one man, enjoy the result of their hard work, bossing people around, yelling a lot, as kings always do, is very very very, very to the power of infinity, wonderful, isn't it?

Julius. Shut it!

Caius. It's been a long time since we last talked, hasn't it? The last time we met, I think our conversation had been about two seconds long, and it had just been you who had spoken. And after that short speech of yours, you had left.

Julius. "Get the hell out of here" is a speech, is it?

Caius. I like your sarcasm.

Julius. And I, yours.

Caius. Is it come to this? How stupid! You suck!

Julius. And you, doubly so.

Caius. And you a hundred times more.

Julius. How much I suck, you suck double of it. So by telling me that I suck, you're only saying that you suck even more.

Caius. You lie! Am I just supposed to believe everything you say? As much as you suck, I don't suck at all.

_enter Casca_

Casca. Hey people. wassup?

Caius. I was just telling our dear old Ju here how much he sucked.

Casca. How much is it then?

Julius. Half of Cassius.

Casca. That's a lot.

Caius. HEY!

Julius. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Even Casca here thinks you suck.

Caius. Casca, hello, you are on my side, remember?

Casca. Sorry, Caius, dude.

Caius. It's okay. I think we should leave Julius here and walk about on our own. I've gotten into a very Shakespearean English mood. Will you sup with me to-night?

Casca. I don't know what you mean by that. Wanna go out for pizza tonight?

Caius. Sure.

Casca. Bye, Big C.

Julius. Bye.

SCENE V 

Portia. I see I'm a little stronger. It's a guy thing I suppose.

Brutus. I know not.

Portia. So you didn't get it yet?

Brutus. Nay, I hath not.

Portia. It's not just a haircut, Mark. I'm a man. Why don't you understand?

Brutus. But how? Is it possible?

Portia. Yes, it is. And I was _always_ a man. Always.

Brutus. I need some rest.

Portia. I guess. This must be really hard on you. I thought I had your permission. Really. I thought you wouldn't mind. Our love is stronger, and goes past the boundaries of my sex-

AUTHOR'S (Arushi, not Shakespeare) NOTE IN MIDDLE OF STORY. I just checked my Julius Caesar textbook. All that "thee thou" crap hasn't been used anywhere, except for in the first scene. But let my Caius soliloquy be, that "thee thou" stuff gives it a nice poetic effect. And I can't figure out where to use thee and where to use thou. My teacher can barely speak English, let alone teach Shakespeare. She is one confused woman. Not that I disrespect my teachers, but she teaches nothing, and tells us to mug up stuff and write that in the exam. She says that it will be considered our own answer as she won't check the textbook. I am going to fail. She assumes that she has taught all chapters and then suddenly starts taking tests of stuff she hasn't taught. We had this story, and she said it had a rural setting. I tried arguing with her on that, because it was stated quite clearly that the place where the story was taking place in was a city, and she said, 'you thought by rural I meant village?' its not what you mean, but what our answer means in the board, miss. Oh, and my Hindi teacher is a sexist, not related to the story, but just thought I'd mention it.

-because I still love you Mark, and I know you feel the same for me.

Brutus. I need some rest.

Portia. Mark, please listen to me, try to understand. I couldn't help it. If someone made you wear a wig, made you stay like that forever, what would you do? Continue pretending, or come out with the truth?

Brutus. I need some rest.

Portia. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS? DON'T YOU CARE FOR MY HAPPINESS! SOME HUSBAND YOU ARE!

Brutus. I need some rest.

Portia. Don't you always? GO SLEEP! STICK YOUR HEAD IN THE TOILET! I'M LEAVING! SEE IF I CARE!

Brutus. I need some-

_exit Portia_

Want me to continue? Review. Even if you hated that soliloquy, review and tell me that it sucked. I'll be happy to receive reviews at all. It gets better after this. Swear. 


	4. Chapter 4

_**CHAPTER FOUR**_

**_Summary: The story continues…I know chapter three was short, but we must know how open all this to Shakespeare, and exactly what he sees. It did feel incomplete without a proper description of everything, and it was difficult not being able to write their feelings down, but that would destroy chapter three's purpose. I'm sorry, but this one's even shorter, very short, that's the beauty of it. I tried to write some poetry, it sucks but whatever. I forgot, this is supposed to be the summary, well; I don't want to spoil the surprises, so, read on…_**

Cassius

Cassius sipped his coke, making that gurgly sound he always did, thinking about life, or rather death, and how much it sucked even more than Julius did. Some heaven this was, he wasn't happy. Ever since he had committed suicide, he had never been upset, not about anything, not even that one day when he found that particularly ugly blackhead on his picture-perfect nose; he had forgotten that it was even possible. How could one feel depressed in a place like heaven?

'So, Caius,' said Casca, who was rather fond of pizza, especially with extra cheese and pepperoni, mmmmmm……………………………………………, 'What's going on these days. It's been quite some time since we went out.'

'We went out, like, the day-before-yesterday. And we go out everyday. For every meal, in fact. This has been a long time, but, hello, take a break.'

'Well, I like pizza.'

'I've noticed,' said Caius, 'and you know what's going on these days, the usual. I'm living a quiet, retired life.' He suddenly wished he wasn't. He wished he was at Philippi fighting Mark Antony and Octavius Caesar.

'Remember the good old days,' said Casca. Caius never understood why he called them that. They were terrible times for Rome, with Caesar bossing over everyone and all. Maybe Casca was reminding himself of that to realize how lucky he was now, or maybe he was just plain stupid.

'Yeah,' said Caius, instantly wishing that Brutus did too, his mind automatically shifting to old, so poignant, but yet so perfect memories-

'_Cassius. Do you confess so much? Give me your hand._

_Brutus. And my heart too._

_Cassius. O Brutus!_

_Brutus. What's the matter?_

_Cassius. Have not you love enough to bear with me,_

_When that rash humour which my mother gave me_

_Makes me forgetfull?'_

He smiled, shaking his head.

'What?'

'Nothing.' Cassius went back to drinking his coke, remembering a few of his very own spoken words, which now seemed like a faraway thing of the past, as he picturised them coming out of his mouth.

' "_You love me not." Act IV scene III, line 88._

"_Come. Antony, and young Octavius, come,_

_Revenge yourselves alone on Cassius,_

_For Cassius is aweary of this world:_

_Hated by one he loves, brav'd by his brother;_

_Check'd like a bondman; all his faults observ'd,_

_Set in a notebook, learn'd and conn'd by route,_

_To cast upon my teeth. O, I could weep_

_My spirit from mine eyes! There is my dagger,_

_And here my naked breast; within, which a heart,_

_Deeper than Pluto's mine, richer than gold:_

_If that thou be'st a Roman, take it forth._

_I, that denied thee gold, will give my heart:_

_Strike, as thou didst Caesar, for I know,_

_When thou didst hate him worst, thou lov'dst him better_

_Than ever thou lov'dst Cassius." Same scene. Lines 92-106_

"_I cannot drink too much of Brutus' love"'_

He then remembered Brutus's reaction, him assuring him of his love. _Brotherly _love. Brother.

'In law. Ex-brother-in-law,' Cassius repeated, inside his head, 'law law law.'

'Caius,' said Casca worriedly, 'you okay, dude?'

Cassius nodded, then suddenly stopped, 'I suppose. Wait, no, I think I'm going to be sick. I need the bathroom.'

He ran to the bathroom, which was empty. He looked at himself in the mirror. He looked fine, pretty much normal, except his eyes were a bit redder than usual. He sighed and took his contacts out, replacing them with his favourite frameless pair of spectacles. He then took even those out; his eyes were itchy. He washed them, slashing water all over his face, and getting his designer-jeans wet. He didn't even look at them; they would dry. He tried to flatten his hair, wondering if Brutus really loved Julius more than he loved him.

'Of course he doesn't ,' he said, mostly to himself, but before he could assure himself of that, he remembered Portia. Guilt overwhelmed him; he couldn't feel this way, at least for Portia's sake. He was his best friend, for Pete's sake. _Best friend._ He looked outside, watching the sun set. It seemed to be calling him. He needed some time to think by himself. He took his mobile phone out and dialled Casca's number, even though he was just a few metres away, outside the loo.

'Casc, I'm going home. Bye.' And he hung up without giving Casca a chance to reply.

He opened the window, prepared to jump out, but only to realize that he was thirty-four floors above ground (or fluffy cloud) level.

He ran out, caught the lift, reached the ground floor, and decided to walk home, which was exactly what he did.

He walked. The setting sun shone on his face, as darkness took over. Not exactly our vision of heaven, a setting sun…dismal, so depressing, and yet so perfect, so faultless. No scar, no anything, and yet everything….

As the shadows overcame him,

As darkness replaced light,

As guilt found its way into his hurting heart,

Twisting and turning, not giving up to his fight,

As the stars decided to reveal themselves,

As the feelings inside made themselves known,

As twilight surrendered to night,

His smile submitted to frown,

As the shadows overcame him,

As darkness replaced light,

As sadness substituted all that was good,

He looked till the end point of his sight,

And saw nothing,

But cold duskiness, dimness, and dark…

He wondered hopelessly, would it appear?

For what he was waiting? Some kind of a spark?

As the shadows overcame him,

As darkness replaced light,

He didn't want to take it anymore,

The day was filled instead with night,

As he stood there, the light on his face, gone,

As he stood there, as even heaven seemed hell,

Hurt filled him as much as it could,

As the shadows overcame him, the tears fell.

REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW. 


	5. Chapter 5

_**CHAPTER FIVE**_

**_Author's note:- sorry for the delay! I was kind of busy. And please review, that's what keeps me going. I cant write with no reviews….oh and that summary thing isn't working out, it spoils all the surprises, so lets have an author's note instead. If you liked my story so far, feel free to tell me. . I know, my poem was weird, but then, who cares? Review and review and review and review if you want more. Tried some more poetry. It sucked, but whatever. I'm reading "the merchant of Venice" right now, so far its pretty good. _**

Cassius 

The spark appeared. Little stars at first, which slowly grew stronger, brighter, and much more vibrant.

He had been waiting for this. How, he didn't know. He didn't know what it was, that it was even supposed to appear, but he knew, somehow, that he had been waiting….but let that come later. First-

Old man

How? This wasn't what it had pretended so long to be, this was all a lie. A big, fat lie. And he had played into its hands, carelessly, not even thinking. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have let this happen? And there was everybody else, not even knowing what was happening to them, that they were being played, like puppets, not knowing that they could never get out of this complicated cycle, not knowing anything…..

Its better you shut up, the man told himself, and get out yourself. But his conscience wouldn't let him. They had a right to know, they were his creations after all, they were under him, and not that stupid actor.

Deception, dejection, and destiny-

The world's secret plan

Hidden in a corner of the mind,

Not coming out

Hidden, not revealing itself to be true

Hidden.

So false, so fake,

So true, so real,

But hidden, not coming out

Of the walls which bind it-the truth.

The cold concealed truth.

Unknown,

For perhaps eternity.

Concealed

From all of mankind.

Hidden.

So that we may live a lie.

Hidden.

Killing us slowly underneath.

Hidden.

Lost, not to be found.

The cold concealed truth.

Portia

He was walking in his stupid garden, wiping the tears falling from his eyes. It just felt so awful to not have Brutus on his side. And he did have his permission. Well, Caius was right; Brutus still thought it was 44 B.C. FORTY-FOUR. B.C! Oh, for Pete's sake, that was millennia ago! He looked stupidly at the ground. He stamped on it a little, the way people do when they are angry/upset/crazy.

The ground seemed to move.

'CLOUD QUAKE!' Rob cried loudly, and then realized that there was no such thing. He looked down and noticed that there was a dent on the ground. (A thick layer of soil is placed on top of the clouds for growing plants and stuff. Plus, looking at clouds all the time can make you either bored or dizzy, the latter if you are afraid of heights or something.)

'Did I do that?' he wondered aloud.

The ground seemed to nod a "yes", and this cheered Rob up a little.

'Wow,' he said, 'Mark was right, men _are_ strong.'

He shouldn't have called him a sexist for such a stupid little thing. But then, wasn't Rob _always _a man. Why hadn't he created dents on the ground ever before this? Maybe it was just because know he _knew _that he was a man. He lifted a tree out of the ground in exasperation.

'Oops.'

'Man,' said Rob, 'now I want to be a woman again. And I don't feel any different. I'm just stronger. My body is still the same. It's just my hair. Short hair. And I don't even have any facial hair…I tried to shave and cut myself. Some man I am, all I did was fight with Mark and cut my chin.'

Brutus

He went to sleep, getting his much awaited rest.

He turned around in his sleep, murmuring in the dark. One word.

'Portia….'

Cassius

The sparks shone even more, blinding him as the sun did in the very beginning of this story. No need to write about it all over again.

Then they started to fade…into a person.

'Um,' said Caius, 'Good evening.'

'Hi!' said the person, who was an old woman who looked about a hundred and twenty seven. Pretty old. She had silvery-grey hair tied at the back of her hair in a tight bun. She was short, stout and wore a flowing light, but very glittery blue gown. Not that the colour could be seen much in the dark. (The sparks had faded, as is mentioned before. Just saying it again in case you forgot, since I totally did while going through this chapter the second time.)

'You must be like what, a hundred and twenty seven,' Caius blurted out.

'A hundred and thirty seven, in fact,' said the woman, 'anti-aging cream. Makes you look ten years younger.'

'That's very nice to know,' said Cassius. He of course, hadn't aged since the past two thousand years or so. .This piece of information, was, therefore not of much use to him. He wished that the woman would say something more constructive. She could tell him from where to get anti-depressants or something. They would have no side effects. Hello, this was heaven.

But then, no one is depressed in heaven so, who knows.

'You've been crying,' said the old woman rather cheerfully.

'I am aware of that,' said Caius.

'It's only natural, boy, nothing to be ashamed of.'

'When did I say I was ashamed?' said Caius, and gave the woman a long lecture on this article he had read on how crying was good and all….

'And,' Caius concluded, around fifteen minutes later, 'it boosts up your immunity.'

'How fascinating,' the woman said, her big blue eyes wide open with interest, 'I love your ideas.'

'They were not my ideas, person, I read them somewhere, didn't I tell you?

'You have a brain filled with excellent ideas nevertheless, boy. You are very imaginative.'

Caius supposed the unknown woman was only trying to be nice. He was definitely _not_ imaginative. Quite the opposite, in fact. But then, the conspiracy was his idea and he was proud of it. So maybe he was imaginative in some weird way.

There was a minute's silence and then the woman suddenly broke it saying, 'I have a wand.'

She took it out and waved it around happily. 'Yay!' she said, 'Pipitee popitee poo!'

'Uh,' said Caius, 'nothing happened, but that looked really cool.'

'That's because it was meant to look cool,' the woman said, holding her body a little more upright than earlier, 'but, of course, I can totally do magic if I want.'

'Oooooooooooh yay! Show me!'

The woman quickly replied, 'now is not the time sonny, there are more important things to discuss.'

'Like…'

'Your tragic story of course. Talking helps-' and she got another lecture on how talking boosts up the immunity.

'Your tragic st -' she said, after the oration ended.

'You know of it?'

'Yup,' the woman replied proudly.

'How?'

'Let me explain' said the woman, 'sit down.'

Brutrus

"Portia was running in the field, her long silky dark hair flowing behind her. There was laughter on her face, and a smile on her mouth which reached her eyes. The background, the green grass, the yellow daffodils, the clear blue cloudless sky seemed faded behind her. It was nothing compared to her beauty. She turned her head back and laughed, like she hadn't in ages. A few strands of hair fell in on her face, and she pushed them back with her long slender hands. She called to him, asking him to join her.

'Mark,' she cried, and her voice echoed till the last points of the universe, 'don't you want to come here with me? See, its so pretty, look at the flowers. Look at the sky, look at the birds. Isn't this the best day ever?'

Brutus smiled his reply and went to join her. He had barely reached her, when her bright-green eyes turned a misty grey, her petite willowy figure turned tall and slightly more built, her hair length shortened…

'Portia?'

'Brutus,' said another voice, not Portia's. Cassius'."

Brutus woke up, wondering what it all meant.

Portia.

WHY? WHY? WHY? Oooooooh, check out these muscles…

Cassius.

'You were a mere child of minus-0.9 years when-'

'How?'

'-You weren't born yet, sonny. Let me continue- when your mother-.'

'With her rash temper?'

'Yes yes, but she was happy then-'

'Too bad I missed it.'

'-Very tragic indeed yes. When your mother-.'

'GO MOM!'

'WILL YOU LET ME SPEAK? When your mother-guess what she did. I was her bestest friend. That's a clue, now guess.'

'Um.'

'Haven't you figured it out yet?'

'Um. No.'

'Then you are in for a surprise. Caius Cassius, I am your fairy godmother.'

Old man / Portia

'Portia.'

'It's Rob now.'

'No, it's all messed up, I've got to tell you the truth. Oh shit! I'm speaking aloud…'

A few police men look-alikes entered the scene. _Police men, in heaven? _They grabbed the old man and hand-cuffed him, dragging him, offering him lollipops when he refused to budge. He screamed, but no one heard him. He finally gave in, accepting a lollipop, but only to realize that there was nothing on the stick after opening the wrapper.

'LIARS!' he screeched.

'Portia-,' he yelled, 'find me! I'll tell you everything. He's a fake! He's pre-,' and he was gone.

'WAIT!' Portia cried out, her voice was not deep, but soft and high pitched, in its unique feminine way.

'What does this mean?' she said, but to herself.

Someone whose name I am not mentioning because it will spoil the surprise

World dominance.

All his.

He would rule.

He laughed, 'hahaha! They don't know. They don't know anything.'

'Sir,' said his assistant who was a tall, slim woman with brown hair which was highlighted blond. It could also have been vice versa, but that does not matter. People's hair colours hardly count in a story like this. She was wearing a very short skirt. But that does not matter much either.

'Haahhaaaaaaaahahahaha!' said the evil boss.

'Yes, sir I quite agree, but may I please talk,' the assistant said, pushing her thin framed spectacles further up her nose.

'Go on.'

'They could know. And those "hahaha's" went out of fashion ages ago. I mean, evil people from the 70's did that.'

'Sorry. How could they know?'

'You may have noticed, sir. Not everything is going according to plan. See?' and she pointed towards something on the computer screen. The file's (the file which contained the thing was being pointed towards )name was 'the plaaaaan'. What was in it, you shall not know till the author, i.e. me, decides to tell you.

'Shit,' said the evil man, 'now what?'

**_I am so sorry my chapters are growing from short to shorter. But I am really busy nowdays. Please review and FORCE me into writing more. Please please please review. I fall on my knees, begging you to review. If you do, my chapters will grow longer. SWEAR….and guess who the evil man and his assistant are!_**


	6. Chapter 6

**_CHAPTER SIX_**

**_Authors note- am sooooooooo sorry for the delay, but the electricity is always failing and whenever I turn the computer to write .…BAM! The computer is off because of the electricity failure...its all very tragic and sad, I know. And I also have to study like SHIT! And that is not an exaggeration. But forget that, read on and please, for god's sake review. I feel so sad when you don't. so far Islington bus no. 199 and this anonymous person have reviewed and they are both very nice people, especially Islington bus no. 199 and siavv. I would appreciate it if you signed your review though, ms. Anon. or mr.anon . BUT WHY WON'T YOU REVIEW, OTHER PEOPLE? MY STORY ISNT ALL THAT BAD! HAVE A HEART! I write despite my overly-full time-table and electricity failures and you don't have the heart to review…sniff am also ultra sorry for shortness, but I didn't want to keep you waiting. Thought I'd post all I have. Review._**

Cassius 

'You're my fairy what?'

'Godmother. Are you hard of hearing or something?'

'But I don't have a godmother, and a fairy one at that. What a stupid idea!'

'YOU ARE DENYING MY EXISTENCE, YOUNG MAN!'

'No. It's just that that's not possible.'

'You sound like Cinderella.'

'Do not.'

'Do to.'

'Do not.'

'Do to.'

'Do-oh for Pete's sake, stop the insanity!'

'Do to!'

'Listen fairy, I don't quite get what you are trying to do. I mean, fairy godmothers are supposed to be nice and are supposed to help you with their magic and all. All you do is tell me that I'm like CINDERELLA. And you can't even do magic. I mean, what are you up to?'

'You have hurt my delicate fairy feelings.

_For I can fly,_

_But I shall cry,_

_When you say I cannot,_

_I shall cry, _

_And I will die,_

_And you will only leave me to rot_.'

She sang the rhyme in an irritating sing-song way that bugged the hell out of Caius.

'Why would you die if I say that you cannot fly, weirdo?'

'I am _not _a weirdo.'

'Um, yeah sure.'

'I can help improve your loveeeeeeeeee life,

_Your love life is in such a mess,'_

_And you are in great distress._

_Without me you can't go faaaaaaaa,_

_Lalalaaaaaaaaaalalalallaaaaaaaa,_

_Lalalaaaaaalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaa_

_Your love life makes me sick,_

_Makes me want to vo-o-o-mit,_

_And without me you can't go faaaaaaaaaa,_

_Lalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-,'_

'Oh for Pete's sake,' said Caius.

'You insult my singing, my voice, my

_Rhythm, that keeps me going,_

_Music, it keeps me aliiiiiiive,-,'_

'STOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!'

'You've hurt my feelings again, little boy-,'

'But I am _not _a little boy, and you aren't helping me, you're singing. And you're not singing, you're screaming. And your screams don't even make sense,'

'Cinderella would never dare to say such a thing to me,'

'You were her godmother too?'

'No, but she wouldn't dare anyway. I was her stepmother, you know. I play different characters in different stories.'

'Yeah, oh shit, my mobile phones ringing. If you will please excuse me-,'

Saying this Caius picked up his phone. It was Portia.

'Hey Porch, what happened?'

'Check your mail,' came the reply.

'My email?'

'What else?'

'Right. I hope it's not one of your stupid forwards again.'

Marcus Antonius, or Mark Antony. Call him whatever.

'Portia?'

'Yeah.'

Daughter of Cato, wife of Brutus?'

'Um, pretty much so.'

'I'm kind of busy with Cleo right now, if you could call me later-'

'We're having a gathering of all Julius Caesar characters. Kind of like a reunion.'

'Cleo won't let me.'

'Oh come on. It's an important reunion. And people will want you there. You are _such _an _important _character of "Julius Caesar", you know. I mean, people love you.'

'Cleo loves me too. And she, unlike you, and any other JC character is HO-O-O-OT!'

'I'm sure she is extremely sexy, but this is important. Very important. More than your stupid mortal mind can imagine.'

'Your mortal mind is also mortal. Hello we are human-,'

'Yeah, sure, whatever. If you don't come, you will repent it. Our lives depend upon this, Ant. Check your mail, without reading it aloud.'

'Sure. But only for you, hold on a sec-CLEO! I GOTTA GO! Sorry, ouch! Aaaaah! No, it's important, I have to go, you need to catch up on your sleep, you've got dark circles-WAIT! NO! You don't have dark circles! You're really pretty, sorry beautiful! Owww…I meant sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy. Sexy sexy Cleopatra. - No, it's a friend. Ju had a fight with Cal, he's _crying. Crying, _Cleo_, Crying. _I must help him. He might commit suicide-no, I know he is dead. Oh. You meant I will be? Be a _little _understanding. ARGH! O THE PAIIIIIIIIN! I mean you are very understanding. You should rule over all. Especially Egypt. Yeah, go to sleep. Yeah, I'll do the dishes tomorrow. Yeah, for the next millennia. Yeah, for the next two thousand millennia. Swear. Would I lie to you Cleo? Yeah, good-night.'

On the phone he said, 'You will pay. This had better be good.'

'It is,' said Portia.

'Okay, I'll check my mail. And he hung up.

He stretched his arms and looked at Cleopatra, curled up like a cat. A bossy bossy, dominating over everyone cat.

'That's my Cleo,' Antony murmured to himself, yawned and walked to his computer. He entered his id and password.-

"_One new message."_

Antony opened it.

"_To- …._

"_It_ listed almost everybody's ids, Flavius, Marullus, the conspirators, Cassius' weird slave guy. It also listed the email ids of all the conspirators, all of Brutus' friends, Pindarius, Calphurnia, Artemidorus and the soothsayer, Lucius and all of Brutus' and Cassius' servants. It seemed like noone was left out."

"Message- 

_Dear character of Julius Caesar,_

_DO NOT READ THIS MESSAGE ALOUD._

_You are invited to Brutus' and Portia's home, 56/4, paradise road, heaven-14788, for reasons too **important** to be discussed in this letter. It is extremely **important,** and you will be expected tomorrow, at 3am, which is five minutes later. Please do not forget. All your information is required for something **important** that MUST be figured out._

_There will be pizza._

_Yours,_

_Portia Brutus._

_WIFE OF Brutus, _

_DAUGHTER OF Cato."_

Something IMPORTANT was going to happen.

_XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX_

Cassius

'So do I get three wishes?'

'Sure, what do you want?'

'I don't know. I really like Portia. And I love…I am in love with Brutus. I would die for him, weird godmother, he's everything to me. But I value Portia's friendship more than anything else. I mean, all that time spent together, all that was shared between us, and I go and fall for her husband. I mean, I'm, I'm crazy. I wouldn't take Brutus from Porch, she'd fall apart. And it just hurts that Bru can't be mine. I hadn't forgotten him in all these years, _really_. To go to his home, it would be awkward, after all that, you know what happened at Philippi. There was so much between us, I didn't know how to face him, I postponed our meeting day-after-day, and when I did meet him, he….he forgot me. He forgot everything about me, not only my name. All he could remember was_ brother…BROTHER! _He didn't even miss me or anything. I thought he would.'

'No wishes then?'

'Geez, grandma, have some sympathy.'

'Sorry sonny. That was really sad. I do hope it is okay now.'

'It's not okay, fairy. How dense can you get? _Honestly?'_

'I am not dense. You are.'

'Am not,'

'Are too,'

'Am not.'

'Are too.'

'Not this again,' Caius sighed and sat down taking his head in his hand. He took his mobile phone out again and checked his mail on that.

'Bye fairy godmom. I'm goin'.', he said after reading the mail.

'Bye sonny. You need me, you call.'

'Sure thing,' said Caius, making a mental note to not even think of her, let alone call her.

And he left the scene, to leave the fairy godmother standing alone, waving her wand around hopelessly.

Octavius

'Hey, Antony. I guess you're also coming.'

'Yeah, that's why I'm here kid.'

Octavius had been walking towards Brutus' home and had just bumped into Antony along the way.

'I'm not a kid anymore,' said Octavius, straightening his back, making him stretch to his tallest height, 'I've grown lots.'

'You look ten.'

Octavius certainly did not look ten. In fact, he looked older than Antony. Antony just loved bugging him.

'Well, you look two.'

'You still act like you're two.'

'Whateverrrrr. Look, Lepidus is here. Lepi, hi! Hey, look here! Hi! Lepi, hi! Hi!' saying this, Octavius waved his hands vigorously and in a very stupid manner. They moved the fastest that hands had ever moved.

'Hey, Lepi! Hi!' he called out again. The hand movement increased, and somehow Lepidus didn't seem to notice, even though, everyone, even the people 10 miles away did.

'Ah,' Lepidus finally said, 'Octavius. Antony, long time no see.' He hadn't noticed so that his entrence would be more dramatic.

'Yeah, yeah,' said Octavius, 'Totally.'

'I quite agree,' said Antony.

'You know-,' Octavius began, but didn't continue as Portia had come running towards them.

'Get in guys. The meeting has begun.'


	7. Chapter 7

_**CHAPTER SEVEN**_

**_I'm back. Yay! Sorry I'm late again, but it isn't my fault. I have school and tuitions and lots to study and all that. I don't know what to do…I need your sympathy people…anyway read on…oh, and am also ultra-sorry for shortness of chapter. Do forgive me for another pathetic attempt at poetry…I was good at it a few years back…what is with me? Waaaaaaaaaaaah, I cant write poetry….REVIEW…_**

Cassius, Portia, Brutus, Octavius, Antony, basically everybody at the meeting

'You are allowed to think aloud now,' Portia announced, 'as-,'

Everybody started thinking aloud and there was a lot of noise. No one could make out what anyone else was saying

'I meant that we not being spied on, this room is soundproof, no one can hear us.'

The crowd did not quieten.

Brutus took the mike from his wife's small, slender hands. 'SILENCE!!!!!'

The crowd stopped bickering and Messela said, 'You asked us to think aloud.'

'I did not ask you to,' said Portia, 'I said that it is safe to do so now. People we are being spied upon.'

Everyone stared at each other in horror.

Julius Caesar raised his hand, 'Really, Portia, you are only being stupid. Why would anyone spy on us? We are living quiet retired lives. What is there to be gained from this? If this is even happening, that is.'

'Shut up Tyranny!' Caius, (who still referred to Caesar as 'Tyranny, "Dictatorship", etc), yelled from his chair. Everyone was sitting on chairs, and Brutus and Portia were in front of the room, along with a mike.

'And you shut up too!,' Caesar fought back, 'Just because you aren't king of the world-,'

'Why would I be king of the world when we could all vote and be happy? We don't _need _you, like you like to imagine. And why should we? Vote for Caius Cassius, people!'

'Shut up, we all know how _jealous _you are,' said Caesar, 'You can't stand to see anyone better than you.'

'Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaah,' the mob shouted.

Flavius got up from his chair, 'You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things-,'

'Hadn't I gotten you killed?' Caesar shrieked.

'You're not the big boss here Caesar,' Cassius said, holding his hand up to cut Flavius off. His eyebrows were narrowed to their fullest extent, and his face was red with fury, 'How many times must you be reminded? This is not Earth. We are equal here.'

'Only people like you, who don't have the potential to have power, say that. There are no equals.'

'Shut up Dictatorship!'

'You think I'm going to leave you alone, after your stupid envious conspiracy. You think-,'

'YOU HAVE HAD YOUR GODDAMNED REVENGE, CAESAR! And all we had tried to do was save the world! AND YOUR GADDAMNED GHOST JUST CAME BUTTING IN!'

'You think its over, don't you?'

'You're right! It's not over! It never will be!'

'Good. Because this is a fight between men, between all men, for power. _Power_.'

'I DON'T WANT YOUR FREAKIN' POWER!'

'Yes you do. You do. You try to hide it. You even hide this very fact from your own self. You still want my power, as you always did. You haven't changed a bit, Caius Cassius.'

'And you think you're much better.'

'I am better than you, to say the least.'

'No you're not. You're Caesar. You're Autocracy '

Antony got up, his eyes flashing dangerously, 'Stay within your limits Cassius.'

'This isn't about you,' said Cassius angrily, 'its between me and Caesar. You stay back.'

'I'm his best friend.'

'Friend? It's like you _love _him. Caesar says something and it is done, you had said something of that sort hadn't you? Hadn't you?

'And I had meant it. How do you even dare to disobey him? You have killed the great and mighty Caesar.'

'And all you do is follow him around like that senseless, unable to think for himself cur that you are.'

'I can think for myself. Hello, I am Mark Antony. Cleopatra's boyfriend.'

'Ooooooooooooooooooooooh, I'm so scaaaaaaaared. ,' said Cassius in his most sarcastic tone.

'Yeah, well you don't even have a girlfriend do you?'

'I have better,' Cassius screeched, 'I have Marcus Brutus!'

The room went silent.

Oops.

The evil guy

They hadn't invited him. Was he not important enough? He had played role in the story. Not too important, just like a two minute thing. He was useless…curse that Shakespeare! How could he have done that to him, used him like a thing, just to _demonstrate _a stupid fact, and then thrown him away.

Why hadn't they given _him _a main role? Why? Why? _Why?_ He had wanted one so _bad_. But nooooooooo, five freakin' minutes and then "bye-bye". And now he wasn't invited…his part had no significance, did it? He would show them…he would have his revenge.

'It's just a party sir,' said the short-skirted assistant, interrupting his thoughts.

'You haven't gone?'

'Why would I go, sir?'

'Why not, you could've spied on them…'

'I wasn't feeling too good, so I skipped the party. Why would we spy on them?'

'They called everyone. Everyone but me…all the senators, their servants, Lucius even, Pindarius, the cobbler and the carpenter, the stupid mob, the guards, assistants, the stupid soothsayer-,

'I get the point sir.'

'Okay, you're to find out what happened in that meeting.'

'Sir, it was a party. Portia had called. She said party. I didn't read the mail though, my husband did and he went on my behalf.' (**_A/N. and who is this secret husband? The soothsayer, Flavius, Marullus, that weird guy who gave Caesar the note, Caesar himself, hahahahahahahaaaaaaaa. I'm not saying its one of them. I'm saying it _**could** _be one of them. Guess for yourselves. Mwahahahaha. O, my supreme cruelt!!!!!!!!!!)_**

'Okay, forget the party then.'

Old guy

'You let me out of here!' he screamed at the guards standing outside his cell. Not exactly a cell, a nice room, complete with a bathroom and a television set. Cell just sounds cool in some weird spooky way. 'You don't know who I am!'

'Sure,' said one of the guards cheerfully, 'but we know you're _very _important. You're getting a lot of security. The boss told us not to let you out at any cost.'

'Your boss sucks!' exclaimed the old guy.

'Yeah, well, he's the boss,' said another guard, who was eating a very juicy crunchy apple. It glowed bright red and looked a million times more delicious, more scrumptious than any other apple in the entire universe.

The old guy wanted it and the guard noticed due to all the drooling that was being done.

'Its mine,' the guard said.

'But I'm hungry,' the old man protested.

'You know,' said a third guard, happy to have some conversation, 'that's strange.'

'Why?' asked the second guard munching happily into his apple.

'Because your desires are supposed to be naturally fulfilled in heaven, proving-,'

'That this is _not _heaven,' the old man finished for him, 'Q.E.D.'

Will

And there went away his brilliant plan.

_Delete that. Press "backspace"…quick! Make him say something else. _But changing something already written was out of the question. It wasn't possible.

_Shit! Shit! Shit! How could I do this? Have I no control over this laptop this pen doesn't work for me either. It has a mind of its own…_

Cassius

Oops.

'I meant,' he said quickly, with his heart pounding harder than he believed possible, with sweat trickling down his face faster than his heart was pounding _at that very moment, '_as a conspirator against Caesar. I got him on my side.'

'_Et tu, Brute?' _said Caesar.

'Et me,' said Marcus Brutus apprehensively.

'You never did explain to me fully, why?' asked Caesar, 'I did love you, not in _that _way of course, but I did. Why did you?' his tone somewhat more soft, more calm.

'You'd keep us as slaves,' Brutus replied. He licked his lips, which had suddenly gone very dry. He hadn't quite expected a day would come when he would have to answer Caesar for what he had done.

'And why would I do that? Did you even read my will?'

'Well, Julius I-,'

Caius did not appreciate being left out of the discussion, 'Yeah, all lies. Did any Roman get a single piece of the crap Julius left them? Anyone who did, please raise your hand.'

'SPEAK HANDS FOR ME!' shouted Casca, but everyone ignored him. The Roman mob stared at each other stupidly in their usual pathetic way, none of them with their hands raised.

After five whole minutes of silence Antony finally and very nervously raised his hand with only one word on his lips, 'Sorry.'

'SPEAK HANDS FOR ME!' yelled Casca, 'Antony spoke hands! Get him!'

'And face Cleopatra after that, no way,' said the mob but threw rotten tomatoes at him anyway. **_(They would've thrown eggs, but did not because chickens are drugged and all that so that they lay big fat eggs. They are forced to each so much and stuff is forcefully shovelled down their thin throats that they collapse under their own weight. They are force to stand with all these wires around their legs, preventing them from sitting so that they lay eggs. In the end, they all die because of bending down to get food or something because those goddamned wires never let them bend, and they cannot bend anymore. Oh, and male chicks are crushed and very ruthlessly murdered as they cannot give birth to more chickens and nor can they lay eggs. I shall not tell you the bad parts because you'll feel really baaaaaaaad about them, and trust me when I say "bad", I mean baaaaaad. If you do want more information, feel free to contact me.)_**

'Geez,' said Antony, 'I said I'm sorry.'

'Ahem!' said Portia into the mike, 'I called you all here for other things, not _this_.'

'Yeah!' said Caius, 'Listen to Porch and stop fighting like the idiots that you are.'

Everyone in the room stared very pointedly at Cassius, as if to say that he had started the fight.

'_He called my friend "stupid",' _said Cassius through gritted teeth.

'It's okay Caius,' said Portia calmly. (**_A/N- was surfing the net. Cassius' wife was Portia's cousin. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan, I never knew….and I checked out some pictures of our hero, and he wasn't exactly the sexy sexy Caius Cassius I make him to be)_**

'No, its not okay,' said Caius, 'Julius Caesar is an idiot.'

'Am no-,' Caesar started, but he was cut of by Portia who said, 'leave it, we are straying from the topic.'

'What is the topic?' Antony asked. (**_A/N-just checked out the story of "Antony and Cleopatra", which I haven't read on the net …Caesar and Ant were enemies in that. weird, Antony so lurves Caesar. I have added Cleopatra in this story just for the heck of it, she isn't important and there is no reason to mix up the two plays.)_**

'This is all a lie,' Portia said.

'Meaning?' asked a Roman citizen of whom noone knew the name.

'I don't know,' said Portia, 'but we have to organize a search party.'

'I'm doing dishes to search for some one?' said Antony in what seemed like pure-shock, 'you said that this was **_important._**'

'It is,' said Portia, 'He can hear this. He can control us. He is making us do what we do. Only here are we free, for his choice of writing is limited and not in prose-form.'

'Can you please, for god's sake, elaborate,' someone asked.

'Yeah,' said Portia….

Brutus' thoughts translated into normal English

_She looks so beautiful as she speaks, her dark hair is now short. She says that she is a man but I don't believe her. There's just a difference in her hairdo. Maybe its one of those "April fool" things. But why did brother Cassius enter my dreams like that? It must have some significance; this is a Shakespearean story after all. From all that I have experienced, dreams are warnings. I know Portia would never do me any harm, she wasn't in that dream (doing harm, that is), and I doubt Cassius would either… "**Strike, as thou didst at Caesar; for I know/ when thou didst hate him worst, thou lov'dst him better/ than ever thou lov'dst Cassius." **A picture of Cassius holding out his dagger and chest to me flashes in front of my eyes. I can't remember, I don't know where it comes from._

"_**Cassius. Caius Cassius," **I whisper slowly, and to myself. Something seems to hit me. Memories I can't even remember show themselves slowly in front of my eyes, like a flashback and this time I see much more than Caius holding out his dagger to me, asking me to kill him. I remember all that happened between us, I remember our friendship, I remember our fight, I remember his dead body. I can see it, for god's sake; I can even feel all that I felt once. Now I remember….everything. We had killed Julius and Antony and Octavius had defeated us, Portia had killed herself…she missed me so much, she was so worried about me. I didn't give her all the love she deserved. Cassius' body didn't get the proper memorial service it deserved, that Cassius deserved. And I, going against all my beliefs, killed myself, like Portia and Cassius…_

_Those were bad times. How callous of me to forget Cassius like that. I look at him right now, at this meeting and he stares at me for a second, a small single second. Our eyes connect and hold and it seems like an eternity. Like seven eternities. Like forever. Time itself seems to stop, that eternity becomes nothing, but it's no different. He nods, and swallows. He knows that I have remembered and I know that he knows. It's like we are communicating without words, just understanding each others feelings. It's the most beautiful thing I've eve felt, like the first time I've looked at Cassius, like the first time I've looked at **anything at all, **and it feels sad, but so beautiful, so enchanting._

_I feel so complete._

_**Just one look from you-**_

_**All of a sudden, I'm complete**_

_**Don't go, don't walk away,**_

_**Don't tell me you can't feel the heat.**_

Cassius

**_Guilt tries to stop me to admit_**

_**What's between us can never fade,**_

**_And that what is to come,_**

_**Can be coloured a better shade.**_

Brutus

_**I was broken, and now fixed,**_

**_And it's only you who did it,_**

_**Yet I can't understand**_

**_Why you, from me, hid this._**

Cassius

_**You can never know**_

_**Never understand**_

_**We were meant to be together for eternity **_

**_To stand Hand in hand._**

**_X------X_**

_**And why would you?**_

_**You have my friend,**_

**_She's yours, I'm not, so_**

_**Don't make my mind bend.**_

**_X-----X_**

_**I know my love shall last**_

_**Forever, perhaps more,**_

_**Don't welcome my love like this,**_

**_With an open heart, an open door._**

**_X----X_**

_**For our love then**_

**_Shall never change_**

_**Etched into time for eternity,**_

**_It will always be the same…_**

**_X----X_**

**_But to your love I lose,_**

_**I surrender,**_

**_I prithee, wretched love, leave me_**

_**And not only for our gender…**_

Brutus

_**Why ought we to leave this,**_

**_For something as senseless as gender?_**

_**For we both know, you and I**_

**_That we do surrender…_**

**_X----X_**

_**To love,**_

_**To perfection,**_

_**To beauty,**_

**_To completion._**

**_X----X_**

_**Yours and mine.**_

_**To**_

_**Our competion.**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**CHAPTER EIGHT**_

**_A/N- next chapter! Yay! Only two lines though. Sorry. But this two-lined chapter would look cool. Special effects. Yay! Oh, and if I suddenly stop writing, it will be because I don't have connection to internet anymore. But know this, I will finish this story even if I have to write during my board exam…okay maybe not board exam (these tests you give in the tenth standard, which will be in March 2008 for me), but I'm sure you get the point. You don't have to review THIS, I wrote it just for the heck of it. Am thinking of ideas for the next chapter…_**

Brutus' POV

_The second is over and Cassius looks away, but not before I see the pain and anguish that fills him, hurting him from deep within…_

_The moment is over. Was it my imagination, or did all of this really happen?_


	9. Chapter 9

_**CHAPTER NINE**_

**_A/N- check out the extent of Marcus Brutus' confusion and stupidity. He is one crazy person…and REVIEW…and forgive me for my pathetic poetry…when will I improve?_**

Cassius' POV

_I can't look at you any more. Two millennia have passed and we see each other again. We might just be discovering lost friendship. I know you love Portia. I love her too, and I... _

Brutus' POV

_He looks away and turns his gaze to Portia, who is trying to figure out what she's supposed to tell her audience. There is guilt in his eyes, but that guilt disappears after a fraction of a second. He smiles at her and gives her a thumbs up. She smiles back. Caius is trying hard not to look at me and it seems that all his energy is based on that one single thing:-avoiding eye-contact with me. _

_He feels guilty about something. I can sense it. Why, and how, I don't know. I can tell what emotions are buried deep beneath him. I know when he's sad, I know when he's upset, when he's happy, when he's scared. How could I have not noticed it before? We are somehow connected…_

_Right now he's thinking about Portia, about what is between them…_

_Why did I not think of it before? He **does **spend a lot of his time with Portia, especially when I am not around. But Portia loves me, she won't, she can't….do this to me._

_Then why is he feeling guilty, why is he looking at my wife like that and why is he shunning my gaze like that? _

'Um_,' says my wife, tugging her short hair behind her ear uncertainly, '_What I am saying is that the person with the pen and paper in his hand can do anything. He has us under his control. He writes it, it happens._'_

'Like God?_' asks Octavius._

'Well, uh…,_' Portia wonders what to say._

'No,_' answers Cassius, '_like dictatorship. And the fault, my friends, are not in the stars but in ourselves, we are the underlings._'_

_I've think heard that dialogue before._

'Of course_,' Cassius continues, '_some of us **like **being slaves_,' and he stares very pointedly at Antony._

'I am **not **anyone's slave,_' Antony speaks up._

'When did I say that you were?_' Cassius asks._

'It's what you intended to say_,' Antony replies_

'You think so?_' says Cassius, 'it _is because that is what you are...Leave it. Let my friend speak._'_

'Fine,_' says Antony gruffly and turns his head to where my wife stands._

'Um, thank you_,' says Portia, '_As I was saying, William Shakespeare controls us all. And there is only one man who knows how to stop him. I don't know his exact name. He is a little old, almost bald. Yeah, that's about it, old and bald. He was going to tell me this "truth" but was taken away by guards trying to lure him with lollipops. If we do not rescue him, we shall never know anything, and shall remain in this cycle forever, being played like puppets._' _

'And how do we know that this is the truth?_' Caesar asks gratuitously._

'It is, and if you don't believe me, it's your own loss,_' says Portia, '_I have called you all here to ask you whether you recognize this photograph,_' she takes out the old man's photograph. He looks familiar, very familiar and yet I can't seem to place him anywhere._

_The crowd seems to share my thoughts. _'I know_,' says Cicero, the old senator, '_but I don't know._'_

'Sonow we know that it is someone we all do know, and are aware of_,' says Portia, '_but from what I see, that we don't know who he is, he wasn't too important in our lives_ (**A/N-how wrong you are, dear Robby) **. _He may have been a common Roman citizen, or a rock-star all us Romans knew. He wouldn't tell me his name, perhaps because we'd go crazy on finding out what was, possibly because of his celebrity status._'_

'Maybe he's Elvis_,' suggests Lepidus._

'Wow,_' says a common Roman woman, '_I do like Elvis…_'_

'Who_,' Cassius points out, '_Is neither old **nor **bald._'_

'So now we never get to meet Elvis?_' the woman asks, unable to keep the disappointment from her voice._

'No_,' says Cassius firmly, '_who cares about Elvis anyway-,_'_

'I CARE!_' yells the woman._

'-Anyway_,' says Cassius, ignoring her completely, '_at a time like this._'_

'This man is in trouble!_' says Portia, _'surely one of you must know his name._'_

'We don't!_' yells the mob._

'But you all think he's familiar?_' Portia asks as the crowd of Romans scream, '_Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah_!'_

'Then_,' says Cassius, who is now walking up to the front of the room, towards Portia and me. He reaches, takes the mike from my wife's hand and says, '_We need to find him and the truth. People, you are being lied to. This is **not **heaven._'_

'And,_' Portia says, '_only a miracle can save us-,_'_

'Or an open revolt,_' says Cassius._

'Or magic!_' Portia exclaims._

'Or our unity_,' says Cassius, '_and out of these four, we have our unity._'_

_Caesar stands up, '_And what makes you say that?_'_

Cassius' POV

_Damn that Caesar! What is his problem?_

'We have our unity,_' I repeat, '_I shall make peace with you because that is the need of the moment._' What am I doing? Am I giving up to Caesar?_

'Fine_,' he says, '_but only for this "problem" which may not even be real._'_

Antony's POV

_**MAY NOT BE REAL? I AM DOING THE DISHES FOR THIS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**_

Portia's POV

_How can I explain to these people what I don't know myself?_

Caesar's POV

_I want chocolate._

The woman 

_I so love you Elvis. Why won't you agree to marry me, my love?_

_My soul?_

_My life?_

_Oh, Elvis, my loooooooooooooooooooooooove!_

Brutus

_He talks without giving me a single glance. I cannot be sure of what he is doing…yet. _

_He does speak so confidently though, with a few strands of hair falling on his face. His hair isn't normal, or what he would call "normal", his usual spikes have been replaced with thin straight hair, which highlights the slightly oval shape of his face. He blinks lightly because of that one single wisp of dark hair falling on his eye. He pushes that wisp back unconsciously with a single long thin index finger after his blinking turns fast and furious. He does not look like "Cassius from history", who wasn't exactly pretty, and he doesn't act like him either. He's a unique person, not that "cruel" person I read about in a book Portia had borrowed from a library, which contained our historical versions. He is also rather good-looking. Not handsome, good-looking. He's a bit skinny, very tall and with the narrowest waist I have seen in the past few years. (But then, I haven't seen many people in the past few years so that hardly counts). He is also much younger here than he was on earth- around Octavius' age. We all are of the same age here, and have been for a long time. Aging is probably a process that doesn't occur here, and Cassius is the best example of that. Agelessness suits him more than it suits anyone else. His young wrinkle free face is more than just normal "young", its flawless and has this dazzling glow around it, which looks ten times more stunning, with those brilliant blue eyes that enhance it, shining with all their might. His accent also has something very striking about it; you can't help but be drawn to everything he says. _

_No wonder Portia fell for him…._

_Wait, no…how can I say that? So maybe they do spend a lot of their time together, but it's because they are friends. I trust Portia more than I trust myself._

_It's okay…._

_Cassius accidentally, while saying something quietly to Portia, as the crowd talk among themselves, looks at me. _

_**Ignorance from the truth,**_

_**Your love that I am unconsciously aware of,**_

_**They are the root…**_

_**Of misery; they are what it is made of.**_

_**----**_

_**The hidden love that lies buried…**_

**_Deep Underneath, tries to hide,_**

_**The fact that I am married,**_

**_That it is my wife to whom I have lied._**

_**----**_

_**That I love her too,**_

_**Though not as much as you,**_

_**That she loves me,**_

_**Though she and I are not "we"**_

_**That I cannot have him,**_

_**And as the lights seem to dim,**_

_**As the shadows overcome me,**_

_**As only beauty seems to fill thee…**_

_**Beauty too far from my reach,**_

_**Sucking on me like a leech,**_

_**Blood -drop by drop,**_

**_For ever -it will not stop…_**

_**----**_

_**The Unfinished love between us,**_

_**Makes tiny seconds seem hours,**_

**_Eternity itself fits into time less than a year,_**

**_And this more than anything else,_**

**_I fear…_**

_He turns his head away so quickly that any normal person would swear that he hadn't looked at me at all, and looks at Portia, '_Por_-?'_

'Ask Mark,_' says Portia._

'Um, yeah, er…_'_

'Mark, what should we do? I mean, this is a big problem, isn't it…?_'_

_I nod. My throat suddenly feels very dry._

'I mean_,' says Portia, '_we'll look together. All of us. Even Caius' enemy Caesar is with us. Let's look now_.'_

'Ay_,' I say._

'So, how do we start?_' Portia asks, '_I am such an idiot. I called on this meeting without even knowing what I'm going to tell all these people. What do I say to them,"there isn't any plan you may all go home now"_?'_

_Cassius pats her arm reassuringly, '_You're not an idiot. You did the best you could; you're trying to save all of us.'

'You are my true and honourable wife,_' I say._

'That's comforting_,' said Portia, '_to know that I've got you two on my side. I'm really messed up_.'_

'That's okay,_' says Cassius, '_we're all "messed up" sometimes.'

'What now?_' Portia asks._

'I'm not to sure,_' replies Cassius, his shiny shiny blue eyes narrowed in worry. He's keeping his distance from me, standing right next to my wife, who is sitting on a chair three metres away from me._

'We'll think of something, wont we?_' Portia asks._

'Yeah,_' says Cassius, '_yeah, we will_.'_

'_Yea,' I say._

'Awwwww…Mark, you can be so cute sometimes_,' says Portia._

'Um,_' I say. I'm always either terribly "cute" or "old fashioned" to her, depending upon her mood._

'He is_,' says Portia, '_Isn't he Caius?_'_

'Wha-me? How would I know?_' Cassius stammers, 'Tha-_that's out of th-the to-pic, isn't it? We have t-o sa-ave the world._'_

'Quite right_,' says Portia, '_I'll ask the people what they think we should do_.'_

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**_A/N-What did you think? Review. And thank you Islington bus no. 199, you inspire me to write…keep reviewing. I need encouragement._**


	10. stupid sucky poem

_**A/N-wrote this out of sheer boredom at 4 am coz I couldn't sleep. I know it sucks…but who cares…**_

_**Review anyway.**_

Cassius

_**I always knew you were meant to be mine,**_

_**From that first time I saw you,**_

_**Till the very end of time,**_

_**I'm telling you, I always knew.**_

_**----**_

_**The first time we talked properly,**_

_**That time on a Roman street,**_

_**Do you still remember me?**_

_**On that very first day in which we did meet.**_

_**----**_

_**Our disagreement, our fight,**_

_**I loved you during even then**_

_**For I knew neither of us was right,**_

_**That we were just two confused men.**_

_**----**_

_**If we loved from at very moment**_

_**Our love would never end**_

_**But now, it's over, and we repent,**_

**_What is gone, we cannot mend…_**

Brutus

**_O, The darkness in my mind_**

_**The pain in my heart…**_

_**My love I couldn't find,**_

_**I was beaten from the start…**_

_**----**_

_**I wish you could know**_

**_Of what, now, deep within, I feel_**

**_For it would help us grow,_**

_**Would help us heal.**_

_**----**_

_**But only if you were mine,**_

_**Would we, like that, shine…**_


	11. Chapter 10

_**CHAPTER, UM….I LOST COUNT.**_

**_A/N- guess who's back….me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am a kid and have trouble writing kissing scenes, especially for two people of the same sex, since most people here believe that homosexuality is wrong, so I want nice long reviews for my efforts…I know my poetry sucks, but practice makes perfect so I'll try and try and try…thus chapter is about what is everybody up to People from JC, now…especially Titinius (OMIGAAAAAAAAAWD!!! TITINIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!)…read on…and REVIEW…_**

Caius Cassius blinked stupidly, pushing the hair from his eyes. Sure, the hairdo did look good on him, but his eyes…his precious _eyes…_

Marcus Brutus liked the look on Cassius and the way he was blinking. He felt the connection and _still _didn't know that he was in love with him. Was he brainless, or what?

Portia didn't know what to tell her audience. She was super_man _and didn't even that, let alone know what to tell her audience.

Caesar was sitting on his chair. _What is that skinny, bad-haired, insomniac Cassius up to now?_ Cassius had great hair, of course, but what did Julius Caesar know about fashion?

Antony was thinking about all the dishes.

Octavius was wondering why everyone kept calling him "kid" (especially Antony), when everyone was of the same age in heaven. And he was Julius Caesar's _uncle _in history, why was he his nephew now? Why, why, why?

Lepidus was scratching his head. _Damn all that dandruff!_

Cicero rather liked being young, it felt good. But he had died his sexy dirty blond hair and had "silvery hairs" now; they helped him maintain his dignity. He also had some fake wrinkles on his face that were made out of cello-tape and glue.

Casca was taking out slices of pizza from the lunch-box he had in his bag…_pizza. Mmmmmmm……………._

The soothsayer was sharing Casca's pizza.

Metullus Cimber, Trebonius and Decius Brutus were discussing Roman politics very seriously and were comparing it to heaven's (not really heaven, but whatever it was-where they are right now, that is).

Lucius, unlike everybody else, who had grown younger, had grown older. Silvery-blond hair fell midway down his back. He even carried a walking stick and used it to hit people. His son, Draco Malfoy, wasn't too happy about this fact.

Pindarius was lying under his chair, hoping that Cassius would neither remember nor notice him, because if he did, he would probably force him to serve him again. Like there weren't better things to do…

The cobbler and the carpenter were playing Barbie-barbie with Flavius and Marullus. 'No, make her wear the pink dress,' said Marullus.

'But she's getting married,' the cobbler said with eyes wide open in pure-shock, 'White.'

'What will Ken think?' asked Flavius happily. _Barbie was getting married! How exciting!_

'Oooooooooooh, Ken and Barbie are so pretty,' the carpenter sighed and other "plebeians" 'ooooh'ed and 'aaah'ed happily at sight of the beautiful wedding.

The guards and attendants were playing hop-scotch.

Brutus' servants (excluding Lucius MALFOY) and officers were discussing the latest episode of "_Kyunki_ _saas bhi kabhi bahu thi_" (**_A/N-the most pathetic soap in India, even though everyone watches it.If I translate this into English, it means "Because the mother-in-law was also the daughter-in-law once. Man, it does sound funny translated into English. Tulsi killed her saas, that is, her mother-in-law, because she asked her to in this really pathetic way. Hahaha._**)

The stupid poet who "rhymed vilely" and liked to bug Brutus and Cassius while the fought in tents was chewing on his gum happily, wondering what was happening and what exactly he was doing here.

Messala and Artemidorous were playing hide and seek and were always hiding under the same chair and finding each other with no apparent effort while all the senators sighed with disgust on looking at them.

Voluminus, Lucilius and _young _Cato were drinking coke and seeing who could make the biggest bubbles in their drink.

Titinius wasn't with anybody; he was sitting alone, all by himself, thinking, with his light green eyes fixed solely upon Caius Cassius.

"_**Why didst thou send me forth, brave Cassius?**_

_**Did I not meet thy friends, and did not they**_

_**Put on my brows this wreath of victory,**_

_**And bid me give it thee? Did thou not hear their**_

_**Shouts?**_

_**Alas, thou has misconstructed everything.**_

_**But hold thee, take this garland on thy brow;**_

_**Thy Brutus bid me I give it thee, and I**_

_**Will do his bidding. Brutus, come apace,**_

_**And see how I have regarded Caius Casssius.**_

_**By your leave, gods. This is a Roman's part:**_

_**Come, Cassius' sword, and find Titinius' heart."**_

He bit his lower lip nervously, he_ did _want to go and talk to Cassius, something he had avoided for a long _long _time.

Cassius needed the loo, and went, and came out. But as he was coming out-

'Hey,'

'Titinius?' Caius breathed.

'Yeah,' said Titinius, 'been a long time, hasn't it?'

Caius nodded. Titinius, _here? _Well, he had to be. What was Caius thinking?

'Yeah, yeah,' said Caius. What should he say, what _could _he say? There was nothing to say.

'So, what's with you nowdays?' Titinius asked tensely.

'Me?' Caius asked, 'Well, I'm just here…I feel so stupid after what I did!' _How embarrassing! How can I just blurt out my feelings like that?_

'I would've done the same,' Titinius said, and paused, giving Caius a chance to notice him. Dark but blondish hair, falling straight onto his shoulder, sparkling green eyes, a narrow body structure…he _did _look different, and in a better way.

'If I had died?' asked Caius.

'You had died,' said Titinius, 'Suicide.'

'Yea-yeah,' what could Caius say? He _did _feel stupid, very stupid. He had gone and killed himself when he thought that all, including his Titinius, was lost, when it was, in fact, the opposite.

'I mean, like if you had gone,' said Titinius, 'and I thought that you were dead, I would…you know.'

'Then why stay away for so long?'

'Why did _you _stay away?'

'I-I don't know,' said Caius.

'I mean, I saw you here right now,' said Titinius, 'and I realized how much I was missing.'

'You _missed _me?'

Titinius didn't have words for what he felt; he just nodded.

'Um, er,' said Caius. He couldn't make his eyes meet Titinius'. The only reason Titinius had died was that Caius had died, and Caius had died out of his own stupidity.

'Caius,' said Titinius, 'I don't know what to say.'

'Neither-neither do I,'

'I mean, I thought these feelings would go away if I didn't ever see you, but they won't Caius, they won't.'

'Titinius?'

'Yes?'

'You're serious aren't you?'

Titinius nodded, 'I love you Caius Cassius.'

Caius didn't know why, but he smiled. He didn't even _know _that he was smiling, it just happened, all by itself.

And the next thing he knew was that he had his arms around Titinius and that they were kissing. It happened naturally, and turned from slow and tender to more passionate and loving. It felt so right, to both Caius and Titinius. They stood there holding each other and kissing. (**_A/N- don't mean to spoil the moment but ewwwwwwwwwwww…..) _** Cassius had his hands on Titinius' neck and the back of his head…_on his soft silky hair…_and Titinius' hands were around Cassius' waist. Seconds passed, minutes passed and slowly the kiss became more than right, it became perfect. They had never felt so complete. ..

'Titinius,' gasped Caius, as the kiss ended. Their arms were still around each other.

'Yeah?'

'I don't know what to say…'

'Say you love me.'

'What?'

Titinius grinned stupidly, 'Ca-,'. But just then there was a knock on the door which opened quickly.

'I do hope I wasn't disturbing you,' said the voice which had opened the door. He hadn't noticed what was happening…_yet._

It was Brutus. **_(A/N-DUN ! DUN! DUN!)_**

'Hey Mark,' said Titinius happily, unable to keep his hands of Caius.

'We-ere y-ouu?' Brutus managed to stammer after realizing what was happening. _What is he doing to my Cassius? Get your hands off him!_

'Yeah,' said Titinius casually.

'Cassius?' Brutus said, 'you were?'

Cassius felt his mouth dry up rapidly. What on earth had he done? _There is nothing between me and Bru, why should I feel bad. At least I won't feel bad about Portia now. _

'I was,' said Caius. _Get your hands of me Titinius!_

'Oh,' said Brutus simply. He was learning modern English seeing how Portia had finally decided to buy him a book on how to speak properly.

'Yeah,' said Caius, 'Erm, Bru.'

'Yeah?' the word "yeah" sounded weird coming out of Brutus' mouth, and had he said it any other time, Caius would be rolling on the floor, laughing. But now wasn't the time.

_It isn't your fault, _Caius told himself, _he has Portia, you have Titinius. It's fair. Why should you feel guilty? It's not like you and Bru are a couple. You're not hurting Portia anymore, your friendship is safe. You did the right thing. Plus, Titinius is the right guy for you. He's so pretty. He loves you. He so loves you. What more do you want. Bru will never be able to love you, Bru loves Portia. If you want happiness, love and your best friend, you'll have to go for it. That kiss wasn't too bad, it's the best you've ever had. Bru could NEVER kiss you the way Titinius just did…so flawless…so perfect. Titinius loves you. Love, Cassius, love…do you even KNOW what love is?_

_Marcus Brutus, DUH! _replied another part of Caius' brain casually.

_No…_Caius fought back_, Titinius. Love is what Titinius feels for you._

_And I presume you feel the same for him?_

_I don't know._

_Hehe._

_Shut up! Oh, god, I'm fighting with myself…_

_Yeah, well, you started it._

_No, you did._

_Did not._

_Did to._

_Did not._

_Did to._

_Did not._

_Wait, I forgot which side I was on._

_You were the one insisting that you were in love with that stupid Titinius, when you clearly aren't._

_Hey! Titinius is not stupid. And he's my boyfriend now._

_HAHA! You're gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay._

_I AM NOT!!!! Wait-no, I am._

_I win._

_No you don't-which side was I on again?_

_You're the one who THINKS that he's in love with Tity._

_Oh yea-DON'T CALL HIM TITY!!!!_

_I CAN AND I WILL…there comes mom's temper again. Must do more yoga. It helps._

_But we don't do yoga._

_Start then._

_Okay-but don't call him Tity._

_TITY! TITY! TITY TITY TITYYYYYYYYYY!_

_SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Has Mommy has possessed you, Tity lover?_

_He is not Tity, he is Titanius. Tit-tan-ee-us._

_Tity in short..._

_Noo…_

'Cass?' Titinius asked, snapping the fingers of his free hand (as the other was around Caius' waist), in front of Caius' face, 'You even there?'

'Wha-er, yeah, I am,' came the reply, 'where'd Bru go?'

'He just left. You seemed to be in a daze, half-asleep.'

'Oh,' said Caius, throwing Titinius what he thought was his most seductive, but was actually his most stupid-looking smile.

'So,' said Titinius, 'what now?'

Caius shrugged, 'no idea.'

'I could take you out…' Titinius suggested.

'Like on a date?' date. How nice.

'What else?' asked Titanius.

'I dunnoooooooooooooooo,' Caius was trying really hard to look sexy.

'Hmmmmmmmm,' said Titinius.

'So, date?' Caius confirmed.

'Yeah, Saturday night. I'll pick you up and we'll decide where to go.'

'At eight?' asked Caius. Eight o' clock, Saturday night. How typical.

'Eight it is,' said Titinius.

'Let's go back to the meeting now,' said Caius, 'or Portia'll freak out.'

'Yeah, c'mon.' Titinius started to move, 'what's keepin' you?'

'Can't move much when your arms are so tight around me, Titinius' Caius grinned.

'Oh, sorry,' Titinius blushed, 'and you can call me Tity.'

Cassius groaned, as the voice at the back of his head said, _haha. I win. You lose._

_You can't always win._

_Watch me._


	12. Chapter 12

_**CHAPTER ELEVEN**_

_**A/N- I think one of you didn't read chapters eight and nine and went straight to stupid sucky poem…you might be confused, because chapter eight and nine are the BEST chapters I have written. Not chapter nine, but eight is, so read it if you haven't. and don't forget to review…oh, and I have diwali holidays now, so I'm writing. Chapters will take time to come once school starts because then they are going to go reaaaaaaaaly fast and I'm going to have trouble coping.**_

Portia's POV

Caius emerges from the loo looking very happy. He did spend quite a lot of time there…wait, I see Titinius now. They're holding hands.

I raise my eyebrows, 'What the hell?'

'Oh,' says Caius happily, 'Meet Titinius, Porch.'

'Why are you holding hands?' I ask. _Like I don't know the answer._

'Guess,' says Caius, who is practically jumping up and down on the spot with excitement.

'I don't want to guess,' I say. What else is there to say?

'It's really obvious,' Caius hints.

I suck in a deep breath, 'you went and got yourself a boyfriend?'

'Good one,' beams Caius, as I shriek.

'WHA-????? YOU-TITINIUS-BOYFRIENDS??????'

'Um,' says Titinius, 'yeah.'

'That's-that's-,' I don't know what to say.

'That's what-?'

'That's so gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay,' I say.

'Yeah,' says Caius, 'so?'

'I don't know,' I say, 'I always thought you were, but I wasn't too sure.'

'That's okay,' Caius shrugs.

'I mean I always wondered why you didn't have a girlfriend,' I admit.

'Did,' Caius asks, 'you ever wonder why I didn't have a boyfriend?'

'Um,' I wonder, 'I dunno, you were in denial?'

'Why would I be in denial?' Caius asks.

'I don't know,' I say.

'You obviously hadn't met me yet,' Titinius says.

'Yeah,' says Caius, 'that must've been it. Yeah.'

'Okay,' I say, although I know we should be talking about how Shakespeare is controlling everyone and about saving the world.

'Titinius can't get his hands off you,' I unnecessarily point out.

'I know,' says Caius, 'sexy sexy me.' Titinius quickly takes his hands out of Caius' jeans pocket and puts them inside his own pocket.

'This is weird,' I say, 'but what do I tell all the people here.'

'Tell them to help themselves to the pizza and ask them to come tomorrow,' says Titinius simply, 'you can make some plan till then. Its Friday night anyway, they might have some party to attend.'

'Yeah,' I say, 'sounds good, we've warned them, we'll let them go.'

'Pizza first,' Titinius says.

'Yeah, whatever,' says Caius.

'Casca'll be happy,' I say.

'Casca?' Tininius asks, 'he was eating pizza right now, from his bag.'

'He's obsessed,' says Caius.

'Is he?' says Titinius, 'I haven't talked to him much, really.'

'He's cool,' says Caius, 'I'll tell him I wont be able to make it on Saturday night, he has a habit of taking me out for pizza three to four times a day.' And Caius winks flirtatiously at Titinius.

Oh Gaaaaaaaaaaawd!!!!!!

'Tell him then,' says Titinius, from whose voice jealousy is very very evident.

'Lalalaaa,' I say like I haven't noticed anything and leave the room quickly while I have the chance.

I can hear snogging from inside. Gross! Thank god I left.

I go and stand next to my husband, who looks very disturbed about something. He thinks he looks very calm and composed, like nothing is bothering him, but I know the truth; I've known him for more than two thousand years.

'What's the matter?' I ask. He doesn't say anything.

'Mark,' I repeat, 'what's the matter?'

'I know not,' he says, 'I prithee, ask me not. Leave me be.'

'Tell me,' I say.

'I would,' he says, 'but I don't know.'

I stare at his confused, perhaps even hurt face and ask the crowd to take their share of pizza, to return the next day, and to disperse.

-------------------------

Titinius' POV

"Seventh heaven." That's where I'm taking Caius. I'm paying of course, with him being the spoilt brat that he is.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't have any (okay, a little) make-up, but I have used a lot of stuff on my hair. _Expensive stuff._ But I'm not quite sure whether I'm supposed to tie it up. Is dating always this hard? I _do _want to look good, but I have no sense of fashion. _Damn!!!!!!!!_

I decide to leave it (my hair of course)open. Mom said that that looks better. Hmmm…which perfume….tie or no tie….eyeliner (eyeliner??????????? Yay! I can borrow moms)

'MOM!' I call out, 'I'm scared.'

She sighs, 'It's okay. This is your first date in years isn't it?'

I nod pathetically.

'There's no reason to be scared,' mom says, 'I'm sure that friend of yours must be scared too.'

'He's not my friend,' I say, 'Boyfriend.'

Mom looks at me through her square spectacles, 'that's my girl.'

'I am NOT a girl mom,' I say, 'should I put eyeliner? Which perfume? Mooooooom, you think he likes me?'

Mom sighs again, 'I'm sure he is very fond of you…no eyeliner for you.'

'BUT WHY??????? I want eyeliner…you think he likes me?'

'No eyeliner. And he hates you for repeatedly asking the same questions.'

'I WILL use eyeliner, and he LIKES me!' I say. Why does mom have to be so mean sometimes, 'Mom, which of these smell better?' I hand her two bottles of perfume.

'They are both very good,' says Mom without even smelling them.

'You think?' I say.

'No, they both smell like shit.'

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.'

'Then decide for yourself. You are a big gir-,'

'I'm a boy, mom.'

'-girl now.'

So I go inside and put on my make-up myself.

--------------------

Oh, god, I feel sick. My hair is open, I smell damn sexy, I'm wearing this suit thingy mom chose for me, without a tie, and I've got all these flowers in my hand.

_Flowers…_seriously.

I think I'm going to throw up any moment now. But I ring the doorbell anyway.

Caius opens it. He, unlike me, is in his pyjamas.

'Grsgdgood moogfdrning,' he says groggily, rubbing his eyes.

'Hi, erm, I got you flowers.' Now I _am_ going to throw up.

But I don't throw up.

'Titinius…what, it must be like five am?'

'It's eight o'clock Saturday night,' I say, 'not 5am.'

He grabs my hand aggressively and looks at my watch. 'Shit,' he says, 'I must've overslept…' he rubs his eyes again and looks at me, 'TITINIUS??? Oooh, the date! Shit! I'm so sorry! It was my alarm clock's fault!' He points at his Mickey Mouse alarm clock, 'it forgot to ring…'

'Right,' I say, 'flowers?'

'Oooooooooooooooooh,' says Caius, noticing them for what seems to be the first time, 'for me????????? You- chooooo- chweeeeeeeeeet!'

'Sure,' I say, 'anytime.'

'Yay!' he says, scratching his head. He's still half asleep, but grabs the flowers out of my hands all cheerfully.

'You're so nice,' he says, yawning right in front of me without bothering to cover his mouth. I know I should be offended but he looks so cute. Most of his hair falls in front of his eyes, and you can see little pools of blue swimming beneath them. His pyjamas have little teddy bears on them. I must say this sleepy look suits him.

'Ooooooh,' he says brushing some hair out of his face, 'white rose thingies.'

'White roses,' I correct him, 'not thingies.'

He blinks, 'I think I need coffee.'

'Um.'

'Come in, I'll make you some too.'

'Um, thanks,' I walk inside, and whoa! His house such a MESS. There are clothes, accessories, make-up stuff, gel, hair-dye, a wide assortment of combs and hair-brushes lying around everywhere, on the floor, on the sofa, on the television set- practically EVERYWHERE.

'Sorry for the mess,' he says. He's now gaining consciousness and is awakening slowly. I notice that his face has turned red due to embarrassment.

'Good morning,' I cheerfully say.

'Yeah,' he blushes, 'want coffee?'

'You've already asked,' I remind him.

'Sit down,' he says.

'Where?'

'Oh Titinius, I'm so sorry,' he takes some clothes off a sofa and dumps them on another. The load of all the clothes is too much for the other sofa and they tumble down on to the floor. Caius doesn't seem to care.

'Um,' I sit down nervously.

'I'm really sorry,' he repeats, 'I had remembered that it was our big date. I was sleeping.'

'Its okay,' I lie. Of course its not okay, I spent forever getting ready and making plans, but only to see him like _this._

'I didn't mean to,' he says.

'I understand,' I say.

'You're the best,' he says happily. I'm happy to see him smile like that, of course, but he forgot…

'Thanks,' I say.

'Wanna come to the kitchen,' he asks, 'we'll make coffee, and then we'll go. Swear.' He takes my hand and takes me to his kitchen. I forgive him for forgetting our date instantly for holding my hand so caringly. He looks so innocent…his eyes sparkling what seems to be his love for me, his hands so warm on mine, strands of his hair falling on his face like they always do, his pyjama top half tucked into his pyjama bottoms, he looks so free.

His kitchen is, of course, no better than the rest of his house. Its amazing how, despite having each and every meal out of the house, he manages to keep it so disorganized. All this messiness looks amazingly cute on him though. I have mentioned this fact so many times already but it is so true-he is so cute.

He sits on this chair he has in his kitchen, I know, who keeps chairs in their kitchens? He sits down and invites me to sit down on another.

I sit down and watch him make coffee. He keeps sticking his hair behind his ears, but they fall out each time, on his eyes, enhancing his good-looks.

He makes the coffee within a matter of a few minutes and hands me a cup, 'here you go.'

'Thanks.'

'Why're you looking at me like that?' he asks, though I can tell he knows the answer. His face has turned beet-root red. _He's blushing._

He says nothing and grins.


	13. 12 the chap before this wrongly named

Cassius' POV

I feel so stupid. I forgot our date! I mean, how could I?

I grin at Titinius as he asks me why I'm looking at him like that. I grin like this when I'm lost for words: not because I'm totally stunned by his "beauty" or anything, but because I just don't know what to say.

'Nice coffee,' he says, even though he hasn't tasted it yet.

'Thanks,' I say.

He takes a sip, and says, 'You know Caius, it _has _been a long time.'

'I know,' I say, 'I can't believe I thought you died, it was like I had no faith in you.'

'It wasn't your fault,' he says.

'If I hadn't killed myself,' I slowly say, 'we could've won. Easily.'

'I know,' he says, drinking some more coffee, 'but it's over now.'

I take in a deep breath, 'but some things aren't that easy to forget.'

'It was hard,' Titinius says, 'to forget you. I never did manage to do it.'

'I never forgot you either,' I lie.

'That's nice to know,' he says, stirring his coffee with his spoon.

'Things were strange, I mean, so much happened back there. It was us, you guys, Mesella, _Brutus-,' _It isn't easy to speak his name, 'and me against Mark Antony and Octavius Caesar. There were times when I was so scared, but I always knew I could kill myself; it was something I had, and was proud of. And when I did it, I found out that I shouldn't have. I knew I could use this power only once, and yet, I used it at a time like _that_. I mean, I could've done it when, _if _we actually lost.'

'We ended up two dead people.'

'Life wasn't really worth living without you.'

'Same here.'

'I mean,' I continue, 'you were a great friend, and I really liked you.'

'Liked?'

'That was a long time back,' I say, 'I liked you. I was married.'

_And there was Brutus. Marcus Brutus._

'No wife now?'

'No,'

_But there's still Brutus._

_Oh, shut up._

_Tity, Tity, Tiiiiiiiiiiiity._

_Stupid obnoxious person you are…._

_You know, you're calling yourself that._

_Yeah, whatever. And anyway, Brutus doesn't love me. He loves Portia._

_How can you be SO sure?_

_I am. Portia is my friend and he loves her. And I have feelings for Tit-_

_Tity._

_-inius now_

_Do not._

_Do too._

_Oh yeah, suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure, '_you were a great friend and I really liked you._' You and I both know that is still true._

_Is not. I have changed. I am not the same Cassius that I was two thousand years ago. I have grown and am much more mature now-_

_-Relatively speaking, of course-._

_And my feelings have changed._

_You're still the same._

_Am not._

_Are too._

_Oh, shut up._

_You're telling yourself to shut up._

_If you-I-wasn't fighting with me-myself like this, this wouldn't be happening. This is all your-I mean-my fau-_

_You're just a confused idiot. You-me-I-my whatever._

_Whatever!!!!!!_

_That's what I said._

_I meant it in a different sense._

_Meant what? _

_The word "whatever."_

_Whatever._

_Yeah._

_No I'm calling everything YOU say whatever._

_The word "you" is not applicable here, you said so yourself-_

_Well, now see who's using the words "you" and "yourself"._

_I meant the other part of my brain, the stupid voice at the back of my head._

_You need a physiatrist…talking to yourself like that…_

_Then please stop it._

_This is almost like soliloquy…_

_Yeah…_

_Fun in some weird way, you know._

_FUN????????? You outta your mind?_

_No._

_Goo-_

_You are._

_You mean you are because you're me!_

_You'll only end up confusing yourself…_

_You mean YOU will end up confusing YOURSE-_

_Your precious Tity's calling._

_Huh?_

'Caius?' Titinius says, 'you seem so lost.'

'Me?' I quickly say, 'I was thinking of you.' What a big, fat lie!

'But I'm right here.'

'Must you argue with me like this?' I jokingly say.

'I was just asking,' he says, 'and you've pretty much drunk your coffee. Go get dressed.'

I agree with him and go. He sits in the kitchen waiting for me.

I enter my bedroom and quickly put on a torn pair of jeans and my funkiest T-shirt…

_You gonna wear that? THAT?_

_Um, yeah. I'm cool._

_On a big date like this, it isn't cool._

_Why do you always insist on telling me what to do?_

_Because that's what consciences do. DUH!!!_

_You're my conscience?_

_Obviously…you mean you didn't know?_

_Of course I knew, I was just being stupid._

_You can't lie to yourself, baby._

_Watch me._

_There you go, you just admitted to lying. Man, you are one stupid guy…._

_Want mom's temper to attack again??_

_Well, erm, no…_

_THEN SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!_

_Okay, okay, chill man…_

_I'm chiillin', I'm cool…I'm chillin' I'm cool…_

_Good. Now get something else to wear._

_Like?_

_That suit you have._

_But that's gross…_

_You look very handsome in it:-very handsome indeed. Dashing, I must say._

_Wow, if Brutus sees me-I mean, if Titinius sees me, he'll so fall in love with me._

_Brutus or Tity?_

_Titinius._

_He's head over heels for you already. Let's concentrate on Bru._

_Consciences are supposed to tell the people they are in that they are NOT supposed to hurt their friend's feelings. And here, you make me do the opposite. Sometimes I think that I am the conscience inside you, an evil Person._

_That could be true. That would make me the master and you the slave…MWAHAHHAAAAAAAAAA!_

_If I was your conscience, not slave, I would constantly nag you for your sins, even more than you nag me for my good deeds._

_Good deeds you call them? Hehe…_

_That's not funny. You have a SICK sense of humour._

_Do not._

_Do too._

_Do not._

_Okay, I'll wear that stupid suit AND tie AND perfume._

_That's my girl!_

_Shut up or I'll change my mind._

_K, k, k………._

I let out a sigh of relief. Thank god he went. I put on my clothes and perfume…now how do I wear a tie?

I walk out of the door, 'TITINIUS! HELP!' I know I'm like a two year old, but that's who I am and I cannot help it.

He comes running to my rescue, 'Yeah?'

'How do I wear this tie?' I ask in my most pathetic voice. Portia says it sounds cute…_in a one year old way._

'Come here,' sighs Titinius, 'I'll put it on for you…'

I throw him my most flirtatious smile and he smiles coyly back at me, 'you can't even put on a tie. That's cute, you know.'

'I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…but thanks anyway,' I say.

'You're welcome,' he says and steps back ,'your tie is done.'

'Thannnks,' I say, 'lets go.'

Brutus' (confused idiot) POV

Its nine pm now. The meeting takes place at three am, I know that's bed time, but Portia says that that is when everyone is awake. Weird people…

Portia is inside right now, making plans for the meeting as I sit here watching television, even though right now everything on the T.V seems like a blur. I can barely see, my mind is thinking of other things. Caius Cassius… Why him of all people? I don't know, is it because we are discovering lost friendship, lost love?

I don't mean _that _kind of love. I mean friendly love. Platonic love.

Or do I?

I don't know…I am so confused. Why is this happening to me? Why do I feel this way? Why is life so complicated, so confusing?

Why does Cassius make me feel this way, so helpless, so small, so incomplete, like he's the one whom I've been waiting for during the thousands of years of my existence, like he's all that I've ever needed, that I'm going to be lost like this, forever, without him…

Why, Caius Cassius, why? Can't you leave my poor heart alone, why can't you just let me be, convince me that I don't need you, for the simple reason that you can never be mine? Why are you doing this, breaking my already shattered heart to more than a million pieces, and leaving me in the darkness?

Why does destiny have to be so cruel, making us meet, and then tearing us apart…tearing our love apart…tearing our souls, our will to live apart, tearing our entire universe into two, leaving us cold and alone, left to face the pain of separation alone.

Alone.

Is this really PLATONIC love? Friendly love? Brotherly love? Thou art my brother not. Thou WAS my brother-IN-LAW…Thee makes me think. And methinks I love thee.

Does methinks wrong?

Do I think wrong? Tell me the truth…I immediately see Cassius facing me, dagger in his palm, staring at me with tears in his eyes, as I try not to look at his open chest.

"_Come. Antony, and young Octavius, come,_

_Revenge yourselves alone on Cassius,_

_For Cassius is aweary of this world:_

_Hated by one he loves, brav'd by his brother;_

_Check'd like a bondman; all his faults observ'd,_

_Set in a notebook, learn'd and conn'd by route,_

_To cast upon my teeth. O, I could weep_

_My spirit from mine eyes! There is my dagger,_

_And here my naked breast; within, which a heart,_

_Deeper than Pluto's mine, richer than gold:_

_If that thou be'st a Roman, take it forth._

_I, that denied thee gold, will give my heart:_

_Strike, as thou didst Caesar, for I know,_

_When thou didst hate him worst, thou lov'dst him better_

_Than ever thou lov'dst Cassius."_

Now I see him crying even more, yelling, screaming. He calms down…

"_Cassius. Do you confess so much? Give me your hand._

_Brutus. And my heart too._

_Cassius. O Brutus!_

_Brutus. What's the matter?_

_Cassius. Have not you love enough to bear with me,_

_When that rash humour which my mother gave me_

_Makes me forgetfull?"_

I have already given him my heart; it belongs to him and him alone now. He asked for my hand and I went and gave him my heart instaed. I never realized my burning love for him; it just in my unconscious mind, and shall lie there, perhaps, forever…

My conscious mind does not know what happens inside his very own self…I think I'm hurting for no reason…

I'm confused…

Portia's POV

I am making plans for the meeting, which will start a few hours later…I don't know what I'm going to do.

But then, out of nowhere, sparks appear…

POOF!

'Um,' I say to a figure that is slowly forming, 'who are you?'

The figure takes some time to form. Her toes appear, then her foot, then her calves, knees, legs…whatever…don't want to go on. Finally her face also appears and she waves a thin stick around in a very stupid manner.

'I'm Caius' fairy godmother! Weeeeeeeeeeeee!'


	14. Chapter 13

**_rCHAPTER THIRTEEN _**

**_A/N- am so sorry for being late. have a test at my tuitions on Wednesday, school starting on Thursday, and we shall be forced to study like HELL, and we have school on Saturdays here so chapters may take time to come. And now my dad is taking this laptop to his room before going to sleep, which is at nine o'clock, and nine to ten is my writing time!!!! And if you're wondering, yeah, I can't tie my tie either (we wear a tie to school, part of the uniform). My mom does it for me…and yells at me for being unable to tie a simple tie. The Cassius in this chapter is a version of myself, except that I'm not too fond of coke. But if I was, I wouldn't be any different from him. Anyway, review…_**

Cassius

Cassius sipped his coke. Yes, coke at a big posh fancy restaurant. It was the only thing he drank apart from water and coffee and always insisted that he get a straw. Coke was incomplete without straws. He had drunk seven glasses of coke already and his stomach was feeling rather gassy. And he also wanted to burp.

'What do you want for the main course,' Titinius asked, watching Caius blowing bubbles into his coke before drinking it.

_Something expensive, _said the voice at the back of Caius' head. Like he was going to listen to it. He was going to have what he wanted.

'Chocolate,' he said without a second thought.

'Chocolate?'

_Chocolate? _the evil conscience tauntingly repeated

'Yeah,' said Caius, 'chocolate.'

'You might want to look at the menu,' Titinius said.

'WHA-,' Caius' eyes opened wide to the size of footballs in horror as he snatched the menu card from Titinius' hand, 'don't they have chocolate on it?'

'Um,' said Titinius, 'they have chocolate ice cream, but that's not exactly a meal.'

'Yeah,' said Caius sadly and called the waiter saying, 'Mr. Waiter guy, what do you have in chocolate?'

The waiter thought for a moment and finally said,' well we have rich dark chocolate cake, we have-,'

'I want the cake, and the biggest one,' said Caius.

'It's rather big,' said the waiter, 'it's for about, well, a _very_ big party. And it can fill all of them. But you can get it packed, of course. By the way, sir, happy birthday.'

'Thank you,' said Caius happily, even though it was October and his birthday was far away.

'So,' Titinius asked, 'are you having the cake?'

Caius nodded happily, 'cake for me and for Titinius, ask him.'

Titinius ordered some dish with a long complicated name that Caius couldn't really register in his mind. Not that he cared, of course…with all that chocolate to look forward to. Mmmmmmmmm….. (**_A/N- I so NEED chocolate now…am dying…need-chocolate-need-chocolate-need-chocolate. Yes people, I am a chocoholic.)_**

Titinius and Caius talked about stupid, useless things like whether the sun rose in the east or the west (hehe. Remember act II scene I?) till the food came in.

Before the waiter could offer to cut the cake, Caius had already taken a big fat spoon and was eating the cake in a very pathetic, but hungry manner. There was chocolate all over his face, which had broken into a very very very big smile.

The waiter tried to smile politely at Titinius , who was staring at Caius, spellbound, thinking about how cute he was.

The waiter placed Titinius' dish on the table; it was some weird salad looking like thingy which had noodle-like things on top of it. Neither Caius nor Titinius knew what exactly it was, but it tasted alright, so Titinius ate it.

'You know,' said Caius between muffled bites, 'I so love this.'

How Titinius still thought that all this was cute, god knows, but he did. Caius was the most ADORABLE person he had ever seen, even if he kept his house so ultra-messy, ate chocolate like there was nothing else in the world that he cared about and slept forever unless woken.

The entire chocolate cake had been finished within five minutes and Caius was carelessly doodling with his spoon as Titinius tried hard to take his gaze off him.

'Why do you stare so Titinius?' Caius finally asked.

'You ate fast,' Titinius said and then quickly added, 'but in a good way, of course.'

'I like chocolate,' said Caius, 'I would DIE for chocolate.' **_(A/N- I know, how stupid, but I would die for chocolate too)_**

'That's,' _cute, _thought Titinius, 'nice to know.'

Titinius then took another bite of his salad thingy with a fork, chewing slowly and carefully. This seemed to annoy Caius who said, 'I want dessert.'

Titinius stared at him in disbelief. He hadn't believed that anybody would have been able to eat that entire cake even within period of one month, let alone want dessert after that.

'Oh,' Caius noticed, 'you're still eating.'

Titinius nodded, 'yeah, well, the food just got here.'

'I suppose,' said Caius, 'I need the loo,'

'Go then,' said Titinius, and that was exactly what Caius did.

He walked leisurely to the loo, looking around happily at everyone until…

_How does the man stand you?_

_You had said that you would go…_

_Yeah, well, I'm back. Say "hi."_

_BYE!!!!_

_So, as I was saying._

_Titinius can stand me because he loves me. _

_Like you love Bru? Noooo, you love Bru more…_

_He loves me more._

_Whatever._

_Mommy's temper coming up…_

_Okay, okay, I'm going…_

_GOODBYE!!!!!!_

Caius wiped the sweat of his forehead…what was his conscience's problem anyway? Why wasn't it going?

He walked slowly to the loo. What if his stupid conscience forced him into admitting his love…no…his supposed love for Brutus, and he just spat it out, like the idiot that he was. How would Titinius feel?

No, his conscience couldn't make him say something he didn't want to say. Especially a big fat lie…why would he love Brutus? It was a thing of the past…it was over. _Over. _There was nothing to feel guilty about. He did like Titinius, and maybe their relationship would work out. _Maybe…_

Maybe Brutus…no, he shouldn't think of that. TITINIUS…

He walked into the loo and splashed some water all over his face. He had a habit of doing that every five minutes despite his other habit of having a bath once a month, and only when his hair got too oily. He then stretched his arms and yawned very widely as the door opened to let Julius Caesar walk in. Caius watched him come in and at once yelled, 'what on earth are you doing here, Mr. Tyranny?'

Mr. Tyranny shrugged and said, 'I kinda needed to pee.' He then narrowed his eyes and said, 'and what are you doing here, oh very nice person?'

'Same thing you wanted to do, Mr. stupid sarcastic person,' Caius snapped.

'You really hate me, don't you?' said Caesar.

'You're really stupid, aren't you?' Caius fired back, 'asking questions with such obvious answers. Of course I hate you.'

'Well,' Caesar wondered what to say, 'I hate you more.'

'I am sure our hate for each other is of the same amount:-a lot. At least I hate you for a reason, a decent reason, that you hate me. Your reason to hate me is stupid, really,' said Caius, who then mimicked a high-pitched girl's voice, '_oooooh no, I'm so scareeeeeeeeed, Caius has bad hair!!!! He can't sleep! He has no taste in music-he doesn't even listen to music!!!! Oh the horror!!!! _And I can even swim better than you…'

'So what if you can swim-,'

'What do you mean by that? All world leaders should know how to swim!!!'

'Oh, yeah? Swimming competition tomorrow, you up to it?'

'I can beat you in a swimming completion blindfolded.'

'We'll see how true that is.'

'Okay, but not tomorrow, next week.'

'Whenever…but I'll beat you this time. I'm world leader and I can freakin' swim!'

'You're not world leader anymore,' Caius said, 'and swimming…lets hope you can swim now…'

'I can and I will.'

'We'll see about that.'

'Um-Cassius.'

'What is it Tyranny?' Caius said in what he thought was his loudest and scariest voice.

'I really need to pee.'

----------

Brutus' POV (if you haven't figured it out already, I absolutely adored the fight scene. Can't stop writing about it.)

**I can see him so clearly, tears streaming down his blue eyes. The tears seem to sparkle as if they have sunlight falling on them, even though we are alone in the tent. I am almost scared to death went I see that dagger in his hands. **

**_Don't do it! _I think _I've already lost Portia, I can't lose you…you're everything to me…_**

**But he doesn't kill himself. He asks me to do it instead. I can see the love shining through his eyes, piercing my skin and penetrating through my weak my body. I can sense the pain lying beneath your broken heart…**

_**Kill me…**_

**It's too painful to listen to the rest of his tactless words. He really thinks I hate him…how can he? After all that happened between as, how can he do this, we're about to lose…the war, our lives. I was hoping that our love would still be strong, because that's the one sole thing that keeps my heart beating. I am not scaredof death, I'm scared of losing Cassius.**

**I'm scared. I'm afraid.**

_**If you are true Roman, kill me.**_

**If it involves killing you, I am not a true Roman. I am not anything, _anything _without you in my life.**

**_Sheathe your dagger. _The words come out of my mouth before I realize it, perhaps more harsh than I had intended them to be. I cannot help it. Portia is dead. **

**_Portia is dead. _I tell him what's bothering me. He seems to understand. He says that he loves me. I say that I forgive him, for being so upset. There is a connection between our souls…we don't, and yet so well, so perfectly understand each other. He drinks in the name of my love and I stare at him, spell bounded. **

I wake up, wiping the sweat off my forehead….

--------------

Fairy Goddmother's POV

Portia is so going to be grateful to me. I thought I'd help her out 'cause she is Caius' bestest bestest friend.

'Don't know what to do at the meeting,' I kindly say.

She nods.

'Then I know just what to do.'


	15. Chapter 14

_**CHAPTER FOURTEEEEEEEEEEN**_

**_A/N- I'm back people!!!! Review. Please please review because it is simply WRONG not to review. You can also check out the rest of my stories and my favourites because my chapters MAY take time to come now. And read all the chapters before proceeding. One of you skipped two chapters before "stupid sucky poem", or so my stats said. You'll be all confused now…oh, and my half-yearlys are starting from November the 25th, so wish me good luck!!!! And does anyone know when exactly Caius' birthday is, coz I find dates in JC confusing…we should know whether he's an Arian or a Piscean or a cusp. Oh, and another poem. I think I may be improving at poetry. And there is more to the evil conscience and the fairy godmother than it seems… (hehe). And now I am starting to like Caius-Titinius, and Caius- Brutus…WHAT DO I DO???????????? Help me people, and review telling me that Cassius and Brutus are soul-mates. And I am sorry this is a whole week late, I had written it but then I forgot to post it. I know, silly silly me…and why are only TWO people reviewing my stories…oh hell, I don't really care, its writing the story that's fun. This is gonnna be the first chaptered story I'm gonna complete! Yeah! I know I'm late, but its because I accidently deleted this chapter and had to rewrite it. Stupid me._**

Portia's POV

Just an hour left for the meeting…I can't wait. The fairy godmother is sooooo great. I love her! She had produced these sheets of paper out of nowhere. They had read-

"_Someone whose name I am not mentioning because it will spoil the surprise_

_World dominance._

_All his._

_He would rule._

_He laughed, 'hahaha! They don't know. They don't know anything.'_

'_Sir,' said his assistant who was a tall, slim woman with brown hair which was highlighted blond. It could also have been vice versa, but that does not matter. People's hair colours hardly count in a story like this. She was wearing a very short skirt. But that does not matter much either._

'_Haahhaaaaaaaahahahaha!' said the evil boss._

'_Yes, sir I quite agree, but may I please talk,' the assistant said, pushing her thin framed spectacles further up her nose._

'_Go on.'_

'_They could know. And those "hahaha's" went out of fashion ages ago. I mean, evil people from the 70's did that.'_

'_Sorry. How could they know?'_

'_You may have noticed, sir. Not everything is going according to plan. See?' and she pointed towards something on the computer screen. The file's (the file which contained the thing was being pointed towards) name was 'the plaaaaan'. What was in it, you shall not know till the author, i.e. me, decides to tell you._

'_Shit,' said the evil man, 'now what?'"_

And there was another sheet.

"_The evil guy_

_They hadn't invited him. Was he not important enough? He had played role in the story. Not too important, just like a two minute thing. He was useless…curse that Shakespeare! How could he have done that to him, used him like a thing, just to demonstrate a stupid fact, and then thrown him away._

_  
Why hadn't they given him a main role? Why? Why? Why? He had wanted one so bad. But nooooooooo, five freakin' minutes and then "bye-bye". And now he wasn't invited…his part had no significance, did it? He would show them…he would have his revenge._

'_It's just a party sir,' said the short-skirted assistant, interrupting his thoughts._

'_You haven't gone?'_

'_Why would I go, sir?'_

'_Why not, you could've spied on them…'_

'_I wasn't feeling too good, so I skipped the party. Why would we spy on them?'_

'_They called everyone. Everyone but me…all the senators, their servants, Lucius even, Pindarius, the cobbler and the carpenter, the stupid mob, the guards, assistants, the stupid soothsayer-,_

'_I get the point sir.'_

'_Okay, you're to find out what happened in that meeting.'_

'_Sir, it was a party. Portia had called. She said party. I didn't read the mail though, my husband did and he went on my behalf.' (**A/N. and who is this secret husband? The soothsayer, Flavius, Marullus, that weird guy who gave Caesar the note, Caesar himself, hahahahahahahaaaaaaaa. I'm not saying its one of them. I'm saying it **could** be one of them. Guess for yourselves. Mwahahahaha. O, my supreme cruelty!!!!!!!!!!)**_

'_Okay, forget the party then.'"_

'This,' the fairy godmother (who is gone now) had said, 'is a big fat clue.'

'Wha-?' I asked, 'what is this?'

'It's something I found lying around,' she said, like she was keeping something from me. Not like, she _is _keeping something from me.

'What do you know?' I asked, but she was gone.

'What the-?'

Now I stare at these sheets of paper. What do they tell me? There's an evil guy around. A _Julius Caesar _character who wasn't invited to the party, he had conveyed something, but wasn't important enough to be here. An evil guy who is controlling us. But wasn't Shakespeare controlling them? Then why had that guy thought, 'Damn that Shakespeare!' ? And who exactly is his assistant- Tall, slim, highlighted hair, spectacles…I really don't know. But I do know someone's wife was missing from here. Who could it be…?

Then it hits me all of a sudden…I have access to "evil guy's" thoughts… Shakespeare has access to our feelings in the form of a _play. _I have access to this "evil guy's" feelings in the form of…normal prose. I can read his freakin' mind! Oh yeah!!!!

The crowd will so love this…especially Antony, poor thing, doing Cleopatra's dishes and all. I wonder why the fairy godmother isn't telling me all she knows…

_All the world's a play, and all the men and women, merely players._

Now where did that come from?

Cassius/Titinius

Caius and Titinius had returned from dinner hours ago and were busy making out on Caius' bed. (**_A/N- I would write about it, but I am a kid who has trouble writing KISSING scenes, let alone MAKING OUT scenes. It's just that its so gross and impossible to write about. Ew ew ew ew…I feel all stupid even thinking about it.)_**

The phone rang

Cassius groaned and got up to pick up the phone.

'Whrag happgenedgh?' he said in a muffled voice. His well kept hair was in a mess, sticking out at weird places. And his clothes were no better.

'Caius,' said Portia's voice from the other line, 'you do remember the meeting right. Just half an hour is left…I thought you'd be here extra early… And you didn't tell me you had a fairy godmother.'

'Wha-?'Caius said groggily, 'fairygod-what???? You met her?!?!?'

'Yeah,' said Portia, 'she just dropped in to say, 'hi.''

Caius' skin turned pale. 'What did she say?' he asked.

'She said she'd help me plan the meeting, but she didn't stay for long,' said Portia.

_Shit. _Caius wondered what to say. What if that woman had told her the truth…about his feelings…his _forgotten_ feelings for Bru.

'And-?'

'That's it. Are you coming?'

'Yeah-yeah I am…I was kinda busy though.' Caius wasn't in the mood to tell her what _exactly _he had been doing.

'Okay,' said Portia before keeping her phone down, 'but get here fast.'

Caius hung up, tried to straighten his hair, failed and said, 'Hey, Titinius, remember the meeting?'

Titinius looked back up at Caius, thought a little and said, 'ooh, yeah…I forgot. We have to go now. Its two thirty…but she said three, didn't she?'

'Yeah,' said Caius, shrugging, 'But I'm expected early, and it'll take time to get there. And you can come with me.'

'Oh-kaaay,' said Titinius. He then got up and gave Caius a quick peck on the cheek before taking his shirt off.

'What're you doing?' Caius asked, trying not to look at Titinius' chest.

'I can't go in this,' Titinius said, 'can I borrow one off your shirts?'

'Sure,' said Caius and opened his cupboard, carefully picking out a T-shirt. It wasn't crumpled and all and Titinius' wondered whether Caius had ironed it himself…nah, he couldn't iron a shirt ALL BY HIMSELF. Maybe he had just never worn it. He _bought_ new shirts when his old ones got crushed or dirty.

Titinius wore Caius' shirt while Caius tried to comb his hair. The comb wouldn't work so he flattened it using lots and lots of water. Since the author isn't really in the mood to describe how a person gets dressed we'll skip that part. They're leaving the house now.

'Time?' said Caius.

'Two forty,' said Titinius casually. It was morning!!!!! Yay!

'Cool,' said Caius, 'get into my car and it'll take five minutes to get there.'

Brutus' POV

_**Broken Blue eyes staring at my face.**_

**_Tears falling, yet you won't drop your gaze._**

_**Passion crying out from deep within,**_

"_**Can't you see the pain I'm in?"**_

_**---**_

_**And I know not but to stare,**_

_**Acting as if I don't care,**_

**_I say I'm sad, that I'm in sorrow,_**

**_That I shall listen to you tomorrow…_**

**_I know not but to, at your face, cruelly scream,_**

_**Making your life nought but terrible dream,**_

_**Breaking to a million pieces your sad heart,**_

**_But then, was she not shattered from the start?_**

_**---**_

_**On love, I may not know a single word,**_

_**I know, everything I say sounds absurd…**_

**_Yet this I know- love is sore, love is tender,_**

_**Love breaks my heart, but then mends her,**_

**_Back, free from pain, back to what she was…_**

**_But Is that only hope, or something else because-_**

**_Perhaps, one day, our frowns will turn to laughter-_**

**_Perhaps we can still live happily ever after…?_**

_**---**_

**_Hope alone is what keeps me going on,_**

**_Making even darkest nightfall seem dawn,_**

**_Hope is what makes my hurting heart beat-_**

**_That simple Wish that our souls shall meet,_**

_**And know what we feel,**_

_**Know that this is real…**_

_**Know that it was always meant to be,**_

_**Know that it is only you and me…**_

_**---**_

_**Yet now all I see,**_

**_Is nothing like what I want it to be-_**

_**Broken Blue eyes staring at my face.**_

_**Tears falling, yet you won't drop your gaze.**_

_**Passion crying out from deep within,**_

"_**Can't you see the pain I'm in?"**_

Cassius

He drove the car recklessly. There was practically no traffic in "heaven" and it was impossible to die or get hurt so Titinius didn't really have much to complain about. He just sat there and watched Caius drive. Caius was whistling while he was driving…how he ever managed to stay on the road was a mystery…

BUMP!

Titinius tried to close his eyes; he felt all giddy. He knew getting hurt wasn't quite possible, but that didn't quite stop terror from bubbling to the surface of his skin like boiling milk that wasn't taken out from under a flame on time. _Stop…_he desperately thought.

_Really Tity, _said a voice at the back of his head _you can't get hurt and you know it._

Titinius blinked. And evil conscience…wait, how did he know that it was a conscience and that it was evil?

_Simple, _his conscience replied for him, _I am a conscience because I am here, at the back of your head…and I am evil…wait, I am not evil, you have hurt my delicate consciency feelings._

_What the hell?_ Titinius thought. Was he talking to himself? Was he crazy? He shut his eyes, his eyelashes falling dexterously onto his cheeks. Caius rather liked the way Titininius' eyelashes fluttered all the time, even if they were kind of girly. He, however, wasn't concentrating too hard on Titinius' pretty eyelashes at the moment.

_**Eyelash boy, he loves you not,**_

_**You're not cute and you're not hot,**_

_**He's not that one true love you think you've found,**_

**_Little eyelashy idiot, he's on rebound._**

Titinius blinked. What the-?

Caius turned his neck to look more clearly at his boyfriend, 'we're here, whatcha thinking?'

Titinius shook his head. He wanted to say something like, 'Do you love me?', but he knew that that would be too much of pressure on Caius. He bit his lip nervously…_no, don't say it…its too early, you'll scare him, he'll run away and never come back…_

'Titinius,' Caius asked, 'are you feeling alright; you don't look too good.'

'I-er…'

'You alright? Do you have a temperature or something?' Caius placed his hand gently on Titinius' forehead.

_You don't have to ask him…you know he likes you, _Titinius tried to convince himself.

'Your temperature is normal,' Caius informed Titinius.

'It is a sickness of the mind,' was what Titinius wanted to say, but that would only sound stupid because…well, it just would. He had no reasons to think that Caius was "on rebound", none at all. This was all just his stupid, demented imagination.

_I am not demented. _said his evil conscience.

_Yes, you are…_

_Shut up._

_Go. Please go…_

'Titinius,' Caius said. His voice _did _sound concerned. Genuinely concerned.

'Yea-h,' said Titinius.

'You alright?' Caius asked for what seemed like the millionth time.

Titinius nodded, 'I-I got..um…dizzy.'

'I drive that bad, huh?' Caius grinned.

Titinius shook his head wildly, 'no-of course not. Headache-but it's gone now.'

'Okay,' said Caius, with anxiousness very distinct in his voice (**_A/N- awwww…poor Caius is worried. And how many times am I going 2 mention that? I am so sick of myself…)_**, 'coz we're here now.'

'Right,' Titinius said, stepping out of Caius' car, his feet feeling weak on solid ground, like he was going to fall.

Caius walked beside him to Portia's gate where they were greeted excitedly, 'guess what????'

'What?'

'I have stuff here,' Portia said as she handed him some sheets of paper, the same in which the "evil guy" was mentioned, 'there's an evil guy around…oh, hi Titinius!'

'Hey Portia,' said Titinius, 'what's up?'

'Nothing much,' said Portia, 'well, I mean, a lots up…this evil guy and all, a poor old man kidnapped in a place we call heaven, and Mark is all upset for some reason-,'

Caius jerked his head up from the sheets his eyes had been on with a speed faster than light.

'Wha-?'

'Mark,' he said, rubbing his neck, which hurt BAD. Jerking heads at lightning-speed isn't exactly the most blissful experience one can have.

'I mean Bru,' he said, 'whys he upset? WHY?'

Portia blinked, surprised. 'I didn't know you cared so such about him. Its just one of his passing moods. Nothing much.'

'Passing moods?' Titinius asked, 'Yeah, Brutus has lots of passing moods, he does…'

'How do you know?' Caius snapped.

'Nothing to get so touchy about,' said Portia, 'he's cool.'

'Are you sure?' Caius asked.

'Yeah,' said Portia, 'I'm sure.'

'Maybe he's nervous,' Titinius suggested.

'Or confused,' said Portia, 'like he always is.' (**_A/N- omigaaaaaaaaawd!!!! I feel so bad about having to break up Titinius and Cassius, and now I feel even worse, coz I came across this picture, or drawing, of Brutus and Portia in Brutus' garden and the scene looked SO romantic, I was staring at it for ages. They looked SO in love. Porch looked so pretty and Brutus also looked good in some weird way, and the way he was looking at her…awwwww….and Titinius really likes Caius, must he go? This sucks…oh well, Bru and Caius will probably get together in the end, so there's no reason to worry…)_**

'I know,' said Caius, 'he is confused 24x7. At least the Brutus I remember was. I always listened to him, you know. Even though his plans nearly always sucked, I did, I ALWAYS did.'

'Too bad for you,' said Portia, 'and I'll talk to Mark about listening to other people's points of views too, he is so stubborn.'

'I guess,' said Caius, 'but lets discuss, erm, about what we're gonna do about your kidnapped friend.'

'I dunno,' said Portia, 'they've taken him to this dungeon place, I've heard. They've locked him up and he's surviving on lollipops alone.'

'That's not too bad, is it?' said Caius.

'Why would they do that?' Titinius asked curiously.

'I don't know,' said Portia, 'but I hope they have a good reason for it…your fairy godmother said-,'

'My stupid fairy godmother,' said Caius, 'I really don't know what she's up to…'

'I didn't know you had a fairy godmother,' Titinius said, interested, 'will you introduce me?'

'What? She's crazy that's what she is…' said Caius-

Fairy godmother's POV

I see my godson isn't too happy with me, and I don't really care, well, I mean I DO care. But I have given him reason to dislike me. Oh well, he'll like me in the end. What a stupid story we are in. I know the entire plot of course. Hee hee…and I won't tell them. Why and how? I can't really tell you people now, can I? And just why am I not telling you…? I can't tell you that either.

Old guy

The "fairy godmother" is here. She tells me something…she's told me and…

OH GAAAWD! HOW STOOOOPID!

'What the hell?' I say.

'What fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' shrieks the fairy godmother.

'So no ones in trouble…they're looking for me when I'm absolutely safe?'

She nods, 'just thought I'd tell you.'

'Its stupid,' I say, 'there's nothing to be gained from this.'

'Fun,' says the fairy, 'we like fun, don't we? And the evil guy who got you captured…'

'Who is he?'

'Who do you think he is?'

'He's fake…he's so fake, and it's all because of you. You can't play with our lives like this.'

'Heh heh.'

'And who is this "evil guy?.'

'I don't know…it's a surprise…okay I do know. But, yay!'

(**_A/N- but is the evil guy STILL up to something? is our dear fairy godmom even aware of what is happening…?_**)


	16. Chapter 15

**_CHAPTER FIFTEEN (I think)_**

_**A/N- Okay, so my exams finished on Tuesday, but then I got this fever. And vomiting. Lots and lots of vomiting. But I'm alright now, and the new chapters out. From now on, there'll be one chapter a week, seeing how I only have Sundays to write on. If you're wondering, yes, we have school on Saturdays in this part of the world.**_

**_AND BRUTUS AND CASSIUS WILL GET TOGETHER. THEY ARE SOULMATES…I shall not break Brutus' heart. And review people._**

Cassius

Brutus' was bugged for some reason…passing moods? What was that supposed to mean? PMS?

'Porch,' said Caius, 'I must say that I am very confused.'

'So am I,' admitted Portia, 'but that's what makes it fun, right?'

'Not all mysteries are solved,' said Titinius wisely, 'and some of them never will be.'

**_(A/N- I will finish this story, Tity, so keep your mouth shut…oh, I forgot, I am the writer and am making you talk. Sorry)_**

'I'm sure this mystery will be solved,' said Portia calmly, 'we have like, all of ancient Rome on our side.'

'Except this one guy,' noted Caius, 'and his short-skirted assistant.'

'So?' said Portia, and then raised her neck to look over her friend's head, 'oh look, Antony is here.' And indeed he was.

'_Damn_,' Caius mumbled under his breath. Why did that stupid Antony even exist? He would've done the world, and Caius a huge favour by simply not being there…

But he didn't do the world a huge favour and was there and walked slowly up to them, looking at the open, clear sky. The stars on it sparkled and twinkled, making the universe seem like a dream; dark, lonely, perfect, and yet not making any sense.

'The universe is a confusing place,' said Antony, on reaching the trio, 'I never did understand it.'

'I know,' said Titinius, conversationally, 'it's very pretty isn't it?'

'What?' asked Caius.

'The universe,' said Antony.

'Yeah, sure whatever,' was all that Caius could think of, and say. So that's what he said.

'Is this really the end?' asked Tintinius, 'I mean, living like this, forever?'

'That's what it seems like,' said Portia.

'I've told you once,' said Caius, 'I've told you a hundred times, this isn't heaven.'

'And why would you say that?' Antony asked inquisitively.

'It is only very obvious,' said Caius sharply.

'If you say so,' said Antony, with raised eyebrows.

'I'm only noticing the evident, and extremely obvious,' said Caius, 'which, I believe, you are only too stupid to notice for yourself. You're always too busy doing stuff with Cleopatra to notice such things'

'Hey,' said Antony, his feelings slightly hurt, 'Cleopatra VII is very nice. She gave me this bracelet, look-' and he showed them all a very exquisite, but very feminine-looking and pink bracelet with lots of expensive looking diamonds on it.

'Yeah,' said Portia impatiently, 'listen, you go inside, Titinius can go with you, Caius can stay with me…no Titinius, don't pout like that, you must learn how to live without your very handsome boyfriend…no Caius, you are not handsome.'

'But you said that I was,' Caius whined.

'I was joking,' Portia explained, 'anyway, Titinius, you can go help yourself to coke-,'

'But I want coke,' Caius argued.

'You'll get coke too, Cas,' said Portia, sounding much more tolerant than she actually felt, 'but right now we have to make plans…'

'And Caius just drank fifteen glasses of coke anyway,' Titinius said pointlessly.

'That's very nice,' said Portia, 'but…oh, look who it is, Julius Caesar.' Cassius groaned loudly at the sight of the man.

Caesar walked slowly and steadily towards them, head held high, apparently still feeling like he was the ruler of the world.

'Give me some drink Titinius,' he said, but received only a smack on the head from Titinius' side. No water. None at all.

'Hey,' said Caesar, who was now giving Antony a warm, manly hug.

'You're not even sick,' said Titinius pointedly.

'Oh, well, let's go get coke then,' Caesar shrugged and walked into the house, but not before treating Antony to a very formal handshake. Caius mimed throwing up behind their backs.

'Okay,' said Titinius, 'bye Cas, talk to your friend while I get coke with these guys.'

If "these guys" hadn't been nearby at that very moment, Caius would've warned his boyfriend against them with the excuse that they were "power hungry", "evil" and "mean".

'Ohhhh-kay,' said Caius, watching Titinius leave his presence.

'Cas,' said Portia urgently, 'I think that I um…I know how stupid this will sound, but er…'

'But what?' Caius asked, with his hands in his pocket in a very teenage way.

'But I, um, Cas, don't get all shocked…but I think I might have super powers.'

'Oh, yeah, sure,' Caius yawned.

'And I highly doubt that I am a guy.'

'But you are a guy,' said Caius, 'you told me. And even if you aren't, your mind is one.'

'I don't know what I was thinking; I am the most feminine person I know. I just said that I was a guy, because, well, I don't know what made me…and now I think I have super-powers. I am one crazed _woman _Cas…'

'You're not crazed. Okay, so maybe you are a _little _crazy, but then, everyone is. Once Antony thought he was a teapot.'

'Oh, yeah, sure, whatever…'

'No really,' said Caius, letting his imagination run wild, 'he was practically _begging _me to pour all the hot tea out of him. He said that it would burn him and ruin him and scar him and then finally kill him, because he had been the most expensive porcelain piece in the shop from which he came, and that he was so delicate and stuff that the other teapots were so ultra-jealous of him, they tried to break him once, but he single-handedly defeated them with his quick wit. They never dared to come near him again. And then a rich and beautiful lady named Cleopatra VII bought him for a hundred-million-billion-zillion-kazillion dollars. He was taken such good care of, and was fed on the best meat and wine, until one day, his rich lady decided to pour tea into him…'

'You're kidding!' said Portia.

'Of course I am!' said Caius, 'just like you are about your super-duper powers.'

'Fine,' said Portia huffily, 'don't believe me. You see what I can do…wanna see me lift that tree?'

Caius sighed and sat down on the muddy ground, getting his precious designer-jeans dirty and muddy and all that, like he hadn't a care in the world.

Portia plucked a huge oak from the ground at put it back in carelessly.

'See?' she said, her eyebrows raised.

Caius stared, 'aah-oh…um, ah…so that's super powers, um, ahh…I don't know…'

'Cool, huh?'

'Extremely,' said Caius and went up to another tree and tried to pull it out. Tired to pull out some more. And some more. And some more. And failed.

Portia smiled at him repeating, 'see?'

'You're very strong,' said Caius weakly.

'I know, that's what I was trying to tell you, idiot.'

'Oh,' said Caius, staring at his left foot, which was now tracing circles on the wet soil of Portia's garden.

'Yeah…look, its Casca,' Portia waved. Caius waved. Casca waved. There was a lot of simultaneous waving for quite some time, and it stopped as soon as their hands began to hurt.

'Where's the pizza?' asked Casca, his eyes filled with hope.

'It's inside,' said Portia, 'but listen Casca, what do _you_ think is happening?'

'Why would you ask me?' said Casca, trying to raise an eyebrow and failing. He tried to figure out what Portia was talking about. He thought a bit, and then decided that she was talking about the whole "They kidnapped the old guy" and the "This is not heaven" issue.

'Because Cas was just telling me that you're very smart, that's true, isn't it Casc?'

'Wha-?' Caius looked considerably shocked, and then he said, 'of course he is…'

'My opinion?' said Casca, 'well, if you really do care, then its that even if this place isn't heaven, its pretty nice, free pizza and all…'

'No,' said Portia, 'I mean, why d'you think this is happening?'

'Because things happen 'because they're supposed to. You can't change your destiny.'

'Wha-?' said Caius, wondering what Casca was getting at.

_Nothing, _said the conscience, _he's just plain crazy, talking about anything and everything, even things he doesn't understand. _And silently, Caius, for the first time, agreed with his conscience.

_Caius, _the conscience continued, _do you know what destiny is? You don't? Well, of course you wouldn't, you weren't meant to._

You're confusing me, Caius inwardly said.

_And you know why? Because it was meant to happen._

The soothsayer knows our destiny, Caius thought.

_But he can't change it, no matter how hard he tries. He can only read the signs. Caesar couldn't prevent his death no matter how hard he tried. It was written, it always was, and it always will be. He had all the signs laid down bare in front of his face, free for him to see .But did he see them? No, he wasn't meant to. That itself would've proved the signs wrong._

Are you okay, conscience? 'Cause you aren't fighting with me. It feels awkward.

_I'm in a good mood and you're freakin' spoiling it!!!_

Geez, its okay, conscience. Anyway, I'm busy right now, and so you may go.

_I was trying to help you. okay- refuse my help. You're ruining your own stupid life._

I am not. You are.

_I try to be nice for once, and this is how you repay me. You suck._

Blah blah blah.

_Goodbye._

Caius yawned widely without bothering to cover his mouth and said, 'Casca Casca Casca…'

'What?' asked Casca.

'I don't get you.'

'I don't get myself,'

'That's okay,' said Portia, 'now you can go get pizza.' And she walked inside with Caius and Casca.

Brutus

Marcus Brutus did not just think that he was stupid; he _knew _that he was stupid. Some crazy meeting was about to be held right outside his room and he was the least bothered. He was, instead, watching T.V. of all the things he could have been doing, he was watching T.V., and "The Powerpuff Girls" at that. He couldn't help it, really, he just liked that show. That mayor guy was only too adorable, and Mojo Jojo was sexy in some weird kind of way. In this episode, Bubble's toy octopus was attacking her. It scared Brutus out of his wits…

'Mark,' came Portia's voice, 'come to the meeting, will you?'

'But Octi is that funny lobster guy!'

'Yeah, but you're supposed to address the crowd with a very nice speech,' Portia moaned, 'I promised them…'

'Oh, alright, but I'll tape this episode.'

'They're all repeats anyway…'

Marcus Brutus sighed and got off his chair and walked towards the door. The sight of him walking made Portia smile; he rarely got any exercise these days. It was good to see him move.

'Passing moods still on?' Portia asked, as Brutus nodded gloomily.

'You do get a lot of them, don't you?' Portia inquired, as Brutus nodded once again, looking ten times more gloomy if possible.

'That's alright,' said Portia, 'it's probably just a fever or something-,' she checked his forehead, 'your temperature's fine. I guess you're just plain crazy, then.' But she said it in a nice way, smiling as broadly as she could.

'Hey,' said Brutus.

'I see you've learnt the language of the normal,' said Portia, 'good for you. Now the "rag-tag people" will be able to understand you, in Casca's words.'

'I guess all the T.V did it,' said Brutus, but his accent was now a cross between Bubble's and Mayor's. Portia hoped that no one would notice.

Antony's POV

Jeez, I'm bored. Even as I sit here, drinking coke and listening to Julius' shit, I wish I was home, washing Cleo's dishes.

'You know,' says Julius, 'this sucks. I mean, Caesar is immortal. Caesar is mighty. And most of all, Caesar is Caesar! And Caesar is moi!'

I nod heavily. I do like Julius and all, he's a great guy, but he brags a lot. All he can talk about is himself. It's just him, him and him, and how brave he is.

'Do you know,' Julius continues, 'that that Cassius-who has a lean and hungry look about him- still thinks me weak? Hold him dangerous, my dear Antonius, for Caesar fears nothing.'

'Um,' I say.

'What I meant was,' says Julius, now back to normal, 'that Cassius has challenged me to a swimming competition.'

'WHAT???????????' I scream, causing a few people sitting around us to throw us warning glares, 'but Ju, you have epilepsy, falling-sickness…'

'Yeah,' says Julius calmly, 'but that's what doctors are for. I shall, of course, win, for the almighty Caesar never loses to anyone, especially stupid jealous conspirators who allow my best friends to go against me.'

'But I'm your best friend,' I moan.

'I mean my ex-best friends. Brutus left me…stupid man. I was, and am still, THE Caesar, and he just ditches me-like _that._' Julius snaps his fingers aggressively.

'So, you're gonna out-swim him to prove you're better?'

Julius nods his head but manages to do it in a dramatic way, saying, 'For the great Caesar can out-swim anyone.'

'But that's not gonna prove anything, Ju, except that Cassius' words affect you.'

'It will prove that I am Aenas and that he is Anchises.'

'Who?'

'God knows.'

'Right-where's Cal?' I hastily try to change the subject.

'I don't know. Why?'

'Cleo wants to invite her to her girls only party. Since she, that is Cal was married to you and you were sleeping with her, that is Cleo.'

'I was not!'

'I meant in history, baby, not real life. In history, Cassius most certainly did not have blue eyes, and I highly doubt that "Julius Caesar" by Shakespeare mentioned it either.'

'Meaning?'

'Meaning, Ju, that this is neither history, nor Shakespeare.'

_**A/N- that button down there…see it? Press. **_


	17. Chapter16

_**CHAPTER GOD KNOWS WHAT!**_

**_A/N- I know, I know, long time no see. But I'm soooooo happy, I'm back from a two week holiday and I've gotten very flattering reviews from a Missy Lynne (!!!!4 am!!!!), Suzumi's wings, and my favourite usual reviewer Islingnton bus no 199. I have three other reviewers who don't really review, but I'm glad they actually managed to get through my story. Read on and review this time (pleeease)._**

Portia walked out with Brutus.

'Speech,' she announced, causing everybody to scream, 'Noble noble Brutus!!! Talk man!' and Caesar to snort simultaneously.****

'My dear Romans,' Brutus began, but was interrupted by the door banging open to let in a tall masked man dressed all in black with a cape he kept tripping on.

The evil guy.

'So,' the masked man began, 'having a fun time here, are we? Thinking I cannot hear you? Drinking coke, eating-,' his forehead crinkled up in disgust, '_pizza_, and imagining that you can save the poor old guy whom I have so cleverly kidnapped, simply by hearing _noble _Brutus' speech. Really, people, you make me SICK!!! I was added in Shakespeare's story, as nothing, nothing at all. I wasn't a main character, despite my extraordinary genius, no, no, no. it was Caesar, and Antony, and Brutus, and Cassius, and Octavius who got all the main roles, and I was portrayed as complete shit. Well, it's not like that any more, dear friends, say hello to _Dr. Evil, _my new nameHahahhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!'

He laughed in his insane way as everybody else struggled to stifle their laughter, seeing the very big gun in his hands.

'So,' Dr. Evil continued, 'I have realized that with the control of my Magic Laptop, I can control you all…'

'Wait,' said Portia, 'I thought Shakespeare could do that.'

'No, sweetie,' corrected Dr. Evil, 'anyone with his laptop could do that. hahahahahahahaha!'

'Do continue,' Portia said, as if she found his laughs boring.

'You were plotting against Shakespeare all this time, weren't you?' said the doctor, 'and you haven't realized, that it is me, me who was pretending to be Shakespeare all this while. I had gotten a free plastic surgery for being ugly enough _(see chapter one),_ and I chose Shakespeare's face. The real Shakespeare's memory was removed, but he had some idea of what was happening, so I disposed of him-,'

'The old guy!' shrieked Portia.

'You're not to interrupt,' said Dr. Evil, trying to reach for a glass of coke, but tripping on his cape in the process. He stopped himself from falling by holding on to a pillar with golden angels on it. On pulling himself together, he said, 'Interrupting reduces the dramatic effect of what I am saying. So, what was I saying? Oh yes, your old guy was the real Shakespeare. He was put on a diet of porridge and corn, which made him very thin and unrecognizable to the rest of you. He had no idea of who he was, but he soon had almost broken the memory charm-,'

'Like Barty Crouch Sr.?' Cassius asked.

'This is not "Harry Potter",' said Dr. Evil, 'but if you insist, yes, like Barty Crouch. He almost told Portia of what was happening, quite like Barty told Harry, after convincing her that she was a boy, yes, yeaaaaaaaas, that was funny. The fake hormone transplant and all that. and the love triangle I created, thereby proving my genius.'

'What love triangle?' Portia asked curiously, as Caius closed his eyes, preparing himself for disaster.

'I cannot tell now,' said Dr. Evil, 'it would ruin my plot. Anyway, Shakespeare was a great fan of lollipops, so I kidnapped him with the help of those. He is under my control now, as are the rest of you-,'

'Wait,' said Caius, 'that's like, the Imperius Curse. Barty Crouch was under it, are any of us-?'

'Very clever,' said Evil, 'but no, you are under the power of my laptop. However one of you is under the curse-,'

'What's the Imperius Curse?' asked Portia.

'It's a curse which allows you full control of the recipient. You can make him do whatever you want. It can be fought, of course, but that's next to impossible. The recipient here was weak-,'

'But it also sentences you to a lifetime in Azkaban-,' Caius screamed.

'What's that?' Portia asked, as Dr. Evil explained, 'It's the wizard prison.'

'So you're goin' dowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwn,' said Caius cheerfully.

'No I'm not, since I'm a muggle,' said Dr. Evil and then explained the term, 'non magic human being. Azkaban is a _wizard _prison, but I am not a wizard, so no Azkaban for me.'

'"Harry Potter," huh?' said Portia, suddenly wishing that she had read the book.

'So how was the Imperius curse used?' Caius asked.

Dr. Evil sucked in a deep breath and said, 'My head assistant is a wizard, and my assistant is well, just another muggle. I will call them here, one by one. Head assistant to appear! He, who so greatly used the Imperius curse! Get in here!'

Everybody held in their breath, as Lucius Malfoy apparated in the limelight. (_For those of you who have read 'Harry Potter', good, but if you haven't, Brutus' boy servant shares his name with a character in the book, who isn't exactly the nicest person. If you've seen the movie, he is Draco Malfoy, that blond guy's father. I'm so very sorry for mixing the two.)_

'Lucius!' cried Brutus, 'hi!'

'Shut up, ex-boss, who never let me sleep,' snarled Lucius.

'My assistant to appear!' yelled Dr. Evil, as Calphurnia stepped in, pushing her glasses further up her nose. Caesar gasped in shock.

Dr. Evil stepped between them, hands on his hips and all that. He took his super-laptop out of his very big pocket and screamed, 'This was Shakespeare's very own, due to which I have kept you in this fake heaven for so many years, not letting you grow, so that I can play with your lives, since you are all servants to this machine, which is a servant to me!'

'Not anymore!' grinned Caius, and snatched the laptop from Dr. Evil's hands, and threw it to Portia, who caught it on the tips of her fingers, and passed it to Brutus, who caught it immediately and passed it to Antony, who caught it, rotated it on his finger like a basketball player and threw it to Octavius-

'Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!' screamed Dr. Evil, 'no, no, no!!!!!!!'

-who was unaware of what was happening. It landed on his head, bounced off it, and went flying into Titinius' hands.

'Ow,' said Octavius, rubbing his head.

Lucius Malfoy grinned. The laptop was now in his hands. Titinius had passed it to him.

Portia stared at Titinius angrily, 'Tity, why?'

'Traitor!' yelled Caius, 'I trusted you.'

'Haha,' said Dr. Evil, who now had the laptop back safely in his arms.

'Wait,' said Portia, trying to stop Caius from strangling Titinius, 'I don't think it's his fault.'

'Then whose fault is it? His terrible skills at playing ball?'

'No, Caius, I think he's that one person who has the Imperius curse on him.'

'Very clever,' said Dr. Evil, 'it was placed very carefully by Lucius, who made him do all those lovey dovey things, in order to make the story interesting. Cassius, you've been going out with a puppet. My puppet.'

'I hate your story!' yelled Caius, 'I hate your love triangle! I hate what you did to Titinius! I hate you!'

'You _know _about the love triangle,' said Portia, 'why didn't you tell me? I tell you ALL the gossip I know.'

'Later,' said Caius, 'now is not the time.'

'But you knew all along! Why didn't you tell me! I'm your best friend! I bet everyone else knows!'

'Brutus is vaguely aware,' said Dr. Evil.

'Brutus, you tell me!' Portia sure loved her gossip.

'Um.' said Brutus.

'Like I said,' said Dr. Evil, '_vaguely _aware.'

'Oh,' said Portia, 'well, since my own best friend is hiding things from me, why don't you tell me, doctor?'

'No, I had it very nicely planned and all,' said Dr. Evil, 'you would be heartbroken and all…'

'I'm involved?' said Portia, 'wow. Do tell Caius.'

'I'm also involved,' said Caius bitterly.

'WAIT!' yelled Dr. Evil, 'this is my moment. The love triangle gets revealed later. Later. But for the time being, Titinius is out of it, since he's under the curse. I had dragged him in this so nicely, you know…'

'Shut up!' screamed Portia. And since Dr. Evil wasn't clever enough to keep his laptop somewhere safe, but in his hands, Portia lunged for it.

'Nothin' doin',' he said, and stepped backward, the laptop still in his hands. Unfortunately for him, though, right after stepping backward, he tripped on his cloak, causing his precious machine to fall to the floor shatter into a million pieces (approximately).

'Oops,' said Dr. Evil.

'Ha!' said Portia.

'Get him!' said everyone else.

They all lunged at him, but Lucius had, just in time, with a wave of his wand (magic wand. A big, black one), constructed a magical barrier around them.

The crowd bumped into the barrier and hurt themselves.

'You mustn't forget the wizard with me, and my very big gun,' said Dr Evil, grinning his evil smile, and waving his gun around.

'You laptop is dead though,' said Portia triumphantly, causing Dr. Evil's smile to turn into a sob.

'Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!' he wailed, trying to wipe the tears in his eyes.

'No probs-,' said Lucius, '_Reparo-_wait, where's my wand?'

'With me!' said Antony happily, 'I sneaked up behind you some time back and took it out.' He took the wand out and snapped it into two pieces.

'Ouch,' said Lucius.

'Well,' said Dr. Evil, 'there's still the gun.' He shot a bullet into the air, which hit the ceiling, making a visible hole, just so that he could prove that his bullets could escape the barrier.

'But,' said Portia, 'you can't control us now.'

'Then I might write a play and make actors act in it,' said Dr. Evil, wiping out a sad tear, 'but that's not the point. I hated you guys, but more so, I hated Shakespeare. I wanted to take the credit for what he had done, and then, for my entertainment, control you guys. There was something on that laptop that gave me this power, and I took it. Do you know how the universe works? No? Well, then, let me explain. It starts with a writer, or something of that sort. I'm just using that example, because that's what is most relevant here. He writes, and while doing that, unconsciously thrusts his life force into his characters, making them alive. Many of you writers don't realize your power over your characters. I, however, was a character in a play by Shakespeare, who realized this very fact after my death. I came out of my box and to his level, and took his power. I could make you live forever in this heaven that I invented. I could've written my own story, no doubt, but I wanted to mess with his characters, for what he did to me.'

'Whatever,' mumbled Caius.

'There's no point in hiding from the truth, Mr. Caius Cassius,' said Dr. Evil.

'No one here got a word you said,' said Caius.

'Not even the gist?' Dr. Evil asked hopefully.

'Some gist,' said Caius, 'you, with your mighty pen, control people. That's like, what God does. And that makes you God, and that is not even remotely possible. That proves that you are lying. QED.'

Everyone cheered at Caius' statement.

'Don't be stupid,' said Dr. Evil, 'and do stop clapping. What I meant was, you guys are some guys' imagination. And I was too, until I stole that guy's place. Everyone is someone's imagination.'

'Your imagination is weird,' said Portia, 'and I don't mean us, I mean the things you think of.'

'You're just ignorant,' said Dr. Evil.

'You needn't explain this to them, sir,' said Calphurnia, who was thoroughly confused herself. She only worked for him for the highly generous salary anyway. It was a fair enough deal. She listened to his droning, and he paid her, even though she stuffed cotton into her ears almost all the time, without him realizing it. She was good at pretending to listen.

'All super-ultra-powerful-villians have to explain themselves in the end, assistant,' said Dr. Evil.

'They also reveal their identity, sir,' said Calphurnia.

'No, they do that in the extreme end.'

'Whatever you say sir.'

This all seemed to irritate Caesar who said, 'what's with the tiny clothes and spectacles, Calphurnia?'

'Oh, Caesar,' she cried, 'I have lived under your tyranny long enough!-

'Yeah!' yelled Caius in the background.

-'You didn't allow me to wear what I wanted, no small clothes, no pretty skirts, just a stupid toga! And you said that jobs weren't for women! But see how much I have earned without your help, as you lazed around. I am a rich woman now, more successful than you ever were. You never did listen to me, and I wonder now, why ever did I marry you? Why, Caesar, why? Do tell me…but no, you won't. Stupid man! Look at me now, what all I have done without you, I am an independent woman. I'm too good for you, and I ask for divorce.'

'What???' yelled Caesar.

'You heard me!' said Calphurnia.

'Wait! Wait! Wait!' said Dr. Evil, 'this is my moment. My evil confessions!!! Shut up or I'll fire you!'

Calphurnia stopped screaming and stood straight at her spot.

'Alright,' said Dr. Evil, 'change of plans because my laptop is broken. I am now a superhero who will conquer the world. I will have to get my cape shortened, of course, but you wait and see…'

Caius groaned. For how long would they have to listen to his crap?

_I could help. _The conscience had returned.

_How?_

_You don't know who I really am. I'm much more than a conscience. I have, like, two jobs._

_That's nice. Now please save us._

_Fine. Pippity Poppity poo!!_

_Excuse me?_

_Um…fairy godmother here._

_What?_

_Look ahead._

Caius looked up. And indeed, the fairy godmother stood there in all her glory. The real Shakespeare was standing next to her, licking his lollipop cheerfully.

**_A/N- sorry for mixing HP with this. Review, people, and I will love you._**


	18. Chapter 17

_**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**_

**_A/N-1. I'm back, and I want more flattering reviews (if you can manage it), though. _**

_**2. And I have decided that Lucius created the barrier after his wand was taken by Antony, by wandless magic.**_

**_3.I sense that the story is about to end soon. (THIS IS NOT THE ENDING CHAPTER)_**

**_4. This is a short chapter, but the next one comes tomorrow. (or at least its planned to)._**

'Hi fairy godmom,' said Caius weakly, 'hi real Shakespeare.'

The fairy godmother looked rather cheerful for such a moment.

'Hello dear,' she said, 'I have a surprise for you. I'm your conscience. I got into your head for fun. I'll tell you how I did it later.'

That WAS a surprise and Caius needed to know what it meant. He decided to speak his thoughts out loud.

'What-huh-why-how-?'

'That's very nice, Miss. Godmom,' interrupted Portia, who didn't like it when her friend talked gibberish, 'and it's good to see you've escaped, Mr. Shakespeare.'

'Hi guys,' said Shakespeare and waved to the crowd, who waved back.

Someone, however, didn't seem too pleased with the present situation.

'Whatever is this?' shrieked Dr. Evil, 'this is my moment of glory! I had you imprisoned! I had your laptop, I had you under me! However did you escape?'

'That, dear has a simple answer-,' said the fairy godmother, walking up to Dr. Evil and ruffling his hair-

'And how are you getting through my magical barrier?'

-'and the answer is that you are not in power.'

'Meaning?' asked Antony curiously.

'Meaning that like he controls us, someone controls him,' said the fairy godmother, 'and the author of this story, has decided to explain everything to you, because she felt ever so sorry for all of you. I am a representative of the author because self-insertion in stories is rather turning off. So, I, from the author's side, will explain.'

'Wait,' said Dr. Evil, you won't reveal my identity will you?'

'That will come later,' said the fairy godmom, 'now let me tell you guys something. First, this is all fan fiction.'

'Whatever that is,' mumbled Portia.

'Second,' the fairy continued, 'is that people are, at the moment, without your realization, reading this. I know, how embarrassing, but its life. I'm sure someone must be reading about the author too. So, it's not that unfair.

'Third, the author conveys her apologies for such an abrupt ending. Ending to the plot I mean, it's rather harsh, yes, but she decided to make it up to you with free ice-cream.'

Everyone cheered.

'The author's excuse was her exams. The usual,' the fairy godmother sighed, 'she promises millions of chapter length fan fictions, and a sequel to this after March 2008, which is when her Board examinations will finally end, leading to a three month holiday. She might write the sequel earlier, during_ these_ very summer vacations.

'Fourth is that the concept of being someone's imagination is all very difficult to understand, and she expects none of you to understand it, since she doesn't herself, and is writing whatever comes into her head.

'Fifth is that the free ice cream flavour is vanilla with hot chocolate sauce.

'And then come her sincere apologies to Dr. Evil, Calphurnia, and Lucius. They are all nice people and didn't deserve to be portrayed as they were. Ice cream to them too!

'Next point is that this is not the ending chapter; this is where the plot gets revealed. Now people's love lives will be concentrated on, so please no getting confused.

'So what I am trying to say is, you will still live here till you grow old and die. Your present age, everybody's present age, has been decided eighteen. I believe that many of you are bored of living here so long and would like to die and be reborn. You may go back to your uninteresting lives now. I also want to say that I was Caius' fairy godmother ever since he was in this story. Now, I shall explain how our very own Shakespeare escaped.

'Our author desired it, wrote it down, and sent me to help him out, which I did. The guards weren't exactly what you would call efficient, Dr. Evil, whose real identity I may reveal any moment,'

'On the contrary,' said Dr. Evil, 'My guards are very efficient.'

'Oh, and I wanted to say one more thing,' said the fairy godmother, ignoring Dr. Evil, 'Lucius did not use the Imperius curse, he used a love potion. He was too lazy too keep someone under a spell and be busy at it 24/7. Under the Imperius curse, the recipient's head goes blank, and I'm sure Titinius has memories of everything that happened?'

Titinius nodded stupidly, 'where's Cas?' The potion was still working.

'The antidote is with me,' said the fairy, and handed it (the antidote) over to Portia, who fed it to him. Titinius' eyes spun, his face turned red, green, blue and purple all at the same time and smoke emerged from his ears.

'So, everything's cleared up, I hope?' the fairy asked, 'if anyone has questions, they can always PM me. I am saying this from the author's side, of course.'

No body had understood what had just happened, and nodded as if to say that they had, because they didn't want to understand either. The old man, who had turned out to be Shakespeare was back, and they could easily return home and forget everything that had happened, after having their share of ice-cream, of course.

'And now,' the fairy godmother continued, 'the author requests Dr Evil to reveal his identity.'

'Why on earth would I do that?' Dr. Evil asked.

'Then she, from her JC workbook, makes me read out a character sketch of him, after which it will only be too easy to guess who he really is.'

'I bet I don't even have a character sketch,' said the doctor confidently.

'Its two lines long and…it can barely be called a character sketch, but whatever. Here we go,' the fairy took a small crumpled piece of paper out from her pocket and read, 'he does not have a defined personality in the play-,'

'Duh,' said Dr. Evil.

'-he is introduced into action to bring out and emphasize the irrational violence of the mob's reactions.'

'And?' asked Caius.

'That's it.'

'That's it?' the crowd echoed, and wondered which one of the numerous people they had vent their anger out on, and ended up killing, it could be.

'I once killed this guy called Greeko Freako with a stone,' guessed a citizen, 'maybe its him.'

'Once we got together and murdered a famous popstar,' said another.

'Oh no, no,' said the first citizen, 'he wasn't a popstar, he was the poet Cinna. We killed him because both his name and poetry sucked. And because he thought that wise people didn't marry. He obviously didn't know the greatness of my wife, she cooks, cleans, works, earns more than I do, and takes care of the kids…'

'She probably agrees with Cinna here-,' interrupted another citizen.

'FINE!' shrieked Dr. Evil, 'I am Cinna! Cinna the poet, not the conspirator. You killed me and got away with it! Shakespeare made you kill me and got away with it! Now the dumb fairy person told you guys who I am, and I'm pretty sure she'll get away with it too, cause everyone does! Back when I was in Rome, no one even bought the poetry I used to work ever so hard on. The critics made fun of me! My readers giggled at my tragic and beautiful poems! Not a tear fell from their eyes! No one appreciated my hard work and talent! And you know what? They actually got away without even paying me after buying, I mean, stealing my poems! I was broke all the time, so much that I even tried working at Roman Mc Donald's partime, but the boss kicked me out without paying me my due salary-,'

'I am sure your poetry is very nice,' said the fairy godmother assuredly, 'everyone here would absolutely love to hear one of your poems.'

'Really?'

'Really. Now recite something for us.'

'Alright, here goes-

There was once this big fat guy,

Who somehow learnt how to fly,

He flew over that big blue tree,

Over the heads of you and me,

But then he fell and began to cry-,'

'That was very touching,' lied everyone, 'most beautiful thing we have ever heard.'

'Yeah,' said Portia, pretending to agree. She covered her face with a hankie to prevent Cinna the poet from noticing her giggling. He, however, assumed that she was crying and beamed.

'Then do let me continue-,'

The crowd fought hard not to groan out loud and were forced to sit through an hour of painful poetry. Most of them, like Calphurnia, had cotton stuffed conveniently into their ears.

When it was all over everyone went out into the garden and had their share of ice cream, forgot about this incident and decided to concentrate on their love lives.


	19. Chapter 18

_**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN!!!!!!!**_

_**A/N- 1. DO NOT PM ME!!! I am, for unknown reasons, not receiving mails (review alerts, story alerts, etc) from this site, so I see no reasons why I should be receiving PMs either. Mail me at the id given in my profile.**_

**_2. I'm a little late, I had said that my next post would be today, but its nearly twelve here…but that depends on the country in which you live. _**

_**2. Since I have enough reviews/readers now (finally), I have decided to dedicate this chapter to them, whether they review regularly, have reviewed one or two times, or have not reviewed at all (but have added this story to their favourite lists). Your reading this is a big deal to me. I love you people. Now, because I have so always wanted to do this, I shall name you guys. Thank you's to **islington bus no199, Missy Lynne, siavv,****Ice-Spirit Phoenix, Suzumi's Wings, the-red-robyn, the one called RJLG, and Kuroi Neko 13. **and now, since I have so nicely named you all, I expect more reviews (nice ones), though some of you have not added this to your alert list. However will you know when a new chapter comes out? Adding this to your favourite list won't work. Neway, read on. **_

A week had passed since the "Dr. Evil turned out to be Cinna" incident. Cinna was instantly forgiven because of what was said to be the forgiving nature of the "heaven" residents, but most probably because they loved any excuse for free ice cream. Barely days after his identity was revealed, he all of a sudden, became extremely popular and his poetry was sold by the millions. He soon became a billionaire and spent most of his money on ice cream, which he distributed to the poor, needy and homeless. Heaven did not have any poor people as such, but everyone pretended to be, for the sake of something as heavenly and chocolately and totally undescribably yummy as chocolate ice cream. Cinna must have been, to some extent, aware of the fact that everyone was only pretending to be poor, and that the rags they wore must had cost them a lot of money, but he needed a hobby and distributed ice-cream anyway. But he had, however, explained his ignorance of the fact that people were wearing expensive rags, and had said that he thought those "rags" had cost nothing, at a recent press conference, with the excuse that he knew nothing about the latest fashion and preferred to live in his own quiet world.

-'But,' someone had argued, 'that Dr. Evil gag didn't seem like something from the quiet world of a peaceful poet.'

The questioner had been given extra ice-cream to be shutted up.-

Cinna the poet smiled at himself while handing out free copies of his poems to people in expensive rags.

'But where's our usual ice-cream?' Caius asked, obviously disappointed. He never missed these "meetings".

'Poetry is food for the soul,' explained Cinna wisely, even though he didn't quite know what he was talking about. He was rich enough to give out anything for free, and that was all he really cared about.

'Damn…' said Caius and then turned to his friend Casca, who was sitting cross legged on the ground. Casca had not quite looked properly at what was handed to him, and had, upon confusing it with ice-cream, already stuffed it into his mouth.

Caius wrinkled up his nose, quickly got over his disgust and said, 'By the way Casca, do you like my new designer jeans? For a million trillion kazillion bucks they came, honest... Portia said they had too many holes, but she's just upset I didn't tell her about the love triangle.'

'What love triangle?' Casca asked casually.

Caius could've hit himself. He and his big mouth. What would he tell Casca?

But he was saved from answering by someone who had just arrived. Not in designer jeans, but in a nice and clean-crisp suit and tie.

Titinius.

Caius blinked. But then, people do that like once every few seconds so it wasn't that big a deal.

'Hey,' he said.

'Hello,' replied Titinius, lending out a hand for Caius to shake. Caius did not take it. So this was what Titinius was actually like without love potion running through his veins? So….serious?

'Cassius,' said Titinius, 'I do have some recollection; or rather all of it, not some, of what has happened between us in the past few days. I am here to discuss our break-up.'

'What's to discuss?'

'I know this must be hard to you,' Titinius continued, his tone business-like, 'but this is a love _triangle _from what I heard. There are other fish in the sea, or the ocean or whatever. Plus, as you must know, I don't run that way. I am really very sorry, but this is very awkward for me, and just as harsh as it seems to you, it feels strange to me. We could be friends, but that may be difficult for you, after what happened. I do understand, but I like _girls, _and that's something you're not. You're one hell of a guy, and you make great coffee, but you know this won't work.'

Caius nodded, not letting his eyes mix with his ex-boyfriend's.

'I do feel really bad about this, really, and I apologise-,'

'It wasn't your fault,' said Caius.

'But I think it would be appropriate for me to apologise nevertheless.'

Caius stood up and wiped the dust off his jeans, 'I'm sorry too.'

'It is you who is on the suffering end. It's very easy for me to forget everything that happened, because it wasn't me that was _with _you, it was the love potion.'

Caius nodded gloomily.

'Listen, I'll make it up to you…would you like to take a walk?'

Honestly, Titinius did not want to walk with Caius, and no matter what he had said, it _did _make him nervous, of course it did, it _had _to. Caius was GAY for Pete's sake…

'Sure,' said Caius, and turned to tell Casca that he was leaving, but didn't bother because his dear friend was busy spitting out the paper, with a very cute girl trying to help him out. He would call him later on his mobile phone anyway.

'C'mon then,' said Titinius.

Gloomily, Caius stood up. Titinius walked by his side with no visible emotion in his eyes.

For a second, Caius closed his eyes in that dramatic way that crushed lovers do, but he didn't want to bump into someone something, so he opened them right away.

It felt rather odd without the presence of Titinius' hand on his, even though he was standing, or rather walking right next to him.

Titinius wasn't saying anything, so Caius decided that it was his turn to do the talking; Titinius had already said enough. But, honestly, what should he say? What _could _he say? That it was okay? That everything was fine now that Titinius was straight?

But the words that came out of his mouth were not even close to what he had planned. The words seemed to have blurted themselves out without his consent-, 'You know, I was on rebound when we first met, it _was _the reason we met, and the reason we started dating and all. But as time passed, I really started to like you.'

'Oh,'

'And, I mean, it'll pass. I _did_ like someone else, but then you came along, and I thought it was over, you know. Over. I thought that he-,'

'Who?'

'This guy,'

Caius wasn't sure whether he wanted Titinius to ask who "this guy" was or not, but didn't have to ponder over that point for long. Titinius didn't ask. It didn't seem like he was going to either. He simply wasn't interested.

So Caius' shut up. Time passed.

After a long five minutes that seemed like they were stretched till eternity, Titinius spoke again, 'That person you liked wasn't me. It was someone created by a potion. I do not call myself Tity, the potion made me do that. I'm like this, not that "T-Shirt-Torn-Jeans" person that potion made me. You _liked_-,' he was careful enough not to use the word "loved", '-a make-believe created person who never even existed.'

'Yeah,' said Caius, breathing deeply, 'yeah.'

'And I do like you, in a friendly way, Caius, really.' He held out his hand, once more, for Caius to take. The hand wasn't taken.

'I need time.'

------------------------------------------------------

Portia's POV

Geez, my own best friend is keeping secrets from me, so I'm not exactly on top of the world.

But from my information, I'm involved in a love triangle, a love triangle in which he too, is involved. And the only person I love is Brutus-and he isn't telling me anything. And Caius is gay-

Hold on a second.

It doesn't take a genius to figure it out.

------------------------------------------------------

Brutus' POV

Portia has been asking me about some kind of a love triangle of late. She's involved in it, Cassius is involved in it, Titinius was involved in it, and she, that is Portia loves me. That obviously means that I too, have somehow been dragged into this.

Unless of course, she doesn't love me-but wait, I love her so I have to be involved anyway. And she _does _love me. She's my wife for crying out loud.

Well, who cares anyway? I'm watching over a taped episode of "PPG", and the mayor has been kicked out by a pink fluff ball that's too big to be a bunny.

------------------------------------------------------

Back to Cassius 

'Take your time,' said Titinius patiently.

'That's easy for you too say,' said Caius angrily, and then stopped, 'wait-I got all heated up there for a second-its not your fault, its not anybody's-except-,'

'Except?'

Caius didn't answer and screamed into the open sky, 'DAMN YOU AUTHOR! PLAYING WITH OUR LIVES! Oooh look, a note fell from the sky-lets read it-,'

Caius opened it and read-,

"To my very dear Caius Cassius,

This is to tell you that all suffering makes you stronger, and if looked at from a higher point of view, helps you grow and evolve.

Oh, and I have totally given you free will. I do not write this, it's not planned out or anything. The only planned out thing was who Dr. Evil was, and that was decided much after "Evil guy" was introduced. I let the story, including the plot unfold by itself (I, or rather, Dr. Evil had decided it all while I was writing it), and I just edit it. I had not planned the love potion, and many other things till the very moment I wrote it down, because I knew that you guys were real and that you're not too fond of "tyranny".

And you are all going to get your soul-mates in the end so don't worry.

-love,

The author.

PS. I know, self insertion is soooo turning of. I hate it my self, but you were cursing me, so it's not like I had much choice."

'So, this is supposed to help me?' Caius asked the wind, but I have a strong feeling he was talking to me. Not that it mattered, since I didn't reply either way.

'It may make you stronger, yes,' Titinius replied from my side. OKAY-OKAY. This time, I made him do it. So sue me! One sentence…jeez…

'Right,' said Caius, trying to think of new fast ways of draining out one's mom's temper from one's body. (His temper was, of course, not his mother's fault. It was his own, but he needed someone to put the blame on too.)

'Maybe meditation,' suggested Titinius, 'or yoga.'

'You know me well. Barely took you a second to know what I was thinking.'

'You're easy enough to understand.'

'My best friends have never managed to understand me despite the millennia we have spent together, and here, not even two weeks, and -BANG!-you know me by heart-,'

Titinius wasn't stupid. He could see where this was heading-somewhere from where it would be difficult to back out.

'I don't know you by heart-,'

'You can tell what I'm thinking!'

'It was obvious what you were thinking.'

'Was not.'

'Was too. You're like an open book!' Titinius, now, too was fighting to hold his patience.

'I am not an open book. I'm thinking of a colour…what is it?'

'Red.'

'Wha-?'

'I'm right.'

'How on earth did you know?'

'You looked for a brief second at my tie, which is red. I'm not that stup-,'

'Ooooh look,' sneered Caius, 'Tity is soooooo smart.'

'Listen-,'

'Why did you drag me along here when you never wanted to come here in the first place? When you simply hate the very sight of my face? When you-,'

'I don't hate-,'

'You don't hate what, my ever so precious Tity? I know you hate me. You're only breaking up with me as part of the formality, aren't you? And why not, you're such a formal guy anyway? What's that, Tity-a tie?'

'You know I was under a spell! Why are you doing this? Didn't you just state some time back, when I asked for your forgiveness, that it wasn't my fault?'

'It wasn't till you started being so unreasonable! You could've ditched me there and then itself, it couldn't have taken more than a minute! We could've both forgotten this, walked our own separate paths, never looked back even once… Why this stupid walk?'

'I'll tell you why this walk! Because unlike me, that relationship meant something to you! Didn't you say sometime back that you needed time-I decided on this walk because I wanted to help you get over it! I couldn't have left you alone there-,'

'I would've been better if I hadn't talked to you,' said Caius, calming down again. His temper was very uncertain. Up there one moment, down there the next, 'You're the last person who can help me-not that I need help-but you get the meaning-,'

'Well, since you're too self centred to appreciate-,'

'I am not self centred, alright? The talking can come later.'

'Fine.'

'Fine.'

'Goodbye.'

'Bye.'

'Take care.'

'If you insist.'

'Okay, bye, just bye.'

'Bye.'


	20. Chapter 999, i mean 19

_CHAPTER NINETEEEN_

_A/N- I'm back people. Back with a BANG. and I had named all of you? No reviews???? (. But I have two whole frequent reviewers so I'm happy anyway. HA HA HA. Oh, and by the way, I've used the song Missy Lynne suggested, because it was cute. Thank you's to her. (DICLAIMER - the song is by Stone Sour, not by me - DISCLAIMER). _

Caius could hear a knocks on his door. Loud knocks. Then the caller seemed to have suddenly realized that doorbells had been invented, and as proof of that, the doorbell rang a lot of times.

This greatly disturbed Caius as he had been sleeping peacefully. He rolled over on his bed, and placed a pillow over his head.

The bell continued to ring for a few more minutes, until the ringer realized that she had Caius' spare keys in her pocket. And as proof of this the door went flying open, revealing a sleeping Caius, with an empty bowl that had, at a time, contained tons of ice-cream, a plate on which was unfinished Chinese, and a TV remote, in front of him. The TV was still on, and stuck on The History Channel, which, till date had never failed to amuse Caius. The "Julius Caesar" movie was playing - the really old black and white one - and Caius was saying evil things with evil background music. Normally, such a sight would have caused laughter - lots of it - but now wasn't the moment.

Caius was saying that he was going to throw letters, with different handwritings- _his handwritings_ – on Brutus' window sill.

And then he laughed evilly. Giggled, more like. And then a storm started and Casca started running around. The TV was turned off with a click of the remote button, which caused Caius to moan in his sleep, 'noooo.'

'Get up.' Her voice was demanding.

'TV…'

'Get up, _jerk!_'

'No…TV….me…want…chopsuey…' Chopsuey was a Chinese dish which was all very yummy.

Chopsuey? So was that all he could think about?

'It's not time for food, git, get up.'

'Turn…on…TV…me…wanting…'

'You've been lying in bed all day. Get up and face me.'

'Noooo…'

'Coward.'

'Nooo…mommy…I don't wanna go to school…'

'I am not your mother!'

'The other kids make fun of me…'

'Huh?' that wasn't much of a surprise, but her face crinkled up in either surprise or disgust anyway.

'Antony hit me! Stick...with …stick.'

She was almost upset that she had missed the sight.

'I see you've had a tortured childhood.'

'Yes, and prefect kid Brutus look cute, mommy…he no beat me…zzzzzzzzzzz…'

Caius rolled over and stopped mumbling as Portia turned bright red.

'GET UP!'

The sheer loudness of the scream woke her friend up, 'wha-?'

'I KNOW ABOUT THE TRIANGLE!'

Caius blinked, squinted and put his glasses on. He looked odd with them, but there was no time for contacts, and he needed to see.

'Triangle?' he said weakly.

'I'm not stupid you know.'

'You're not?' Caius was still sleepy. What to do? What to do? What to do?

'Okay then… I am not stupid, as you may not know.'

'What happened? Triangles?'

'What's with you and Brutus?' she spoke the words directly, without any twisting and turning. She had seen lots of soaps/movies in which people twisted and turned their sentences. It confused both her and the recipients of their words. So, she decided not to stretch on with the- "You have deceived me! I trusted you!"s for long and got straight to the point.

Caius stared, 'nothing.'

'What do you mean nothing?'

'I had a crush on him back on earth, which is totally irrelevant now, alright, happy?' it was true to an extent.

Portia raised her eyebrows.

'If you must know,' said Caius, 'I had totally forgotten he was married to you, and when I did find out, I got over that teensy weensy crush. It didn't mean anything. He couldn't even remember my name, and I felt really guilty and all that. I even dated Tity, and I even liked him, Tity, that is. And uh…' Caius tried to think of something fast, 'maybe he's in this triangle because someone likes you? Wait - it could be like, I like someone who likes you, who likes Brutus, who likes me-,'

'Why would Brutus like you?'

Oops.

'Oh, sorry, but I don't know…it could be any love triangle? I mean, I like Tity, ahh…maybe Titinius likes you.'

'Then why are you being so happy about it?'

'Because I'm over Tity, and I don't think there's much of any triangle now.'

'Then how am I involved?'

'Because I used to have a crush on your husband. Used to, as in past tense,' Caius lied through his teeth, although he had almost convinced himself that that was the truth.

'Honest?'

But since when was our dear Cassius an honest person? Parchments in different "hands"? Evil background music?

'Honest.'

If Caius could lie to Brutus, which he had done tons of times, he could lie to anyone, including his best friend. And it wasn't like anything had ever happened between the two of them, apart from violins playing in the background, and poems and songs singing themselves in their heads (which wasn't, in any way, their fault). For example, on a typical day back when they were alive, and when Brutus and Caius would meet, it would be like-

" 'Good morrow, dear brother.' -these were the words that would emerge from Caius' mouth, but the words that emerged from his brain would be embarrassing, something he himself wouldn't understand. They would be like-

"_How do you feel? that is the question  
But I forget you don't expect an easy answer  
When something like a soul becomes initialized  
And folded up like paper dolls and little notes  
You can't expect a bit of hope  
So while you're outside looking in,  
describing what you see  
Remember what you're staring at is me"_

Honestly, how silly was that? It didn't even mean anything, and wasn't proper English (for that time, at least).

And Brutus' wasn't any better. The songs in his brain were utterly ridiculous. He couldn't even translate them into his own language, but then, since when could he translate anything? It was like-

_  
"How much is real, so much to question  
An epidemic of the mannequins  
contaminating everything  
We thought came from the heart,  
But never did right from the start  
Just listen to the noises (no more sad voices)  
Before you tell yourself  
It's just a different scene  
Remember its just different from what you've seen"_

And then, another song plunged itself into his head,

"_Yeh mera dil, pyar ka dewanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!_

_Deewana deewana, pyar ka parwanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!_

_Mushkil hain, pyare, mujhse bachke jaana!!_

_Yeh mera dil pyar ka dewanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!"_

But luckily, that song didn't last for long (mostly because neither he, nor the author wanted to translate it, and also because it sounded stupid and did not suit the moment.)_  
_

So the English songs would start again. Lalala-

"_And it's the stars  
The stars that shine for you  
And it's the stars  
The stars that lie to you"_

And even though that didn't make sense to either of them, it suited the moment. They "ooh"ed and "ahh"ed, wondered what the other person was "ooh"ing and "ahhh"ing about, and then called each other things like "gentle brother", "noble noble Brutus", "noble Cassius", etc. It irritated both of them, but neither of them said so, since they both practically worshipped the words that came out of each other's mouth. And to prove this point, here is a diary extract from forty-something BC (in fake old English at times, and at normal English at other times.), which does more than just confirm Cassius' feelings for Brutus'; it also informs us of his preferable diet.

"_Dear Diary,_

_I do respect him, for he, as we all know, is a noble Roman. I was lying for the general good of Rome; he knows that I love my country. He will totally understand why I had to throw those letters there and trick him._

_ And though he speaks without thinking, his words express truth and honesty, and a little bit of crap, yes, but the truth and honesty pretty much covers up for that. I should stop listening to him all the time, I know, but he knows best, with all those brains and all. When we were at school, he was the youngest prefect there was. He looked really cute, trying to boss people around and failing. How I hope he joins my ultra-cool conspiracy! Then we call be like, friends. Yeah, friends. _

_But I have more important things to discuss with you, darling diary, since writing about Brutus makes my intestines twist and turn in a funny way. People say they are called "butterflies in the stomach", and it means that you're in love. Well that's not happening to me. My stomach is fully empty and most certainly has no butterflies in it. It's my intestines, as I have said earlier, that are twisting and turning. _

_And that reminds me, I want to eat Chinese, when China will be created, that is. They make us eat bread, meat and wine here. Wine isn't even yummy or anything, it tastes all bitter; it isn't like coca-cola, which is not a part of the staple diet here. And bread is too starchy, it might make me fat!!!! And how do I tell the guys I am a vegetarian, because killing animals is ruthless slaughter, when meat is eaten three times everyday? And they don't even cook it properly, and it's rubbery and hard, and chewy. The poor cows. The meanest thing my dear cutie pie noble Brutus has done, has been eating them. I tried to convert him to the right side, but he said that it was OK to eat cows and goats because man needed to live. I proved him wrong by saying that vegetarians live longer, and that meat stays in our intestines for a week before getting out of there, and that our gorilla counterparts have bigger canines than us. Humans are obviously herbivores. I also tried to get him to join my PETA fan-club, but he had replied saying that joining the conspiracy would be enough. He also said that I shouldn't want everyone to agree with me. Damn him…_

_So then I tried to get Casca to join, in order to get Brutus jealous. There was this totally huge storm, and it blew my hat away. And the hat wasn't even made of leather or anything, so I have no idea why God would allow such a thing to happen. Therefore, I have decided that God doesn't exist. I'm still not too sure on that, of course. Anyway, after getting Casca to join my conspiracy, I tried to get him to convert._

_'Let us take an oath,' I hath sayeth._

_'Oath,' Casca replieth, 'on what though?'_

_'On fighting for animal rights,' I sayeth, 'with this oath, we do pledge our loyalties to the to be created PETA and - ,'_

_'What is an animal?' Casca asketh curiously._

_'Those yucky things that all Romans are forced to eat.'_

_'And what's PETA?'_

_'People for -,' he hath not leteth me completeth my sentence._

_'I swear my loyalties,' Casca sayeth quickly, 'now let's go home. My wife's making tuna casserole.'_

_'Veggies don't eat fish either,' I sayeth, 'its part of the package.'_

_But Casca had only shrugged and left. He never takes anything I say seriously. I couldn't even tell him that a vegetarian diet kept you slim. I've lost tons of weight since I turned veg. Caesar was so jealous, you wouldn't believe. I heard him telling Antony that I was dangerous because I was so much thinner than he was. Cannot he learn to live without being jealous of anyone better than him?_

_Anyway, darling diary, I must get going. I have to plan the envious Caesar's assassination and visit Brutus._

_Yours,_

_Cassius"_

Yes, that was how pathetic his diary entries were.

But that is not the issue. The issue is that Cassius is in love with Brutus' and doesn't know what to do about it. - "

'Caius, what are you thinking???' Portia demanded.

'Tity,' Caius quickly lied. It was for the good of Rome, he told himself. Okay, so it wasn't, but he thought so anyway.

'Awww…' said Portia, 'you did like him, didn't you?'

Caius instinctively nodded.

Portia already seemed to have forgotten about her husband and her best friend. Her memory needed help. But it could also have been because she trusted Caius so much.

'Lets make a plan to get him to like you then?' Portia seemed pretty eager.

'Portia, he likes girls, and that's something I am so not,' Caius said, 'remember our plan to invent girls, well, that failed coz some of us were girls, and a girl is what you are, and what he wants to date. There are more chances of him liking you than liking me.'

'But I am a married woman, not a little girl. He will not like me and I won't let him.'

'Of course he won't like you; he probably already has a girlfriend or something. The point that I was trying to convey was - he likes girls. I'm a guy; a cute guy, you may argue, but a guy nevertheless.'

'Okay, okay, point taken. So what're you gonna do?'

'Nothing. I guess guys are dumb.'

'Point. What do you think Titinius is doing now?'

------------------------------------

Titinius

Her face could not stop swimming before his eyes. Such flawless skin, such shiny hair. Lalalalala

Lalalalalalalaaaa.

He wanted to sing. And so he did.

'_I'm a little teapot,_

_Short and stout,_

_Here is my handle and here is my spout,_

_When the waters boiling here me shout,_

_Pick me up and pour meeeeeeeeee ouuuuuuuuuuuuuut!' _

Antony, who lived next door, decided to join him. He even brought along his big macho guitar.

After a long, tiring duet, Antony asked Titinius, 'what's the matter? I've never seen you this happy.'

'I'm in love,' Titinius happily explained.

'Oh, with whom? Cassius? What about the love potion?'

'Ohh no, not him, the girl…the cute one…'

Antony shrugged and left. But not before checking out the fridge, which was practically empty. 'Diet,' Titinius had explained.

Titinius then wore his tie and skipped all the way to work. He worked in a bank, the only bank there was in heaven. Nothing really was done there, and everyone got free coffee and a salary for that. And an excuse to wear a tie, which was the real reason Titinius worked. He did like a good tie.

Nothing happened at work. He straightened his die, drank some coffee, chatted in his business-like tone, drank some more coffee, bought flowers for himself, got a haircut, drank some more coffee, did some boring paperwork and then skipped all the way back home.

Then he drank some coffee at home, remembered how nicely Caius always made his coffee, and then was horrified at himself for even daring to think of such a thought. Didn't he, Titinius, make better coffee than anyone else in the world? Excluding the coffee machine at work?

He shrugged, tried not to think about Caius Cassius, and about the girl he liked. But his conscience wouldn't let him. It insisted that he was being rather harsh with his ex.

So he thought about the greatness of his ex's coffee and returned to daydreaming about that girl. (_I'm sure you've all figured out who she is. Or maybe not?_)

-------------------------------------------------------

Cassius

'I don't know what he's doing now,' Caius mumbled, 'but I guess he's probably roaming around with his new girlfriend.'

'Wow, you're crushed – I mean of course you are, it's normal, I'm sorry. But we'll get over this.'

'It doesn't matter anyway.'

'Doesn't matter? Of course it does! You are suffering from inferiority complex!'

'What?'

'Never mind. You go back to bed. I'll turn the TV on for you. Goodnight.'

She left cheerfully.

Just in time to let the fairy godmother enter. She was always cheerful and greatly reduced the dramatic effects of a sad situation.

'Caius, dear,' she said happily, sipping her pineapple juice, 'lets have a little chat, shall we?'

_A/N- That song in the middle that most of you probably didn't understand was playing itself in my head, so I couldn't resist typing it down. It's a Hindi song. _

_And those "what to do" lines were taken from Anurag Mathur's "The inscrutable Americans", because they were so funny (they were in the book, at least). _

_And the other song, as mentioned before was not by me. The disclaimer is on top of the scene._

_And if you haven't guessed who Titinius likes (you could be wrong anyway. HA!), then it is either-_

_a. Calphurnia (with her sexy sexy skirts)._

_b. Portia (oooh lalala. Poor Bru)._

_c. The fairy godmother (she's not all that old, you know…)._

_d. Cleopatra VII (Antony will kill him!!!)._

_e. someone not mentioned here…(then what, really, is the point of this?)_

_And if you're wondering, no, I haven't seen the Julius Caesar movie, but I described it as I had guessed it would be. I do hope I was close. _

_Anyway, review. There's a button right there to your bottom left. Doesn't it look tempting?????_


	21. Chapter 29457936765, haha, just 20

**_CHAPTER TWENTY (please do read the author's notes)_**

**_A/N-1. LynneStar18 made a super-cool video, using that Stone Sour song, and bits of the JC movie. Do check it out at - . _**

**_LynneStar18 has also made great drawings on Julius Caesar and other things (invader Zim, which is some kind of cartoon thingy)at-_**

**_http://missy-lynne10. . _**

**_2. I have another reviewer (yay) Sophie-Lou, who was upset that Cassius and Titinius broke up. The-red-robyn thought similarly. I just wanted to say that it upset me too, even though I wrote it. After all that dialogue, I even considered getting them back together (I used to listen to all sorts of romantic songs while writing their scenes), but decided against it. It wasn't according to plan (yes, I did sort of lie to Cassius in that note. I made it up to him with all the ice-cream. I actually believe all of this is happening. I know, I'm crazy.) _**

**_3. There are sort-of clues to why Portia and Brutus will break up, but don't bother trying to figure it out, it will ruin the surprise. Oh, no, its really obvious now. Please read this while you are feeling stupid. Maybe I'll change my mind and hide the clues…okay, clues hidden. I hope. Okay, okay, don't bother checking. No one will be dumped._**

**_4. The "Cassius" part of this story took forever to write. Its first version was so long, but so incomprehensible. It needed lots and losts of editing, and almost all of it isn't even there anymore. And the part that is there sounds so stupid and meaningless. _**

**_3 The twentieth chapter, the fortieth review, my longest (I think) chapter… how cool is this? I am so proud of myself. Go me! Go me! GO ME!!!!!!_**

The clouds parted, a straight path of light entered the scene in a dramatic way and a thunder like roar could be heard.

The thunder like voice yelled "Go me!" several times and then everything quietened down.

Peace yet again.

Thankfully, the voice hadn't woken anyone up, because the voice's sound had consisted of ultrasonic waves. The screamer, being an insomniac herself, knew the importance of a good sleep, and let her character's rest.

This is because when one sleeps, their souls leave their body, because remaining in a physical body can get very tiring. That's why babies sleep so much – because they are new to the whole physical world, and are not quite used to it. They leave and go to the spirit world a lot. As one gets older, one gets used to the limitations of a physical body and sleeps less.

But this piece of information, however interesting, is not quite related to the story. If anyone is interested, the screamer may always be e-mailed.

And be sent reviews, of course.

But for the moment, our hero, Caius Cassius, was sleeping peacefully on his sofa. Peacefully because of the huge vat of chocolate, given to him by his ever so wonderful fairy godmother, that he had consumed. He had even consumed it with a safe conscience because the cows were not tortured in heaven. They were allowed to roam wherever they wanted, and their calves were not cruelly taken from them, and definitely not killed if they were male and unable to produce milk. They also got tons of food to eat, because "heaven" had lots of grass and meadows.

Yes, heaven was a happy place.

So, sleeping with chocolate running through his veins, Caius had another reason to be peaceful. Apart from the chocolate, that is.

He had had a long chat with the fairy godmother, and talking always helps.

'Wanna talk?' the fairy had said, and this time, our hero had not argued, but had been a good boy, had held his patience, and had talked.

'Yeah,' he said, 'what do I do now? The author said that I will get my soul-mate in the end, so I don't have to worry, right?'

'Didn't the author also say something about free will?'

'She did…so I won't get my soul-mate?'

'No sonny, you will. Life, child, is like a video game.'

'A video game?'

'Yeah, you always win in the end.'

'Not in all video games, you don't.'

'Okay, in a video game in which you win in the end. That's what life is.'

'Meaning?'

'You get a lot of choices, but the ending is planned, baby. I had asked you earlier, if you knew what destiny was, remember?'

'When you were my conscience?'

'Yes. So, you'll get a happy ending. But you have your own choices. Life, is like a JAVA program with if-else's. You choose your ifs, or else something else happens. But then the bracket closes and what's outside it is the ending -,'

'We didn't have Computers as a choice of subjects back in Rome, so I don't really know what you're talking about.'

'Okay, I'll try to write it down.' And she did. Not in a java way; the author's having a tough time learning JAVA anyway. She is pathetic enough to try to learn it by trying to describe it in her fan-fiction. Yes, that's how bad her condition is.

_The life of Cassius_

_Situation- Chocolate placed in front of you._

_Choices- Eat it/don't eat it_

_If choice 1 followed- get fat_

_If choice 2 followed- feel hungry_

_What happens anyway- Your hair stands up._

_Situation- Your hairs in a mess._

_Choices- Comb it/don't comb it/pretend not to notice and continue eating your chocolate_

_Blah blah blah._

_What happens anyway- you attain Nirvana._

_Choices- stay there/let this repeat itself/save the world/move on to a bigger level/some weird thing we don't understand._

'So we all attain Nirvana in the end?' Caius asked, 'and go to the real heaven? And then we get choices. And then?'

'The concept on which this universe works is very complicated. No one here has quite mastered it. It started with a creator. Let's suppose, an author. She creates. When her character's story ends, they merge with her. She in turn, goes to her creator – this all, mind you, is guesswork – and Cas, we do know all that has happened has already happened.'

'How?'

'Don't you sometimes get these deja-vu feelings, and go "Oh my god, this has happened before"?'

'Um, yeah, I have.'

'The only conclusion we can derive is that this happens, because this has, in fact, happened before.'

'I guess.'

'I don't want to confuse you, dear, I really don't. But these things do arouse curiosity- why are we on earth? Does our life have a purpose? I am guessing that we are here on earth to figure out who we are. Our creator – and that is _not _the author – our ultimate creator, was bored, and came on earth several times to confirm that it was real. This physical world was created. Let there be light – and BANG, here was light.'

Brainwave time.

'Wait, wait, wait. If our creator was coming through us, that would make US the creator. That would make you and me, and everyone, individually God. And, um, and if, well, everything that was said just appeared, that would make this somebody's imagination. Or a dream. Whatever you think about before sleeping usually occurs in your dreams.'

Whatever that meant..

'I guess so.'

'You could be wrong.'

'I know. I come up with new theories everyday. We can discuss this later, of course. And we will if the reviewers ask for it. Now, let's discuss your love life.'

'Fine. Portia is Brutus' wife and Titinius likes girls. And now I think I like Titinius. But I also like Brutus. What do I do? Wait, since everything is planned, I could just sit here and wait for it?'

'Then it will happen, but probably in another lifetime. HA!'

'Okay, so I've got to do something, but what?'

'Right now go to bed, here have some chocolate,' she handed the chocolate to him, 'with me as you fairy godmother, only good can happen. Goodnight.'

'Goodnight.'

And so, Caius was sleeping happily.

Brutus

Why him? Why him? Why him?

Why was it always stupid old Brutus who was so confused? Why wasn't Portia ever confused, or even Cassius?

It wasn't fair, was it? But since when was life fair? Blossom (PPG again) got to be leader even though the position, by hereditary rights, should have been Buttercups? Or by simple law's, Mojo jojo's? Was that fair?

And it wasn't fair that his hair always looked disgustingly neat no matter how much he tried to mess it up? Or didn't wash it? Or refused to comb it for centuries? They'd still be as neat as ever. Was that fair? Was it?

And that one time he did comb it, it stood up on its end. And that was the one time he had liked his hair neat. Was that fair?

No, because life was rarely fair. Never fair, more like.

Was it fair that no matter how many times he tried, he could never win that wretched Spiderman game? And that Portia had managed to win on the very first go?

Was it fair that no matter what he did, Caius Cassius wouldn't ever talk to him? No matter how much he wanted to start an interesting conversation with him, for unknown reasons, Cassius would back out; stare at his toes, or at his knees? He wouldn't make a sound – though Brutus was sure that he had heard some sort of a squeak emerge from his mouth once – no, not a sound. He would shut up, and be silent.

Which didn't suit him.

Maybe he was just shy. He talked to Portia alright, and he talked a great deal to Casca. And to Titinius - well, Brutus didn't really want to think about that - But even if he was shy, it shouldn't really have taken him so long to open up, right? And it wasn't like they were total foreigners to each other. The times that they had spent in Rome together were so difficult to forget, and though somehow, Brutus had managed to forget them, but they now came rushing back to him like a waterfall that had stopped due to lack of rain (SPLASH!!!). But Cassius had seemed to remember him perfectly. What now? So once Brutus remembered his name, was it all over? The dialogue between them had been pretty well, open. Why was Cassius so shy now? Just one or two weeks back, the situation between them had been like-

"'_Helllllllllllllllllllllllllo, Brrrroooooooooooooooooooooooooooooootus!!!! It's me!!!!' Cassius waved his arms around desperately._

'_Uh, brother. I hath already said, a minute ago.'_

'_I mean my NAME! All this brother crap won't do, I already told you. And I WAS your brother-IN-LAW. Law law law!'_

_Brutus racked his brain and searched his head for his brother's, who insisted on not being called his brother's name._

'_Ca-ca-aaaaa,' hinted Cassius, 'S-s-s-s-s-s-sssssssss,' _

'_Casca?'_

'_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!'_

'_Caesar.'_

'_Tyranny!!! Autocracy! We will walk the streets and yell, "Freedom!!! Liberty-'_

'_And the water of Tiber shall flood her banks.'_

_Cassius narrowed his eyes, 'You copied that dialogue; it was Marullus'.'_

'_Sorry,' said Brutus and then he realized the truth. How could he not have noticed it before?_

'_Nay, Flavius.'_

'_Whatever, some tribune. Now guess my name. Ca-aaaaa-sssssssssssssss.'_

'_Metullus Cimber,' said Brutus timidly._

'_Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.'_

'_Serpent?'_

'_No, think again. Freedom, liberty, republicanism…these words seem familiar?'_

'_Uh, Calphurnia?'_

'_She was tyranny's wife, for Pete's sake, Bru.'_

'_Octavius?'_

'_Great-nephew.'_

'_Marcus Antonius.'_

'_Oh, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!!!!'_

'_Lucius?'_

'_Your boy-servant? You know that's child labour?'_

'_Thou art Lucius then?'_

'_NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Brutus, Caaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssssssssssss.'_

'_Casca?'_

'_You've already guessed Casca.'_

'_I apologise to thee.'_

'_Thee rhymes with tea, or sea. Cool, huh?'_

'_Cicero?'_

'_He was OLD.'_

'_Harry Potter?'_

'_Maybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,' veiled Cassius._

'_I'm right! Peace, ho!'_

'_No, but uh…ho? Ho? Excuse me? What are you, Santa?'_

'_Perhaps,' said Brutus, 'thou art Santa. Answer me directly.'_

'_You live in heaven and you don't know who Santa is. Santa, hello??? What did you get for Christmas last year?'_

'_Christmas! Thou callst thyself Christmas!'_

'_Drop that funny accent. And improve your grammar. We could go to grammar school together, like Shakespeare did.'_

'_Shakespeare?'_

'_For how many years have you been living here? Several thousand? And you don't know who the big boss here is?'_

'_Ye gods.'_

'_No, that's for real people. Everyone goes to their creator in the end. Our creator, Will, and all his creations live here. To think that you are the hero of one of his famous tragedies.'_

'_Wasn't Julius, who doth bleed for justice's sake, the hero?'_

'_Hellllllllllo? But who was the noblest Roman of them all? Brutus!'_

'_Uh,' Brutus was running out of good dialogues._

'_Antony said that, if you care.'_

'_I didn't hear that. I was dead,' said Brutus, in his most normal English, he hadn't said it purposefully though; it had been a slip of tongue._

'_Your English is improving,' Cassius noticed, 'and I just met you two minutes ago.'_

'_I thank thee.'_

'_Not again,' Cassius moaned, 'but forget that, guess my name now.'_"

'Mark!' Portia called from a distance, 'Honey, I'm hooooomee!'

Bye bye flashback.

'Hi,' said Brutus. Yes, his English had improved. And Portia liked the change.

'Watcha thinking?' Portia asked.

'I was wondering why your Cassius friend doesn't talk so much. To me, I mean. He's being distant. He wasn't like this in Rome. He was nice and all.'

Okay, so "nice" wasn't the exact word. But at least he talked, even if it was only about evil stuff.

'Nice to you? What is _that _supposed to mean?' Portia asked.

'I don't really know, he used to talk to me. He never smiled or anything, but I could tell he liked me. He like, actually respected me.'

'Everyone in Rome respected you,' replied Portia, her tone dry.

'Until I you-know-whated Julius.'

'Of course Caius would respect you. He was the one who wanted to kill Caesar anyway.'

'I know. So after all that we went through, _together, _why do you think he isn't talking to me?'

Portia was just about to open her mouth and throw an insult at both her husband and her best friend. But then it hit her that it really wasn't Caius' fault. He simply felt guilty for having a _teensy weensy _crush on Brutus millennia back. Way before the two of them were even friends. Though part of her really wanted to, she honestly couldn't blame Caius for something that wasn't really his fault. For a small little crush.

And he even felt guilty about it. And that was a rare feeling for her best friend.

'Maybe he's shy,' Portia suggested. _It's not his fault._

'He wasn't shy some time back,' said Brutus.

_You're not breaking up a two thousand year old friendship over some stupid misunderstanding... a stupid misunderstanding brought up by some crazy poet. _

'Yeah,' said Portia, 'he's confused all the time. But I guess that's why we're friends. We do get along pretty well together, and, well, he is my best friend,' Portia sounded more like she was trying to convince herself of this fact than Brutus.

'When did you meet?' Brutus asked casually.

'Why are you so interested,' Portia snapped, 'I mean, sorry -,' she calmed down again, '-I didn't mean to get all upset. We met at a party.' She tried to hold in it, she really tried to, but the next few words came flying out of her mouth, quite against her own will-, 'what was with you guys back in Rome anyway?'

'We were related. And then, well, we got along pretty well.'

'Related?' Portia tried to hide the hope in her eyes.

'Yeah, well not by blood or anything,' said Brutus, 'he was married to Junia, but they broke up later on. Junia married the mail-man.'

'Interesting,' said Portia. She had never bothered to dwell deep into family history. Her dad was Cato, and that was all she knew.

'Then she left him for this really rich businessman, then the guy who kept on hanging around at Hevvie Park. Then she married an artist, and then went back to her mail-man.'

'Good for her,' said Portia. She of course, didn't really mean it. But it kept Brutus happy.

'She called up just yesterday,' said Brutus.

'Oh, and what did you say?'

'Nothing much, that I'm fine, that you're fine, and that the whole old guy thing is totally resolved. She said that my English has improved.'

'It has, Mark,' said Portia.

Brutus raised his eyebrows, for what was the first time in his life. In the more than two-thousand years of his life.

'I'm being honest, Mark, it has. Seriously. And in such little time.'

'Yeah, well, uh.'

'It must have been the books I gave you, but I hadn't expected them to work do fast, to be honest.'

Brutus was going to open his mouth to tell her that he had gone to grammar school, like Cassius had suggested while he was still talking to him. But she quickly said, 'I'm going to Cynthia's house for tea, Mark, see you.'

And straight out of the house she went.

Cynthia. Yeah, sure whatever.

**_A/N- No Cynthia isn't even anyone special. I highly doubt she'll even enter this story. _**

_**And please do review. Out of politeness.**_


	22. Chapter 21 lets go swimming!

**_A/N- 1.Tha JC you-tube video link didn't come up in the previous chapter, so check it out on mine, or on LynneStar18's profile. Please do see it, preferably before reading this chapter, cause its really cool._**

**_2. Oh, and the reason I'm always getting so late is the goddamned electricity. Whenever I decide to write, BAM, its gone._**

**_3. I actually liked this chapter. So I guess you'll have to like it too. (I usually hate my chapters and cannot bear going through them again.) Okay, so this chapter is a little short, but I've been busy with homework and stuff. _**

_**4. Someone has figured out why Portia and Brutus will have to break up. Cannot I ever hide clues properly? **_

**_5. Even I think that Cas and Tity were cute together. Why me? I'm just a poor little write who doesn't have the heart to break up so many people?_**

**_6. Review people. Please, I am like pleading here. _**

This was the day.

The crowd sat at the stands, cheering, screaming, throwing paper-balls at each other, and refusing to buy hot-dogs for the sake of the cows/chickens/pigs/goats/whatever they make those stupid dogs out of.

The hot-dogs weren't real anyway. They were made of plastic and were merely decoration pieces.

The hot-dog sellers were hoping that someone would buy their stuff, and spit it out, with the complaint that it was too hard. The sellers would only smile, saying that their dogs were plastic, and that the buyers were simply stupid that they didn't realize it.

But no one bought anything.

The hot-dog sellers shrugged and ate their own plastic dogs.

The crowd cheered and screamed and cheered and screamed, and then cheered some more.

The suspense…the drama…what was going to happen??? No one knew, and no one wanted to know. But they wanted to know at the same time.

The sky was crystal clear. No clouds; just a bright sun, which, in all its glory, was throwing its light onto the scene, making it shine brighter than it had ever shone before. More than anything had ever shone ever before, without being overly hot. The gleaming blue water reflected the light back, throwing it back to the sky it came from, in all its perfection. But then, it was because the water was chlorinated, so no big deal. And the floor had been polished with this very expensive piece of cloth.

The crowd gasped. The crowd screamed. Someone actually fainted from all the suspense which he simply couldn't take anymore. What was going to happen?

'I cannot take it anymore!' cried a very pretty Roman woman, 'bring 'em on!'

Portia, however, found this all very stupid. How dumb could a situation get? But she had to admit, the water did look really pretty.

Even though she found the situation dumb, her lower lip was being bitten by her teeth, showing the nervousness subtly hidden behind her confident yet pissed-off face. She tried to roll her eyes in a sarcastic way, but it came out looking very stupid. Very very stupid. She looked around, hoping that nobody had seen her with such a stupid expression. Luckily, no one had, so she got back to trying to roll her eyes.

Calphurnia, a few seats behind her, was putting on her make-up. She wasn't "ooh"ing and "aah"ing with the crowd, and would have rather not been there. She had, of course, only come because of the free tickets – a once in a lifetime opportunity. She rolled her eyes, unlike Portia, successfully at the crowd, and at the fainting people, and made them feel very stupid. One round and extremely cute woman actually burst into tears.

'Such stupid people,' she thought, helping herself to a diet-coke at the same time, 'they're actually excited about all this shit. Ew.' And she went back to putting on her make-up, rolling her eyes, and drinking diet-coke. But however much she hated this, she had to admit that the water looked really pretty.

Brutus simply had no idea what was going on. Of course, he had some idea, but he didn't really care much. He sat all by himself, drinking coconut-water and playing with his miniature Powerpuff girl toys. But even though he was ignorant, and hated games of any kind, he had to admit that the water looked really pretty.

Cynthia yawned. What the hell, she had to admit that the water looked really pretty.

Lucius also hated this. His long blond hair kept on coming in front of his eyes, preventing him from seeing the water. When he did, however, see it, he had to admit that it was really pretty.

Draco was thinking about Harry Potter and was drooling. How he had to admit, that the water, so very much like his Harry, looked really – make a wild guess – pretty.

Antony, however, like the rest of the crowd was overflowing with excitement. The adrenaline running through his veins made him jump up and down and scream as loudly as any man could. Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa! He cheered and waved at the crowd, encouraging them to continue with their cheering and yelling.

'YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!' he screamed. He loved games and sports. He loved the feel of adrenaline telling him what to do. He loved the excitement, he loved it all. But he didn't give a damn about the pretty water.

The field, with the pretty water between it, lay open for them to see. A door at one end of the field was opened by an automatic computer.

Cassius entered the arena, looking as brave as a man could. Though he hated games, this was something he could deal with.

Brutus took a moment to lift an eye off the tea party he was having with his toys to look at his once friend – who was wearing a plain T-Shirt, and the smallest shorts that Brutus had ever seen.

A door at the opposite end of the field opened just as the other door had opened. In the most melodramatic way with more sound effects than the average human brain can imagine.

Caesar entered the arena. Though epileptic, he looked anything but defeated.

'WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' yelled Antony, waving a flag with "JC" written on it.

Portia, at the same time, waved her own flag, which had "CC" on it, in a very bored way. But she smiled and gave our hero a thumbs-up when he looked at her.

Brutus' flag had "peace" written on it.

'Friends,' Caesar roared – the crowd roared louder – and waved.

Caius was not going to have it. With a wave of his own hand, another door opened, letting in a lot of cheerleaders in short skirts. The all had "CC" messily scribbled in the amount of clothing that they did have.

The danced into the arena, waving their pom-poms around cheerfully. They then performed a complex dance which involved one of them standing on her head, and another on the tip of a long, fake, eyelash.

The music started. Cassius grinned as the girls danced.

'_GIMME A C!!!!!!!_

_GIMME AN A!!!!!!!!!_

_GIMME AN S!!!!!!!!_

_GIMME ANOTHA SSSSS!!!!_

_GIMME AN I!!!!!_

_GIMME A U!!!  
GIMME AN SSS!!!!!_

_WHAT DO YA GET????_

_CASSSSIUSSSSSS!!! SSSSSS!!!'_

And then the very talented cheerleader stood on her head, and the doubly talented one on her eyelash.

Yes, it was truly a glorious moment.

Caesar merely smiled, and a whole bunch of well dressed men with instruments – a choir – walked in.

The lead singer brought the mike closer to his mouth and sang in that funny manly voice,

'_Caaaaaaaesar, we love theeeee._

_May thee live a million and one years._

_May thee be from trouble freeeee._

_And may thee overcome thy feaaaars._

_----_

_Yes, we love theeeeeee._

_We wish thee well._

_May Cassius sink, (heheeee)_

_And may he, forever, smell…_'

The song was extremely pathetic, and even Mark Antony had to be excused to go to the bathroom, where he giggled to his hearts content. The cheerleaders giggled openly and hi-fived each other. Caius laughed cruelly, while Calphurnia raised an eyebrow. Portia was still attempting to roll her eyes. And still failing.

The song ended and Caius smiled. Caesar smiled back. They stepped in front of each other, for what seemed to be the last time.

'This time its war,' said Caesar, his eyes flashing dangerously.

'You got it,' said Caius, 'its war, baby, waaaaaaaaar.' He tried to growl. But it came out like a, well, nothing.

Caesar pulled his shirt out. Calphurnia closed her eyes, and Antony tried hard not to look away, which would have been considered rude.

'Swimming time,' he said.

Caius smiled, taking off his own shirt to reveal a well toned chest, for someone so thin anyway. 'You've got the falling sickness,' he said, 'no chance for you.'

Brutus shut his eyes tight. _These guys were almost naked!_

'Yeah, well, my doctor got rid of it,' said Caesar, 'he's really smart.'

Damn him, thought Caius, but out loud said, 'Smarter than your doctor back in Rome, at least.'

'Very much so,' said Caesar, 'may we start the swim now?'

'That would be my pleasure,' said Caius. And he plunged in, with Caesar right behind him.

They swam and they swam. Powerful breaststrokes pushed the water in front of them to what _seemed_ like light-years behind. They ignored the call of their bodies, which were telling them to stop, that the journey might kill them, that losing didn't matter, that staying alive was what mattered. But they had to defeat the other, had to prove that they were stronger, no matter how much their bodies were forced to suffer. More strong pushes forced them forward and forward….and forward…more pushes, more pushes….

Huffing and puffing, panting and panting, swimming and swimming, they reached a centimetre ahead. The pool was a whole fifteen metres long. This meant one-thousand-four-hundred-and-ninety-nine centimetres were still left.

Could they do it?

Who would win?

The suspense…oh the suspense!

'Julius!' screeched Antony, waving his flag at the topmost point at the stands.

'Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassssssssssssssssssssiussssssssssssssssssssss!' screamed the cheerleaders.

'Cas,' said Portia, waving her flag around.

'Peace,' said Brutus happily. Oh, how pretty the water was!

'CAESAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!' cheered half-the-crowd.

'CAAAAAAAAASSSSIUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' cheered the other half.

With all this cheering, plus their own effort, another centimetre was crossed.

'Will they survive?' the crowd cried, for the one-thousandth and fivety-second time.

'No,' said one half of the crowd, as the other half screamed, 'yes they will!'

'Joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!' Antony yelled, watching water fly in all directions due to the splashing and splashing of arms and legs…

Nine millimetres…

Nine point five millimetres...

Nine and three quarters…

Nine point nine nine nine nine millimetres…

YES!!!! Another centimetre crossed.

Caius ignored the call of his ribs, telling him to stop. How they hurt! How they pained!

Caesar, on the other hand, ignored the call of his thighs, and not his ribs! How nice his ribs felt, but oh, how his thighs, oh how his tired thighs made him want to die!

But no, defeating the enemy was much more important…his power had to be proven…

Back in the stands, the flags flew, the wind playing with them and turning them according to its will.

'Jooooooooooooooooooo!' 'Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!' 'Peace.' -were now the only sounds that could be heard. Apart from the wind, that is, which made funny sounds, still, according to its will.

The sunshine quickly died away, and the clear sky faded into dull grey clouds. The wind was growing stronger and stronger. People's hats and plastic hot-dogs flew away into the endless horizon…far far away they went. The wind then played cruelly with people's hair, making of them the messiest mess that was humanly imaginable. The wind finally struck the clouds, forcing them to shed all the water in them, which was quite a lot. The clouds disappeared into heavy rain, causing fog, causing mist. Nothing could be seen. Everyone squinted, but no, the swimmers, who swam ever so fast, were impossible to see…

Minutes passed…hours passed…days passed…people had to survive on the few plastic dogs that hadn't flown away…and the sunshine slowly returned.

Oh yes, oh yes, a whole metre…wait nothing was crossed. Two men splashing around and not getting anywhere was all that could be seen.

_I ate a plastic dog to see this? _Calphurnia thought. Oh well, at least the tickets were free.

'Joooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!' Antony had still not lost hope. Julius would win…he had to…

'Cassss! Move!' Portia ordered.

'Peace?' said Brutus hopefully.

'Time out,' said the fairy godmother. And everyone had to agree.

Caius and Caesar stepped slowly out of the water for a break.

'I don't have the heart to tell them that the water is only three feet deep,' the fairy whispered into Portia's ear as the two of them went to greet Caius.

'Awwww, man,' our hero gasped, 'that was dead tiring…thank god for this break.'

'Cassius!' the cheerleaders screamed.

'Thanks for the support guys,' said Caius, wiping the sweat of his forehead, realizing that the "sweat" was in fact water, as he had just been "swimming", and took a towel and started wiping himself instead.

'So,' said Portia, 'you must be really tired.'

'Yeah, that Caesar aint easy to beat. Tough, tough competition…'

'You poor thing,' said his fairy, though obviously not meaning it.

'Yeah,' said Caius, his chest heaving up and down like a bulldozer. But then all of a sudden, his eyes narrowed and went up up and away at the same time. He was staring pointedly a fixed point behind the fairy and Portia's back.

Portia immediately turned around, 'Oh, Titinius, its you.'

'Hello,' said Titinius, 'hey Cassius, I do hope you'll win.'

'Liar,' said Caius.

'No, really,' said the ex, 'I honestly mean it. I just wanted to wish you good luck. Hi fairy godmother! Hey Portia! Um, so that's all I wanted to say, really. So, uh good luck then. I'll see you later, I guess.' And he walked away.

'Well,' said Portia, 'now you have more people on your side. See, everyone likes you.' she hoped that her friend wouldn't notice the flock of admirers flocked around his opponent.

'Why him of all people?' Caius asked.

'I'm sure he feels really bad about breaking your heart and all,' Portia said, 'maybe this is his way of showing that he's sorry, and that its not his fault.'

'He doesn't have to be so formal, so stiff about it,' said Caius, 'but then, this is the real him, not the love potion operating through his body, but whatver…'

'Yeah,' said Portia.

'And he's just Titinius, no big deal really…'

"_And it's the stars  
The stars that shine for you  
And it's the stars  
The stars that lie to you"_


	23. Chapter twenta twoooooo!

_**CHAPTER TWENTY**_

**_A/N- Yeah, people, I'm back, and I thank all of thee for thy reviews, and thank those who read this at all, but not as much as I thanked those who reviewed. HA. So review now…_**

Caius stared at Titinius till he completely left his sight, and continued to stare even after…

'So that's it then,' said Caius, 'just a stupid "good luck", which he probably doesn't even mean?'

'Yeah, well, he doesn't have much choice does he?' Portia said. Though the words were stingy, her tone was comforting. How she managed it, Caius would never know.

'Yeah,' said Caius, looking at the point where the man he had been with for a few days, not even a week, whom he now so suddenly missed, had, a few seconds ago, been standing. (The fairy had gone for a walk, leaving him and Portia alone.) Caius sighed noiselessly.

The whole Titinius business had been so stupid.

And the most stupid part was that he never even _liked_ Titinius. Not in _that_ way at least. He had even forgotten him completely, only Brutus occupying his thoughts. He had always known that he had been using him to get over Brutus. As a toy, nothing more. And now, he was the one who would have to carry the reminders of those times spent together, and Titinius could walk free, scarless, with no memories to bother him. The curse cast by Caius had rebounded right back on him.

And why? Why? Wasn't he, Caius Cassius, the cunning evil sly guy who used people for getting over someone else, and for the free chocolate? Then why was this happening to him? Titinius was the one who was supposed to end up heart-broken, not him.

How had he managed to like a person so much in only a few days? The relationship couldn't have been more than four or five days, till that one day that the truth came out. Why had he only realized Titinius' value, after he left him? He wasn't the same man he used to be after he met Titinius. He hadn't really dated anyone, as such. Just a stupid bunch of flowers, a box of chocolates, a shared cuppa coffee, and he was a new person, a person who _liked _someone that way. And now the person he liked suddenly didn't exist anymore.

'I know,' said Portia, 'its rather sad, isn't it?'

'It's alright,' said Caius and repeated for the umpteenth time, 'it's not his fault.'

'But you feel bad no matter whose fault it is,' said Portia. Then she paused…what was she supposed to say next?

But Caius wasn't really listening, so she didn't have to bothering figuring out what to say. He walked to a seat on the stands and sat down, preparing to munch on a plastic dog. His head was in his hands, and he took a large bite out of the dog.

'BLEARGHHHH!' he spat it out, 'what was that?'

'It was a plastic dog,' Portia explained, 'but have this – I packed you some sandwiches, in case you got hungry.'

Caius gratefully took the sandwiches, as he was pretty hungry. Especially since he had been "swimming" for such a long time.

'You know,' he said, stuffing his mouth, 'this sucks. I hope I'll win, that'll show Tity...'

'That isn't going to show him anything,' said Portia wisely, 'except that you're better than Caesar, which he probably already knows. And, well, he's straight Cas, and I know you're hurt, but we'll get you over this. I promise.'

'I didn't know I could like a person so much in such little time, especially when I didn't like him from the start. Our relationship was, according to me, some sort of time-pass thingy. I didn't care how he felt-,' he was careful enough to leave out the details involving Brutus, -'I was bored and needed something to do.'

'Something to do,' repeated Portia, trying not to remember the two of them making out. Somewhere else, Titinius was trying not to do the exact same thing. It did sort of disgust him after all.

'Yeah, but "bye bye Tity",' said Caius, waving to the empty air, and failing to notice someone right behind him.

It was when that someone spoke, that Caius realized there a person standing right behind his back - 'Hello.'

Brutus.

'Hi Markie,' said Portia, instinctively throwing Caius a suspicious look. Caius, however, either didn't notice or ignored that look. The look had faded away within half a second anyway.

'Hey Bru, man,' Caius breathed.

'What's up?' Brutus asked. He had only learnt that term recently from this cartoon show on TV.

'New term?' Portia noticed.

Brutus nodded and sat down next to them. Portia was now in the middle with Caius to her left and Brutus to her right.

'You did well,' said Brutus, 'peace though…' he offered Caius one of his flags.

'He's the one competing,' said Portia, horrified.

'Tyranny might think I'm a wuss if I tell him I want peace,' Caius looked ten times more shocked than Portia, and Portia was so shocked that her hair stood on its ends for a few seconds, something remarkable for a woman with such extraordinarily long wavy hair, so that was saying something.

'I was just hoping-,' said Brutus, but he didn't complete his sentence because Caius wouldn't let him.

'I cannot, and will not make peace with Mr. Tyrannous Dictator Caesar, Bru, he'd think I'm admitting defeat, he'd consider himself winner.'

'You're talking to me again?' Brutus happily said.

'When was I not?' asked Caius, completely forgetting all his feelings in a single go, and throwing all his thoughts in one direction – defeating Caesar. Just because of a stupid flag. Just a minute ago, it was all about Titinius, now it was all about worthless swimming. _Boys…_

Portia smiled, happy that at least the competition was talking her friend's mind of Titinius.

'But peace is good,' Brutus tried to explain, 'and Julius' blood had been shed for peace's sake…'

'Did you see the result?' Caius asked, 'Civil war and MORE dictatorship. Hence, I must defeat him.'

'Come to Cassius, you must not!' said Brutus, wondering what on earth he was talking about.

'Most noble brother,' said Caius, 'both you and I know that it is must, that that tyrant be shown his ways. He still thinks that he is all powerful.'

Caius paused, and then shrieked, 'on what meat doth that god feed that he is grown so strong? Knows he not of vegetarianism?'

Portia rolled her eyes, and this time successfully. Who had not heard of vegetarianism with all of Caius' campaigns?

'But the meat he doth feed on must have something on it, for tis not _meet_ that he so close to beat me, with that falling sickness he hath…what the hell am I talking about? ' The "_meet_" was an intended pun.

'You were saying that he must be eating something really nice,' said Brutus, 'because he's so close to beating you.'

'Yea!' said Caius. The adrenaline was getting to him. He stared at the sky for a few moments, and then decided to go on with his babbling.

'Tis Caesar, tis mortal God cannot beat Cassius, for swim is what Cassius can do! Water is what Cassius knows best! And no meat will break that! Caesar go down down!'

Now even Brutus couldn't make sense of what Caius was saying.

'Caius,' Portia politely pointed out, 'you're not making any sense.'

'I doth not careth about sense making,' said Caius boldly. He was about to say something else just as not "sense making" but was interrupted, this time by the one and only – Julius Caesar.

'I have not been fed on any kind of meat,' Caesar said, 'it's not good for my epilepsy, or so said my doctor. Oh, hello Brutus, hello Portia.'

Brutus stared at the floor guiltily and mumbled a, 'hey.' and Portia nodded her head curtly in Caesar's direction. Caius stood up.

'You!' he spat.

'Me,' said Caesar, 'and I must say, you are proving to be tougher competition than I could have believed.' His choir "ooh"ed in the background, and Antony ran to the men's room to giggle.

'Perhaps you underestimate me,' said Caius. His real name was Gaius, but that's out of the topic.

'Perhaps you underestimate me, to have chosen to fight against me like this. We still have many metres to go, and who knows how it will end. It will take months, maybe years, to complete the course -,'

'Peace?' said Brutus hopefully.

'-but yet I fight against you in this foolish manner, when we both know who will emerge as winner. Me. Caesar was always winner, and shall remain so, forever.'

'Stop speaking that utter nonsense,' said Caius, 'for Caius is as Gaius as Portia is Porcia.'

'But that makes no sense either,' Portia whispered to Brutus.

'And I am as Caesar as Antony is Antony,' said Caesar mockingly. He paused to increase the effect of his words. During the pause, he, however, realized how idiotic his words had sounded, and walked away.

'You all should get your shirts on,' said Brutus. But no one listened to him.

'It doesn't matter what he said,' said Portia to Caius, signalling him to sit down.

'Yeah, yeah,' said Caius, 'he sucks anyway.' and he sat down sulkily.

Two more minutes passed and nothing was said. Silence bugged Portia so she opened her mouth.

'You'll win anyway-,' she bagan, but more disruptions were on their way.

'No you wont, and where's Ju?' it was Antony, 'I needed the washroom, and he was here when I left. C'mon where's he?'

No one got up or asked Antony to sit down.

'We don't keep tabs on him,' said Caius. _Damn that Antony!_

'But he was right here!' Antony protested.

'Not anymore!' said Caius.

'Hey,' said Brutus, 'you and I have the same first name.'

'Who doesn't?' replied Antony, 'and where's Ju, someone who's not Cassius, answer me.'

'He went that way,' said Portia, pointing left. Caesar could still clearly be seen. He was sitting down and grumbling about how everything sucked with his choir "ooh"ing behind him.

'Next time try looking,' said Caius rudely.

'Thanks Porch,' said Antony, 'and Cassius, you're going dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooown!' he then went back to his hobby of following Caesar like a hound.

'Blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah,' said Caius. He would have gone on forever if it wasn't for the third disruption – an announcement.

'Game to resume in two minutes!'

'Yeah!' yelled Antony.

'Yeah! Yeah!' yelled the cheerleaders.

'_Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh_!' sang the choir.

Caesar and Caius, however, burst into tears.

The water had only just been wiped off their hair, and they had to go back into the cruel water. The cold cruel water.

'No!' cried Caesar, 'break-time it is!' he took out his favourite frilly pink handkerchief and sobbed into it.

'But my sandwich isn't even over yet!' Caius screamed, and started to eat it very very slowly.

Ten minutes passed and everyone was still waiting for Caius to finish his sandwich.

'Mmmmm,' said Caius, and nibbled a small piece off. A very small piece.

'Caius,' said Portia, 'do finish. The race was supposed to continue five minutes ago…'

But neither Caius nor Caesar wanted to race. Caius was stuck on the same sandwich for the next few hours, and Caesar was sitting next to Antony and watching Caius eat. It wasn't too entertaining a sight, but it sufficed.

Brutus took advantage of the moment.

'Peace,' he said, 'if both the competitors agree, no one will have lost. You both shall be winners as you had the strength to forget your past hatred.'

And this time, both agreed, shook hands, and decided to go their separate ways.

The cheerleaders and choir sang together, 'Brutus and Peace!!!!!!!!!!!!' in two completely different tunes. The cheerleaders then stood on their head/eyelashes, waving their pom-poms around in joy.

Everyone but Antony was pleased with the result of the race. Antony had borrowed his friend's pink hanky to wipe his sorrowful tears on.

'But you had to beat him, Joooooooooo,' he continuously sobbed.

The sun shone, like it had in the previous chapter, in all its glory. It shone on the pretty water. It shone on the plastic dogs. It shone on Caius' sandwich. It shone on Antony's brilliant tears, making them ten times more pronounced.

Yes, it was truly a glorious moment.

**_A/N- ah well, I'm late yet again,, but I had tons of bio homework. I hope you all checked out the video and will review…???_**

**_Oooh, and I've planned a sequel for this. It will have more of Titinius-Portia. Lalalaaaaaaaa!!!. And Bru-Cas may have a fight, I don't know, I'll have to think about it. But I like the idea of them fighting…and for the last time (in this chapter, that is) people, if you have read this, REVIEW. PLEASE!!!_**


	24. Chapter 23 IM BACK AFTA EXAMS!

**_A/N- EXAMS FINALLY OVER!!!!! And I'm back, finally!!!!! I'm not in touch with what's happening in my story. My own story and I forget the plot. Ah, well, at least I'm not flunking maths like in thought I would._**

_**Anyway, people, I want you to review, because that's the nice thing to do.**_

_**Stupid freakin' BOARD year. ICSE (Indian Certificate of Secondary Education) board, which is worse than any other. How much does that suck? Once school reopens, it'll be all work and no play for a whole year. Don't know how I'm gonna write this (but I will).**_

Brutus' POV

The competition is over, and if you're wondering who won, it was what I stood for – peace. So, in a way, I won, and no one lost.

But its not like that competition even mattered, those two, that is Cassius and Caesar, were only going to take several thousand years to complete the course, and by that time, we would all be dead, since we are growing old now. I even almost have a white spot on my hair, but maybe that's just dust.

Right now, we, that is, Portia and me, are at home. Cassius has also come over, along with Casca.

And Portia's making lunch, leaving me alone with the guys.

'Dude,' says Casca, 'you've got every single Power-puff girl episode there is.'

'Ew,' says Cassius, 'I hate that show, no offence, Bru, but it's for girls.'

'There's nothing wrong with being in touch with your feminine side,' Casca stands up for me.

'I'm not in touch with any male or female side,' I hastily say.

'Yeah,' says Casca, and then puts a tape into the VCR, and pushes a button on the remote. The taped episode starts playing immediately, and Casca falls heavily into the sofa, like he's taking year's worth of exhaustion off him in one go.

I have seen this episode a million and one times, so I decide to talk to Cassius. He isn't watching the show either; he's looking outside the window.

'So, Cassius,' I say, 'what's up?'

'The words sound good on you,' he says, still staring out of the window, not meeting me in the eye. The evening-sun falls through the clouds and on his face ever so eloquently, bringing out a hidden glow in him, the glow neither I nor he knew he had.

I'm so poetic.

'Thank you,' I say. From the condition of things, it looks like I'm really bad at making conversation.

'I dunno, Bru,' he sighs, after a minute or so of silence, 'I thought that if I beat Caesar, Titinius would come back, and that everything would be alright. Obviously, he wouldn't do any such thing, so I didn't really have to prove myself to him, to anyone, even to myself. But, I don't know, things change, nothings constant. One moment I'm in a toga, and Titinius is dying over my dead body, next moment, I'm in a stupid torn pair of jeans, and he's, well, not there.'

Though these lovey-dovey words about Titinius, for no reasons I can comprehend, sting, I continue talking.

'I think your jeans are very nice,' I sort of lie. (Everyone else thinks they're nice, so I guess they must be. But he should get them stitched some time soon. One more tear, and they'll be in two (or more) pieces.)

'Oh,' now he turns around and looks me in the eye, something he hasn't quite managed for ages, hiding a smile, 'you think so?'

'Sure,' I say. Okay, so I guess they are nice in their own way.

'Thanks,' he looks fairly surprised, and is now grinning openly, 'I thought you wouldn't like them, but ahhh, you do…so, great.' he's lost for words. Maybe he's about to remember the reason he wasn't talking to me.

Well, he's one confusing person. All happy one moment, all sad another, then angry, then sad, then cheerful, and then back into his own grey world of sadness and doom.

Yup, that's Caius Cassius.

'What are you thinking?' I ask, wanting to get straight to the point; something I will never manage to successfully accomplish. I usually just drone on about other unnecessary things, and forget I have to say. I wish he tells me the cause of these mood-swings. I mean, he can't keep his mouth shut all the time. Maybe I should give myself a voluntary wound in the thigh, but something tells me that only Portia would get away with something like that.

But what's the harm in trying?

'I can beat myself up,' I say, because I think "myself" is more effective than "my thigh". And my thigh would sort-of hurt I was reduced (by Cassius) to hitting it/pinching it/harming it in any way.

'What?' Cassius looks shocked and amused at the same time, 'why would you do that? And its _you _who thought suicidal thoughts were wrong. Hitting yourself is as suicidal as it gets, apart from killing yourself, that is.'

'I didn't mean it in that way,' I quickly said, 'I want you to tell me what's bothering you and why you weren't talking to me.'

'What's that got to do with beating yourself up?' Cassius asks, now disgusted. He is probably picturizing me beating myself up.

'Uh, it makes people talk. When Portia wanted me to talk, she wounded her thigh, on purpose.'

Cassius snorts, 'that's so typical of her. I'll make fun of her for the rest of her life now, thanks for that piece of information.'

'Uh, it worked,' I repeat, 'so it wasn't that bad a thing.'

Cassius shakes his head and says, 'but it won't work with me. There isn't much to say anyway. Titinius and I broke-up, so I'm a little sad, I suppose. That's it.'

He's explaining that like I'm two or something.

I am definitely not two. I am just five, FIVE, years younger than he is.

'And why weren't you talking to me?' I ask, trying to make my voice sound as mature as possible.

'That's because – no, wait – don't go beating yourself up – uh, I didn't really know what to say…I'm, erm, shy.' That's a lie and he knows it. And he also knows that I know it. And I know that he knows that I know. And he knows that I know that he knows that I know that he knows. That means that he knows that he knows.

I confuse myself sometimes.

'Yes I am shy,' he repeats, 'S-H-Y shy.'

'I am perfectly aware of your spelling abilities,' I say, 'and I know how shy is spelt. And I also know that you're a very capable liar.'

'So I am,' he says, 'and I am also shy.'

'But you know me enough to not be shy. You were very chatty during our first meeting here, and then you went all quiet. I want to know why.'

'I am a strange person, Bru, completely unaware of my feelings, towards you, towards Titinius, towards myself. Even you'll have to admit, it felt weird meeting each other after all that back home. I was all happy and stuff the first time we met, but I really didn't know what to say. You remembered, or rather Portia remembered, my name, and you remembered me, and YOU stopped talking. Not me, Bru, you.'

Someone manipulating my mind again…

'You can't fool me,' I cleverly say, 'when at Rome, when you wanted to talk me into joining the conspiracy, you made it sound as if I had started the discussion. Haha, Cassius, I am no idiot; I knew perfectly well what you were up to. As do I now.'

'You don't know what I'm up to,' he confidently says. He pauses and then, after a moment says, 'I'm not really up to anything, honest.'

'Oh, alright,' its pointless fighting with him.

'But if I stopped being friendly and stuff, I'm sorry,' Cassius continues, 'I am crazy and I admit it.'

He smiles a lopsided smile. Antony always said that it makes him look like he's mocking himself, but that's not completely true. He has a good enough smile, when he does smile, that is. And he smiles now. He's not a stupid grumpy guy anymore.

'So,' says Cassius, 'how come you're not watching TV?'

'I've already seen this episode,' I explain, feeling stupid for some reason.

Ah, well, we can talk now. Like two long-lost friends.

---------------------------------

Cassius

A week passed since the swimming pool incident, and everything was back to normal. Everyone did anything they could do for ice-cream. Everyone had lots of pizza. Everyone was happy.

Including Caius.

He did his best to forget Titinius, which was easy enough. Chocolate heals anything and everything, and as long as he didn't see his ex face-to-face, he remained as cheerful as ever.

The normal time-table was resumed. Caius went to Portia's house in the morning, hung around there all day, had pizza with Casca in the afternoons, dressed badly for free ice-cream in the evenings, and then went home to watch television, drank twelve bottles of fruit-juice, the healthier alternative to coke, then drank some coke anyway, as it wasn't as fizzy or deleterious on "heaven" as it is on earth.

The History channel would be watched till at least midnight, leading to a nine-hour sleep.

Or at least that was what the plan was.

Caius was watching "Augustus Caesar" happily. Re-runs of that movie were shown at least thrice a day, and he, Caius had always found the idea of Octavius, a mere teenager, being an emperor and killing millions of people highly amusing. But then – the all-famous fairy god-mom stepped into the room.

This, of course, scared Caius. Someone appearing out of nowhere (with a lot of smoke and sound effects) can be a little intimidating. He took five minutes to regain his cool and said, 'Hey, god-mom.'

'But what about Brutus?' the fairy sadly replied. She had wrinkles all around her eyes and looked ultra-depressesed.

'What about him?' Caius said, 'we are on talking terms and his friendship is enough for me. I value it above anything else.'

This caused the fairy godmother to raise her eyebrows sarcastically and say, 'just yesterday, you were all Brutus-Tity-Brutus-Tity…what now?'

'I am an independent person and do not need a man to help me live,' said Caius.

'You sound like a woman in her forties who wants to get married and have kids,' the fairy said pointedly.

'I am not a woman, and nor am I on my forties,' said Caius, 'and I do not want to get married and have kids. And nor do I sound like one.' But right after the words came out of his mouth, he started to feel doubtful.

'See, you're turning into a woman, and if you don't snap out of all this T.V watching and non-stop chocolate-chip-ice-cream eating, you'll just get fat.'

'I have consumed huge amounts of chocolates and other fattening things during both my lifetime and death' said Caius, patting his stomach proudly, 'and I am as skinny as ever. I could have easily been a super-model, but I prefer a normal life to a celebrity-life, fame, wealth, drugs and anorexia.'

'But you aren't doing anything,' the fairy godmother insisted, 'boredom never helps anyone. Your life needs a plot.'

'Cinna being Dr. Evil was plot enough,' said Caius, 'I need a quiet retired life, which I have rightfully earned.' Saying this he thrust a huge spoon into his bowl of ice-cream, took out a reasonable proportion of it, and tried swallowing the whole bit at once.

'You're still a kid,' said his godmother, 'and your mind, like your body, hasn't grown, matured, learnt anything or evolved for the past so many years. You were stuck in a box, and you can't live in retirement anymore. Snap out of it. You have a love life.'

That statement amused Cassius, 'who me?'

'Yes you. Titinius has gone now, but there's still-,'

'My best friend's husband,' said Caius, 'who was a teeny-weeny crush, like I've told you a million times.'

'You still need a life. You, baby, are dead.'

'Crushes and boyfriends,' said Caius wisely, 'only result in heartbreak.'

The godmother sighed, sat next to our hero, and took a huge chunk of ice-cream and decided to feed herself for a change.

_**A/N- Not too long, but I am just returning from a Maths exam and am not in the position to think (gaaaaaaaaaawd, trig sucks!!!)**_


	25. Chapter 24

**_A/N- It's me again. Thanks to those who reviewed._**

Caius yawned widely, and his godmother did the same next to him. The "Augustus" movie was still playing, and Caius' bowl was being refreshed with ice-cream continuously, about every ten minutes or so, from his freezer.

'What's with this movie anyway?' the fairy finally asked grumpily.

'That's Octavius,' Caius pointed out, 'he's a peevish schoolboy.'

'I'm bored,' said the fairy, 'lets play scrabble or chess or something.'

Caius was shocked at the mere idea, 'but that's so ew.'

'It'll be good for your brain, and will improve your vocabulary,' the fairy pointed out, flinching at the use of the word "ew", 'you're growing up now, and there's still room for improvement.'

'But I'm perfect,' insisted Caius.

'That statement only shows your immaturity and childishness,' said the fairy, 'now, I would suggest school-,'

'BUT BABIES GO TO SCHOOL!!!' screamed Caius, tears falling hard and fast from his eyes. "School" was one of those rare words that made him burst into tears upon simply hearing it. The other two words were "eggplant" and "knife".

'Its okay, Cas,' the fairy hurriedly said, afraid that she had hurt her god-son's feelings, 'now, there's absolutely no reason to cry…'

'The other kids make fun of me!' Caius screeched, his shrill voice penetrating into the quiet cold-night air.

'Good boys don't cry,' the fairy moaned, and then decided to change the subject. Caius' tears were falling on her brand-new dress and spoiling it. That's how huge his tears were. She took in a deep-breath and said, 'okay, let's go get more chocolate…'

Caius' tears vanished almost instantly, and he tried to smile. His face was still all blotchy from the crying, but he managed to stand up to get chocolate bars for himself and his god-mother from the kitchen.

While he was gone (for getting the chocolate), the fairy murmured to herself, 'how will I break it to him?'

-------------------------------------------

Portia and Brutus

'Mark,' said Portia, 'check out what's in this envelope…' she tore the pink and yellow envelope in her hands and read out,

'_Dear Marcus Brutus and Portia Catonis,_

_With the knowledge that you are growing and that your souls can now evolve and prepare themselves for your life on earth (which is where you shall be reborn after your time here ends), the Government has decided to finally do something with the taxes you pay._

_"Heavenly Veavenly School" is being launched, and will operate from next Tuesday at 56/4 "Palm and Coconut" Road, opposite the bank. All of you shall be put into the same classes, where you shall learn the following subjects:-_

_1. Compulsory_

_a. Mathematics (trigonometry, arithmetic, algebra, commercial mathematics, statistics, geometry and multiplication tables)_

_b. Chemistry_

_c. Biology_

_d. Physics_

_e. Literature_

_f. History_

_g. Geography_

_h. Environmental Studies (Save the ozone)_

_i. The adverse effects of smoking (Health class)_

_2. Optional (any two to be chosen)_

_a. Art_

_b. Physical Education_

_c. Music_

_d. Dance_

_e. Chinese/Japanese/French/Sanskrit/German_

_We would be obliged to your greatness forever if you came. We, are, of course, only joking; coming to school is both compulsory and necessary, and if you don't come, you will be uneducated and no one will talk to you._

_A free and nutritious lunch will be provided during the lunch-break._

_Yours faithfully,_

_Arushi_

_The big boss.'_

'So, I guess we'll have to go then,' said Brutus. Finally, something to do.

'This is so great,' said Portia happily, 'I can't wait to tell Cas, I wonder what subjects he will take.'

----------------------------------------------

Cassius

A cold cruel shriek pierced into the night. Someone had received his letter.

-------------------------------------------------

Tuesday

'I cannot believe I am actually going,' cried Caius. He was wearing the worst school uniform ever. A white shirt with grey trousers. And a blue tie. A horrible ugly blue tie. His hair had been washed and combed, and his shoes were highly polished. He looked so neat and clean that merely looking into the mirror made him feel nauseous and sick.

'I can't go, I have a fever. A million and one degrees,' said Caius, but his god-mother wasn't in the mood for listening.

'You will go and my decision is final,' she said.

'But this is just pure betrayal,' said Caius.

'No it isn't,' said the fairy, 'you need a good education, for which I, your legal guardian am responsible.'

'What if someone beats me u-?' he couldn't finish his sentence. The school bus had arrived and his god-mother quickly pushed him into it and handed him an apple and said, 'now be a good boy for me and eat that apple.'

He nodded, looking extremely surly, and tried to stop his eyes from leaking and pouring out litres of water like a broken tap. He already had a plan. If someone asked him why he was crying, he would but cleverly reply that there was something in his eye. The plan of the century…he prided himself for it.

But no one asked him why he was crying (at that particular moment), because the very next second he heard a roar.

'CAESAR CANNOT COME TO SCHOOL! HE IS TOO SMART!'

'No, Ju,' Antony tried to console him, as they both got on to the bus, 'education is a necessity.'

'Not for mighty Caesar-,'

Caius sucked in a huge breath of air to cover up his sobs, and hurried away from his enemies before they could see his pitiable condition.

'Cas, over here!' Portia called out from the back of the bus, where she, Brutus, and Casca were sitting, indicating the seat next to her. Caius grinned gratefully.

'Isn't this exciting?' she asked him, her eyes gleaming with anticipation.

'I don't know,' said Caius, shrugging nonchalantly, trying to cover up any emotion.

'Cassius, have you been crying?' asked Brutus, noticing his bloodshot eyes.

'Nah, something in my eye,' sniffled Caius.

Brutus still looked doubtful, but Caius tried to ignore that.

'Free lunch,' said Casca gloomily, 'the pamphlet said that it would be nutritious, and that's a definite no-no to pizza.'

'Yeah,' said Caius, and sat down between Portia and Casca.

'I think school was a brilliant idea,' said Portia, 'everyone is coming. I wonder who will teach us.'

'Shakespeare maybe,' Caius suggested, taking a large bite off his apple.

'He can't possibly teach everything,' said Portia, 'maybe just like one subject, or two.'

And the bus went on to school.

--------------------------------------------------

Period 1. Maths

The teacher walked in.

The teacher was a mechanical robot with framed spectacles and an Einstein wig. He looked extremely amusing, and had a metallic body, but not just a metallic body, he was made of the finest metal to be found in the universe, an alloy made of Arushium and Lalaium, two metals not found on the earth nor discovered by earthlings.

The children (eighteen year olds will be counted as kids, right?) gazed at him with awe and deep respect.

'Wow,' whispered Caius.

'My name,' said the robot in his automatic voice, 'is Professor Robo Dude, and I will be in charge of your Maths and Physics for this semester. I have been trained at Harvard and Oxford and every other university there is, so be warned, I am extremely intelligent. I do not tolerate disobedience and insubordination in my class, and can shoot you with my laser-eye, or one of the ten thousand guns loaded in my right arm,' he shot a hole into the ceiling simply to prove his point, 'however the principal, the _precious_ principal, of this stupid _precious_ educational-institution, does not allow this. He believes in love and understanding, and not in violence, which is my belief.'

'Cool,' said everyone, admiring his hair-do and bright red eye (the right one) and bright yellow eye (the left one).

'Last warnings everyone,' the robot mechanically continued, 'the word "cool" is not tolerated in this class.'

'Wow,' his class chorused.

'And nor is "wow",' said the robot, shooting yet another hole into the ceiling.

'Dude,' screamed a kid as loudly as his scrawny neck would allow, 'that is, like, so awesome!'

This infuriated the Robot to such an extent that his right leg fell off. A mechanic was called to repair it and the class was dismissed and allowed to play on the playground with the see-saws and swings.

-------------------------------------------------

Period 2. Chemistry

The class quickly found seats. Portia sat with Brutus, Casca with Caius, Titinius with Octavius, and the famous Caesar with Antony.

'Hello?' Lepidus cried out, 'I EXIST!!!!!' but no one sat next to him, but then he found a really pretty blond girl from some other Shakespearean play, sat next to her, and stuck his tongue out at Antony and Octavius.

A very motherly looking robot walked into the class. She had a curly blond wig and pillows stuffed inside her clothes to give her the "fat" look. Her eyes were sparkly blue and very clearly and carelessly drawn with a cheap glitter pen.

'My name,' said the robot kindly, 'is Mrs. GoluMolu, and I will be teaching you the extremely interesting subject of chemistry this ENTIRE semester.' She seemed to be filled till the brim with glee and anticipation. The very idea of teaching so many children made her want to shriek with joy. But, however, wanting to keep her dignity, she didn't.

'Now class,' she went on. Her voice wasn't one bit mechanical like their previous teacher's, but soft and womanly, 'isn't this exciting?'

The children, who had been expecting someone like their previous professor, were upset to see that the new teacher wasn't half as cool. Fat, salty tears of disappointment were pouring out of poor Antony's eyes, and he, once more, had to borrow his friend's frilly pink handkerchief to keep himself under control. Caius was staring at the teacher in pure shock, the old teacher had been so _awesome, _this one had two eyes of the exact same colour, even if they were of different sizes. Portia was staring at her through narrowed eyes and Brutus with bored ones. Casca was already asleep.

'Now,' said the teacher, oblivious to her student's disinterest, 'I love you all equally and prefer not to have favourites-,'

This statement disappointed Octavius to a great extent, he was already making plans in his head on how to woo the teacher and get on her good side.

'But that does not mean,' she continued, 'that you are exempted from doing the daily homework that I give you, and that you will not revise everything I teach you once you go back home, because your exams are just round the corner-,'

'That's a silly thing to say on the first day,' Caius pointed out to Casca, but then realizing that his friend was asleep, decided not to disturb him.

'And I expect you to perform very well in them,' she said, trying to open her eyes wide in order to make herself look scary. It is needless to say that she didn't manage, seeing how her eyes were drawn and not one bit real, 'and if you fail to live up to my expectations, you will all get a GOOD smacking!'

Portia managed to roll her eyes, as Brutus looked nervously at her hard metallic hands. Caius yawned very widely and openly, and Casca remained asleep. Titinius stared at the teacher, as if daring her to smack him, and Octavius decided that he had to woo this teacher; if not on her good side, he was a goner. Antony mouthed a "wow", and decided that he did like this teacher after all (Cleopatra kept throwing the teacher jealous looks…was that wretched machine trying to steal her boyfriend?), and Caesar just smiled; no one could defeat the great Caesar, let alone smack him.

'Now!' she barked, snapping out of her motherly nature at once, as that was exactly what she was programmed to do, 'open your books to page a million and ten-thousand and one!'

The class opened their books, and in the meantime the teacher took the pillows out from under her clothes and threw them into the bin. She was stick thin and an anorexic. The pillows had been to put the class off their guard so that she could suddenly jump out of her shell and scare them.

Little did she know that she could never beat Prof. Robo Dude, her number one rival.

'We have opened our books,' the class announced.

'Good children,' she said, then paused, then continued, 'I was lying. You are not good, and shall never be, unless you get sufficient marks in the forthcoming exams, which I highly doubt.'

This amused the class, and Cleopatra let out a shrill giggle.

'Have you something to say, Missy Egypt?' the robot turned to Cleopatra.

'I think you are _so_ silly,' said the once-monarch-of-Egypt, standing up and tossing her shiny black hair behind her, 'you think you can charm my boyfriend, you think that we, that is, I, cannot live up to, what do you call them – your "expectations". My my, you are so _stupid. _You think you know everything about chemistry; well, I can spend ten million sesterces on a dinner, I bet I can.' **_(Go down to A/N, extra stuff - 1.)_**

'Whatever,' said the robot, 'I neither know nor care to know what a sesterce is, and you should better respect your teacher. I care not whether you were queen, king, princess or the Pope of Egypt, I want you to pay attention in my class.'

'My bet!' shrieked Cleopatra.

'She's gonna order a cup of strong vinegar, dissolve her pearl in it, and drink it. TA DA!' said Antony, who had lost more than once to this bet.

'Whatever Mr. Antony,' said the teacher, giving him a soft smile nevertheless.

Cleopatra jumped at her and clawed at her like a cat. She was pushed off, and then she glared at Antony. Someone was going to do the dishes for the rest of his life. He had told the teacher about her "vinegar plan" and had allowed her to flirt with him.

Antony sighed, why was his girlfriend so possessive? She had slept with Caesar, and had had a son with him, and he not once complained. ('That was different!' shrieked Cleopatra that very night after they were home.) **_(Go down to A/N, extra stuff - 2.)_**

Cleopatra walked with her head held high to her seat. Damn that wretched thing that called itself a teacher! Damn its nerves!

Antony spared a moment to take his eyes of the black-board to look at his Egyptian monarchical girlfriend; she looked so pretty when angry, with all that heat radiating from her.

'Now,' said the teacher, 'I see you have opened your books. Well, read what you've opened already!'

After they had read it, the teacher explained what they had just read, and they, obviously, didn't understand a word of her explanation. Ten pages of homework were set up.

The bell rang, she left, and Cleopatra growled in her cat-like way behind her back.

**_A/N- I know, Robo Dude rocks!!!! And GoluMolu means "round", even though she's really thin._**

_**And do tell me if you find any mistakes in this chapter, because I sense there might be.**_

_**EXTRA STUFF-**_

**_1. There are a number of unverifiable but famous stories about Cleopatra, of which one of the best known is that, at one of the lavish dinners she shared with Antony, she playfully bet him that she could spend ten million sesterses on a dinner. He accepted the bet. The next night, she had a conventional, unspectacular meal served; he was ridiculing this, when she ordered the second course — only a cup of strong vinegar. She then removed one of her priceless pearl earrings, dropped it into the vinegar, allowed it to dissolve, and drank the mixture._**

**_2. Cleopatra became the supreme ruler of Egypt, consummated a liaison with Gaius Julius Caesar that solidified her grip on the throne, and, after Caesar's assassination, aligned with Mark Antony, with whom she produced twins. In all, Cleopatra had four children, one by Caesar (Caesarion) and three by Antony (Cleopatra Selene, Alexander Helios, Ptolemy Philadelphus)._**

_**(Information taken from wikipedia)**_


	26. Chapter TWO MILLION AND SEVENTYFOUR

**_A/N- It's me again. This idea of school was so weird, I know, but it kinda just popped into my head and I simply HAD to write it down. If this goes on, my story will never end. It was originally not supposed to exceed twenty chapters, but the ending never seems to come!_**

**_And if you're wondering, no, I haven't read "Antony and Cleopatra", but take stuff out of it anyway._**

**_And here is how this school works. A particular class sits in only ONE classroom, and teachers enter and leave the class, while the class stays in its stationary place. The teachers come into the classrooms when they have to teach and the students only leave their classrooms during break. Okay, I'm getting a little repetitive. Here's what the timetable is like-_**

_**1. period one**_

_**2. period two**_

_**3. period three**_

_**4. Cookie break (my own marvellous invention)**_

_**5. period four**_

_**6. period five**_

_**7. Lunch break**_

_**8. period six**_

**_9. period seven _**

_**10. period eight**_

_**One period lasts half an hour, Cookie break lasts fifteen minutes, and lunch break half an hour. Lucky kids, I just get a twenty minute break…**_

_**So, here's the next chapter.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

As the next teacher was being waited for, Portia decided to impress everyone by lifting a really big table with one finger (she has super powers, remember?). No one quite noticed her, because they were busy with more important matters, like throwing things (chalk and dusters) around the class or trying to hit ten to twenty people with a single paper-ball.

Instead of the biology teacher, Shakespeare walked right in.

'No no,' he said, 'I am not here for teaching. I am the principal of this school and have an announcement.'

'Boooooooooooo!' said the class.

'It's that a single classroom cannot hold the thousands of you people,' said Shakespeare, 'so we have decided to construct many classrooms. You all will be divided by the plays you are in.

'You will get your time-tables and locations at the end of today,' Shakespeare continued, 'so, till then, goodbye.'

He walked out, leaving the class in chaos.

'Does that mean,' Portia asked, walking back to her seat, 'that it's just going to be us, and the Julius Caesar guys in a single class?'

'That's what the boss said,' said Caius.

'So, that'll be,' Brutus started to count on his fingers, 'one, two, three…eight kids in our class?'

'You're forgetting the Roman citizens, and the other conspirators and people, Bru,' Caius told him, 'there'll be an entire city in this class-,'

His sentence, however, was disrupted by Antony's scream.

'BUT WHERE DO I GO!!!!' he bellowed, 'THEY CANNOT SEPARATE ME FROM CLEOPATRA AND JOOOO!'

'It's better not to have attachments,' Octavius wisely stated.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' shrieked Antony, pulling both his girlfriend and best friend into a tight hug.

'Its okay, Mark Antony,' said Cleopatra, disgruntled with her lover's pathetic behaviour, 'we were getting along pretty fine even without school.'

Antony started to sob uncontrollably, and made Cleopatra swear, at least twenty thousand and three times, that she would be with him forever, and would never leave him or try to seduce Octavius or Caesar or any other powerful and influential person.

'Okay, I promise,' said Cleopatra, 'I love you more than Julius, I had one only kid with him and three with you; does not that prove my love?'

'Waaaaaaaaaaah!' cried Antony. Caesar quickly handed him his favourite handkerchief.

'Or Octavius,' continued Cleopatra, 'he didn't fall for me, no matter how hard I tried.' To Octavius, she mouthed, 'How gay are you?'

'BUT YOU TRIED!' shrieked Antony.

Caius pulled out some cotton from his pockets (which he always kept in case of emergencies) and passed it around so that everyone had something to stuff into their ears.

But at that very moment, the Biology teacher arrived. He was a man, a real man and not a robot.

'I may look like a man,' said the teacher, 'but I am an illusion created by that weird black thing at the back of the class. Too many robots get boring.'

Everyone turned around to look at "that weird black thing". It stood there, big, black and shiny, reflecting all the light that came upon it. It was also very ugly.

'I am in charge of your biology,' said the teacher, 'and I will teach you the very basics in this class. Everything is made of cells.'

'Wow,' gasped the class. They meant it sarcastically, of course, but illusions, like the teacher that stood in front of the class, do not understand the very beauty of sarcasm.

'Thank you, children,' he said.

'Your welcome!' This statement was, of course, also sarcastic.

'I should introduce myself, I believe,' said the teacher, 'I have no name, for illusions normally don't. You can refer to me as simply Professor, or "that weird teacher who isn't even real", for that is what most call me. I have dark brown hair and brown eyes. I have a blue tie, grey pants, and a buttoned yellow shirt. I am also surprisingly handsome for someone unreal.'

The class' comments grew more and more sarcastic as time passed, and towards the end of the class, the teacher had tears of joy in his eyes, 'You are so much nicer than I thought you would be.'

Just before he had faded away, he had nearly dissolved in his tears. But that could also have been the effects they used to make him disappear. Illusions always disappear in the end, and usually with innumerable effects. Very cool ones.

Then it was break.

There was a rush towards the playground, where everyone got free cookies and milk. Most people drained their milk down the drain, and took extra cookies.

Portia, Brutus, Caius and Casca headed towards the swings.

'I so love school,' said Portia.

'Bleah,' said Caius.

'Schools okay,' said Brutus, shrugging as if to say he had no opinion.

Casca was still asleep, and had only managed to reach the swings through sleep-walking.

'Ahh,' said Portia, 'I need the loo, I would've asked one of you to accompany me, but you're all guys, so well, see you. I'll be back in ten minutes.'

And she was gone.

Caius and Brutus looked nervously at each other **_(A/N - I am listening to "Nothing at all" by Ronan Keating right now. Lalalala….)_**

'What honestly did you think of school?' Caius asked, giving an involuntary blush, wishing that the stupid author wouldn't listen to romantic songs while writing about him.

'It's okay,' said Brutus, 'we used to go to school too in Rome, though I don't remember it.'

'You were, like, a little baby,' said Caius, grinning, and thinking - turn that stupid song off, you freakin' author!

'I was only a little younger than you,' said Brutus.

'Five years seemed so much when we were young,' said Caius.

'I know,' said Brutus.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Cassius' POV

I don't know what to say now. Portia is so easy to talk to, but look at Brutus. He makes you wonder what the author's problem is.

'School was a weird idea though,' I say, not admitting that I had cried my heart out this morning over it. It was scary at first, but I guess its okay now, since I have my friends with me.

'I wonder what'll happen when we go back to earth,' says Brutus, 'now that I think of it, I'm scared.'

'It'll be alright,' I say, consoling him like he's a stupid two-year old.

'How can you be so sure?' asks Brutus, 'I've gotten used to this place.'

'Nothing's constant and you know it,' I say, 'there's nothing we can do to stop the continuation of our lives.'

'And where did you get all this wisdom from?'

'My god-mother told me,' I say, 'she said that keeping us here would be more like punishing us. We'd never grow or understand anything, like the purpose of life, and how to attain Nirvana.'

'But I honestly don't want to leave this.'

'That's what we think now,' I say, 'remember when we thought we'd never see each other again? At the battle of Phillipi? I thought it was our final goodbye, but it wasn't. And when our time here ends, because time always seems to be too short, I know it won't be the last time I see you. Maybe on earth, or maybe in death even, maybe a million, maybe a billion years later we shall meet. Because no matter how cruel the universe may be, it will not, it can not, take you away from me. It didn't when it had its chance **_(A/N – Don't you think you should be thanking someone for this, Cassius?????)_**, and it won't now.'

'You think?'

'I think. When we died last time, our lives only became better. We thought we would die, but now I understand, there's no such thing as death. We just see things from a different perspective. We cried over things that never matter, when on earth, but tell me Brutus, from here, do those things seem even the tiniest bit significant? In a way yes, they affected history, and changed us; we're not whom we used to be, but in a way they don't matter, because now, it's just history; none of it really happened, it was all an illusion.'

'Um, what?'

'I don't know, Bru. I'm just trying to say that you'll never leave me, and I don't have words for it, really, Brutus, I don't. It'll always be either your presence or memories that will be next to me, and they, or you will give me strength and guidance, and I will know that I can never be on the losing side because I have _noble _Brutus by my side.'

Brutus gives me a small smile at the use of the word "noble". I grin right back.

'You used to be _noble _Brutus,' I say, 'and you still are, and you always will be. The people of Rome changed their opinion from "noble" to "not noble", but my view of you has always been the same, I've always given you the respect that I believe you deserve, and I've always thought of you as a good, erm, friend.' I don't express all that I feel inside.

'Um, thank you?'

'It's okay,' I say, 'you don't have to say anything. Your silence seems much wiser than your words, or at least to me it does.'

I've always looked at you as my guiding light Brutus, and I have always felt more for you than I have expressed, I have done more than simply respected you, I have loved you ever since I laid eyes on you, and mysteriously, even before that. We knew each other since even before we met each other at Rome; we've known each other for eternity, though you might not remember that. We were created together, at the very beginning of time, and we were destined to spend all of eternity together. I know, Marcus Junius Brutus, I can feel it.

---------------------------------------------------------

Brutus' POV

Why is Cassius making me feel so stupid?

-----------------------------------------------------------

Portia walked back to the swings, where Brutus and Caius were staring hopelessly at each other. Casca was still peacefully asleep.

'Hem, hem,' coughed Portia.

'Wha-er-hi?' said Brutus, snapping out of his dream-like phase at once.

Caius stared at the sand on the floor, feeling as guilty as a man was capable of feeling. He could almost _feel_ the fairy god-mother laughing loudly, wherever she was (in his head probably…he realized with a jolt that she was also his conscience and could read his mind.).

'I am back,' Portia announced.

'We noticed,' said Caius, and then, unable to think of anything else to say, spat out, 'I need more cookies.'

The teachers had finally gotten pissed of giving extra cookies to everyone there was, and had announced cruelly that no more cookies would be given out, no matter how many tears were shed.

'I knew you'd want more,' said Portia, 'I saved you one.' She conjured a cookie out of her pocket and handed it to her friend, who happily took it and swallowed it whole within a fraction of a second.

'I want more,' he said, and quickly stole Casca's cookies while he was asleep. He couldn't miss what he never knew existed, Caius wisely thought.

'What now?' Portia asked.

'You mean, like, what do we do?' Caius asked.

Portia nodded, as Brutus suggested, 'hopscotch.'

Brutus' horrific idea, was, of course, ignored, so the three just talked about crazy random things, like whether the Power puff girls were real or not; the discussion of the year.

The bell rang, school resumed.

The next period was literature, for which Shakespeare himself walked into the class.

'I am going to teach you literature,' he said, 'which is a good thing, because I am going to teach you what I wrote!'

A writer teaching his own works; that could get interesting.

'It is your lucky day, Julius Caesar characters,' he said, 'for I am going to teach you a play about yourselves.'

This cheered Caius up, who said, 'yay!'

The play, however, was extremely complex. Insane complicated words (probably Latin) popped out of nowhere, and the only person who understood what was being said was Brutus. Caius scratched his head and bit his nails, and Portia repeated the wonderful word, 'what?' every two minutes or so.

'But who is Flavius?' Caius asked, 'and does that cobbler guy have a mental disorder?'

'What's a tribunal?' Portia wondered.

'Republics rule,' thought Brutus, imagining people voting. He did this all the time, and it had, till date, never failed to cheer him up.

Titinius fingered his tie, wondering when his role would come, and Octavius was just grumpy.

'Julius Caesar! Phooey!' he thought, 'This play should have been named "Augustus".'

He raised his hand.

'Yes?' said Shakespeare.

'Can you explain the significance of the title?' he said.

'Well,' said Shakespeare, checking the guide-book, 'um, ah…here it is. It's because Julius Caesar is the force that keeps this play driven. His ghost-,'

'But I win in the end,' argued Octavius.

'No, no, Caesar's spirit wins-,' said Shakespeare, but this time, he was interrupted by Caius, who was of the opinion that the play should have been named after him.

'I mean,' he said, 'I started the conspiracy after all. I let Brutus lead because I, um, was nice.'

'I think it should be named, "Portia, daughter of Cato, wife of Brutus",' said Portia very seriously.

'No way, "Augustus",' Octavius said, puffing his chest out, 'for I won-,'

'Caesar's spirit-,' began Shakespeare.

'WITH ATE HOT AND ALL THAT, BY HIS SIDE, RAGING FOR REVENGE!' Antony cried, 'CIVIL WAR! MOTHER'S INFANTS QUARTERED AT THE HANDS OF WAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

'Ew,' said Portia, aghast at Antony's words, 'that's _disgusting_!!!! You foul-mouthed bast-,'

Cleopatra chucked a duster at Portia's head for insulting her boyfriend, and then said, 'it should be called "Antony and Cleo-," no "Cleopatra and Antony", no less.'

'But I already have a play after you,' said poor Shakespeare.

'And you weren't even in this play! I was the most influential woman in it!' snapped Portia, 'you were only sleeping with Caesar in the background.'

'So?' said Cleopatra, 'I was one of the main reasons you guys, the conspirators, killed him!'

Brutus said something about an adder and the sun, and about a ladder and climbing.

Julius Caesar said something about the pole star.

Chaos flourished in class, and more dusters, chalk, and paper-balls were thrown, at each other, at the big black ugly thing at the back of the class, at the teacher, at everything ever.

Shakespeare was so relieved when the bell rang, he sighed such a great sigh that the air that came out of his nose blew Octavius' funny hat like thing (was it a crown, coronet, or simply stupid leaves?) out of the window.

**_A/N- I wasn't feeling particularly funny today, because I had to make a Maths project in two days. The other classes (class nine has four sections. By other classes, I mean, other sections. One section has about forty-eight kids) had gotten it before the winter vacations, but our teacher FORGOT to give it to us, and remembered after the final exams ended, and told us to make it in two days. TWO DAYS, I TELL YOU!!!! that's why there's not much humour in this; I was nervous about the crappy project. _**

**_And why won't this story end? If it continues till when my school starts, when I'll be the busiest person alive, not getting even one hour free a day, chapter's will come out at a very very slow pace. I must finish this before the first of April somehow. Stupid freakin' board year._**

**_And yes, I hate milk and love cookies. If you believe that its wrong to waste food and were seriously offended about everyone draining their milk, then, it's just a story!!!! No big deal!!!_**

**_Tell me if you find mistakes. (Please please please)_**

_**Review now.**_


	27. Chapter 26

_**CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX**_

**_A/N (yes, I love talking about myself) - why am I late? Because Report Card day was approaching, and I was so scared, I wasn't able to write out of nervousness. My marks have come out now, and they were, um, better than expected - decent enough 80 percent. Now I'm in the tenth standard! Yay! Actually, no, NOOOO!_**

_**I do like this story and all, but why won't it end? Oh, and you can check out my updated profile if you want.**_

**_This chapter was difficult to write, it isn't funny, its just really weird, and an attempt to end a till forever stretching story, which I cannot afford. It may have mistakes, do tell me if you find any. Thanks in advance._**

Days passed faster than they ever had, as Caius and everyone else realized how short time was.

New classrooms were built, and because of Antony's huge fuss, the characters of "Julius Caesar" and "Antony and Cleopatra" had to be kept in the same classroom. Most of the teacher's were the biology teacher, the illusion, in different types of colourful wigs.

'You know,' said the fairy god-mom one day, interrupting Caius while he was completing his Math homework, 'you should maintain a diary.'

'What?' Caius looked shocked, 'I can't cope with all this stupid coursework, and here you are, suggesting a dairy!'

'I think it's a good idea,' said the fairy, 'helps you keep in touch with your feelings.'

'About Bru you mean?' Caius looked up from his homework, 'and about Robo Dude.'

'ROBO DUDE?'

'I was joking,' said Caius, getting back to his homework. Hmm…what was two plus two?

'Yes,' said the fairy, 'this way you won't always be bursting with emotion, as you are now. Look at the state of you, Brutus this, Brutus that, Brutus blah blah blah.'

'I do not talk about him like that!' said Caius, shocked 'and I do not like him!'

'You cannot lie to me,' said the fairy.

'The exams are coming,' said Caius, quoting his chemistry teacher, and tying to change the topic of conversation. The first term examination was two months away.

'Two months is not that far away, now take my suggestion, and make a diary. I say it for your own good.'

'Right, fine,' what was the point in arguing anyway? A diary couldn't do him any harm, and writing was fun!

'Two plus two is four, by the way.'

----------------------------------------------------------

Later

Two months came and went.

Caius bit his pencil and pondered over the last question of the last exam of that term.

"Q. 6987. If a man has two apples, and he buys two more, how many apples does he finally have?"

Caius scratched his head. What was two plus two again? He knew the answer…why couldn't he remember it?

_This, Cassius, think, _he told himself, wishing the answer would come to him. He could see Brutus steadily counting on his fingers on the seat before his.

Caius shrugged and quickly scribbled a "five" onto his answer sheet. He looked carefully at it, shrugged again, carefully crossed the "five" out with a "ten-thousand-four-hundred-and-twenty-two" and moved on to the next question.

Then the bell rang.

The exam finally ended, and there was to be a party at Caius' home sweet home.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Half an hour later

Balloons flew all over Caius' flat, green, yellow, red, blue, and purple. Caius, Brutus, Portia, and Casca helped themselves to chocolate cookies made by the fairy godmother.

Brutus suddenly burst out, 'I kinda need the washroom.'

The fairy showed him the way. Caius noticed her eyes gleaming in an evil way. A very very evil way. After she had led him and was back, she walked into the kitchen, with a slight smile on her ecstatic face. Caius followed her.

'What did you do?' he asked suspiciously.

'Who me?' said the fairy, 'I led him to your bathroom, because he needed it.'

'I sense something bad will happen,' said Caius, 'and that you are partially responsible.'

'Not me, sweetheart,' said the fairy, trying to smile sympathetically, but letting out a shrill giggle instead, 'you're the one who left your diary on the bed, wide open, free for everyone to see.'

'OH SHIT!' as he said the words Caius could hear Brutus' scream ringing in his ears.

'Oh no,' breathed Caius, 'oh no…no…no.'

-------------------------------------------------------------

Caius ran to the room, quickly telling Portia that it was a fake spider in the bathroom that was the cause of Brutus' screaming.

'Yeah, he's terrified of spiders,' Portia had said.

Caius opened the room and burst through the door, 'YOU…DIDN'T….READ????'

Brutus' face was white and panic stricken. 'What? I didn't mean to sorry…I shouldn't have read…it was open, I was curious, so I thought-,' he stopped, pausing, wondering what to say.

'What did you read?' Caius said. Like it mattered, there wasn't a line in that diary which did not talk about Brutus. There might've been one line, which mentioned Robo Dude, but Caius highly doubted that that was the line that Brutus had read for some reason.

'Is this true?' Brutus asked.

Caius didn't say anything, and his silence was answer enough to Brutus' question.

'You didn't tell me,' said Brutus.

'How could I?' Caius asked, 'you wouldn't understand.'

'But, Cassius,' Brutus cried, 'I never – thought - you would - feel so - deeply-,' his words were placed after short pauses, his brain didn't seem to be working, his breathing was out of control, and sweat fell, drop by drop, from of his forehead.

'I'm sorry, alright!' Caius cried. How could his godmother have let this happen? Did she not have any morals at all? Why was she out to get him? He hadn't done anything to her, and she had tricked him into maintaining a journal to record his feelings about Brutus, knowing that Brutus would read those very feelings one day, and then he wouldn't be able to lie about them anymore. If she thought that that would bring them together, she was so wrong. How could she forget that Portia was his best friend? How could she be so careless? She could have easily hid Caius' diary while Brutus was doing whatever he had to in the bathroom, and he never would have read it. But no, she had to let him read it, and then insist that it was Caius' fault, because he had left his diary there. He thought that she had decided to turn into a good person, but she hadn't…she had shown her true colours, she would do anything to expose his feelings. He shouldn't have trusted her with anything, he should have known.

'There's nothing to be sorry for,' said Brutus, still in a state of shock, with eyes wide open, staring deeply into Caius', unable to think of anything, 'its not your fault, you're only being honest, oh, Cassius, Cassius, I don't know , I can't understand, how, why you felt like this…since when?'

'Ever since time,' whispered Caius.

'Don't, Cassius,' said Brutus.

'I'm sorry.'

'I-Cassius,' Brutus hung his head, 'I don't know what to say - Cassius, I don't.'

'Brutus, you-,'

'How did I not realize?' Brutus said, his eyes were starting to redden now, 'you showed it, you made it so obvious.'

'I didn't mean to,'

'Cassius,' said Brutus, now taking in deep breaths to calm himself down, 'your words, Cassius, you always, you always _hinted, _that you -,'

'Brutus, please, please, please,' Caius said, 'just try to forget everything you read…it doesn't mean anything.'

'Doesn't mean anything?' Brutus cried, 'look it this? It's the most passionate thing I've ever read! And for me, me…Cassius.'

'Its for you,' said Caius, 'but that doesn't matter, I can live through a crush, you, Bru, you're married, to Portia, and she's great.'

'I suppose so,' said Brutus, 'but I can't believe that you could, that you would, write this, for me of all people. For me, I mean…'

He stopped, lost for words. His eyes pleaded with Caius' to say something, to complete his unfinished sentence, to provide meaning to his meaningless life.

'Brutus, don't think about it, there's no point. Nothing will come out of it, nothing.'

Brutus didn't reply. He left the room, Caius stared behind him.

Brutus' POV

I cannot believe Cassius had feelings this strong. The diary entry had been like -

"_Dear diary,_

_Today Brutus looked so good. Not that he ever doesn't look good, but this time he looked particularly more handsome than his usual self. It was so difficult to not blush while he smiled a "hi" at me. His dark hair and eyes, like I have so many times told you, perfectly match his features and his personality._

_If he knew what all was going on inside my head while I was looking at him, he would freak out and run away. Don't get me wrong, no bad thoughts were in my head, just really long, stupid sounding passionate speeches. They made me feel like an idiot. Speeches always do._

_If Brutus knew what he meant to me…-,"_

I can't even bear to think of the rest of it, because, gosh, it was _scary. _I didn't know anyone could write like that, I mean, like, wow.

I tell myself to not think about it, but that's only asking for the impossible. After reading all that, I doubt anything will ever be the same, me and Cassius will never be able to face each other again…so that's why he wasn't talking to me, because of his stupid feelings. And he probably started to talk again because he had managed to control them by writing them down. I should have known, he always listened to me, and never to me, not once, has he even said, "No." I thought it was because he simply respected me and my decisions, but it's not because of _only _that, its because he simply doesn't have the strength to refuse me…or so his diary said. I don't know what I'll tell Portia, maybe its better I shut up; I don't want an end to Portia's and Cassius' friendship.

I walk out the door, looking miserable (obviously). Portia is on Cassius' computer.

'What are you doing?' I ask, trying to sound casual.

It doesn't work, because Portia notices my cracked voice and says, 'something wrong?'

'No, just the-,'

'Spider,' Cassius quickly says, coming out of the room. He's biting his lower lip, and its good Portia's eyes are on the computer, because it can clearly be seen that he is lying.

'Really, Mark,' says Portia, 'they won't eat you, you know.'

'Yeah,' I say, 'what are you doing?'

'It's for a school project,' she says, 'I'm researching my family history.'

'Family history?' I repeat, 'like, mommy, daddy?'

'And my family tree…oh, Mark, you're in it!'

Cassius is running into the kitchen now, and he's yelling at his godmother…

'I'm in it?' I repeat.

Cassius' screams can be heard. I hope I haven't caused too much harm by reading that diary. Portia seems to be deaf to his screams; she isn't that good a listener.

'Yes, you're like…um, my cousin?'

'We're related?'

'Brutus, you're like, my _brother, _how come you never told me?'

'I'm your cousin, not your brother.' Cassius is yelling the word "Why?" repeatedly now.

'Cousins are brothers in a way,' says Portia, apparently more shocked than I am at this piece of information.

'Mark,' she says, 'this means…that if we have children, they'll end up like the Gaunts.'

'Gaunts?'

'They were a family, and they were CRAZY, they married their cousins to preserve blood purity…and their descendants were, um, well, their eyes stared in opposite directions. **_(A/N - OMG! I just had another brainwave on why Portia and Brutus will break up, and its not ONLY because they are cousins. Why didn't I think of it before? I hope these notes in the middle of nowhere aren't too irritating.)_** I also think they were, slightly, I dunno, retarded.'

'Yeah, but that won't happen to us?'

'I sure hope not.'

_**A/N – Short? I know, I wasn't in a mood to write, plus, I cannot figure out how to end this and stuff? This is getting difficult. Anyway, people, review. **_


	28. Chapter 27

_**A/N- Yes, I'm alive.**_

On Cassius' table lay a letter.

"_Dear Cassius,_

_Hi. Erm. This is the person who is writing this writing. My computer wasn't working for some reason, and when it started, the internet wasn't, so I don't really know what is happening in this story I am writing and who is love with whom. And on top of that, I have loads of homework and studying to do, and life kinda sucks. Okay, that's an understatement; I have MILLIONS of projects and NO internet connection. And these marks are gonna be added, you know, to the marks in my finals, given by the stupid council. Whoever said that the BOARD year is very easy is very stupid. It makes ninth grade look like cake. And everyone keeps telling me that my freakin' career depends on this. How much does that suck? And I don't even get proper holidays._

_Therefore, accept my apologies. I shall not base this chapter on you (don't know what is going on with this story, I have a bad memory, though I do remember someone called RoboDude), but on something else. Like Antony or something. Is shall finish this story in my lifetime, however._

_-the author,_

_Arushi."_

-----------------------------------------

Today was a very special day. Today was a local singing competition, and the triumvirate, because of their extreme importance and ability to damn people with the help of a pen and get them murdered effortlessly (that too in an unbelievingly cool way) were invited to judge. Antony's chest swelled up with pride every time he thought of the honour and the glory of being judge and watching people sing for free.

'It must have been because of my looks,' boasted Antony to Cleopatra and Julius who, in his living room, were sitting on a large, pink, comfy sofa, much too close to be up to any good. Antony, however, did not notice and continued, 'I know, I am too sexy to not have been a judge. I was bound to have been invited. I have my charms, and people fall for them, and this fact barely surprises me.' Saying this he tried to straighten his red curls. Nothing happened.

'It also looks as if I've finally beaten Ju at something,' Antony continued immodestly after a long pause. Cleopatra seemed to realize that Antony's words had a point, because she took her one arm off Caesar. The other arm remained curled around his shoulder in a seemingly friendly way.

'And now,' Antony said, after straightening his tie, 'I must go. Aren't you coming to watch me?'

'Oh no,' said Cleopatra quickly, 'I feel sick.'

'And I have a very high fever,' said Caesar, and to prove his point he took out a thermometer which he placed in a hot cup of tea just two minutes earlier.

'You're only jealous,' said Antony, looking very silly indeed with a toga and a tie wrapped carelessly around his body, a briefcase in one hand, and a feather (not a quill, a plain feather) that he used for writing in the other.

'I'm only not feeling well,' said Caesar.

Antony shrugged and left the house, a bad feeling following him. He wondered why Cleopatra was giggling very loudly inside. (Her voice wasn't exactly what you could define as quiet.)

On stepping out of the house, Antony immediately met Octavius, who was very quick to remind him that Lepidus was a tried and valiant soldier.

'So is my horse,' sighed Antony, wagging his finger, 'so is my horse.'

'I rather like your horse,' said Octavius, referring to Antony's pink stuffed unicorn called Martha. Antony kept Martha with himself at all times, for a reason he referred to as "gives me good luck". Martha was inside his big black briefcase at the present time.

'She is a valiant soldier,' said Antony, 'and I give her fodder.' By "fodder", Antony had obviously meant, "sugar cubes and sweetened apple and plum".

-----------------------------------------------

The competition had started. The park, which was hosting the competition, had been decorated with colourful and ridiculously expensive balloons, which all floated up and away into the endless sky in a matter of twenty seven and 452765/90000000 seconds.

Antony, Octavius and Lepidus were seated at a table at the far middle of the park in front of an extremely small, dirty, patched carpet on which the contestants were supposed to stand on one leg and sing.

'It tests their guts and will power,' Octavius, who had thought of thought of the rule which involved the standing on a single leg, explained to an unlistening crowd, 'apart from amusing an extremely hard to please, or choosy, audience, which is, of course our main aim.'

The two or three people in the crowd who had been, for some reason, listening to Octavius' words tried not to look overly happy at understanding their importance in the competition without even having to participate. Indeed, one girl was struggling so hard not to smile, she had been forced to stick her mouth together with the stickiest cello tape available in the universe; she did not want to look vain.

Octavius winked at the girl. She fainted. It is, after all, rather intimidating to have a super-duper first ever Roman emperor, who shaped our modern world, after whom the eighth month in the solar calendar has been named, winking at you. But seeing how that girl was not very well versed in history, she may have had probably fainted simply due to Octavius' good looks.

'Peevish schoolboy,' Caius hissed into Portia's ear.

Octavius winked at Cassius, who too fainted. ('He has a month named after him!' Caius explained hastily the next day, 'and he's really famous.')

Grinning stupidly, Octavius went and seated himself comfortably between Antony and Lepidus on a large purple sofa with a very shiny table placed in front of it. On the table, saw Octavius, lay a sheet of paper on which Lepidus was (with his eyebrows knitted together in concentration) drawing a cartoon-picture of a very handsome face on top of a lean muscular body. The words "Lepidus" were written on top of sheet, and hence, Octavius was forced to assume that Lepidus was trying to draw a picture of himself.

Octavius opened his mouth in order to tell Lepidus that the picture was neither realistic nor accurate, that not even in the smallest way did the drawing's features match Lepidus', but stopped himself in fear of hurting the other man's feelings; he was, after all, putting enormous effort into that absurd drawing.

The first contestant came. Who he/she was, Octavius did not see, for he was busy checking whether the legs were out of place, deciding how many marks he should cut for each time the legs wobbled. Then, he wondered how much he would have to exercise to get his own legs that skinny. _Maybe you could puke after you eat something fattening, _he told himself, _or get a plastic surgery. _He thought of the pros and cons of plastic surgery for the next five minutes or so.

And the contestant stopped singing. The audience stared pointedly at the triumvirate for fifteen minutes or so, and it was then that it hit Octavius that he and the other two were supposed to judge the singing. He looked to the right of himself, where Antony was fast asleep, his head lying on the table, drool tricking out of the corner of his mouth on to the sheet where he was supposed to write marks next to the contestant's name. Then he looked to the left of himself, where Lepidus was still immersed in his cartoon, which, unsurprisingly enough, was being drawn on the mark-sheet. And then, to his immense horror, he realized something else. Realizing what he had just realized, he removed a pair of pink fluffy earmuffs wrapped very snugly (and more importantly, tightly) around his ears.

_Oops. _

He nudged Antony very hard on the rib. This didn't prove to be very useful, and, in contrary to what Octavius had expected, did more harm that good, because Antony murmered, 'No mommy, I don't wanna go to school. The other kids beat me…'

'Ah, erm,' began Octavius staring at the empty sheet before him, pretending to read, 'yes, that was very impressive…uh…though I must say I expected more, much more…' it was now that he wished he watched shows like _American-idol, _more often, for he knew not of word of what should have been said. Why had he forgotten to take those earmuffs after waking up from his nap anyway? He wished he had, at the very least, known what song had been sung.

'When I first saw you,' Octavius invented, 'I thought you were very promising, but, ah, unfortunately…um…your legs are very nice though.'

'Excuse me?' said the contestant, who, Octavius noticed, for the first time, was a girl. She looked angry.

'Ah, um,' Octavius tried to think, 'you misunderstand me, what I meant was-,'

'Legs? _Legs? _Here I sing in this oh so beautiful voice, which has reduced the audience to tears-,' what the girl had said was true, for the audience were sobbing the words, 'her voice…her pretty voice' into their handkerchiefs, -'and all you notice are my legs?'

'All you men are the same!' shrieked a very large lady in the audience and threw a very red, juicy tomato at Octavius' head. It was so red and juicy that in other circumstances Octavius would have eaten it, and this was saying something as Octavius was a very hard man to please, especially with something as disgusting as food. Octavius hated eating, which was, in his opinion, a disgraceful and ill-mannered thing to do. He hadn't eaten in years. How he survived, no one knew, though many popular theories stated that he ate within the safety of his very well hidden bathtub.

'Hmph!' said the girl, 'you idio-,'

She didn't finish the sentence, for Lepidus had, at that very moment, put up his head and begun to talk.

'Your voice,' he said, 'was one of the most moving, touching, beautiful pieces of music I have heard. That such a voice exists, I knew not. Your song was heart-rending and poignant, so tragic; it reminded me of the losses that we all suffer and will always suffer. Thank you, young girl, thank you.' and then he wiped a big fat and extremely fake teardrop from the corner of his eye.

'Yes,' said Octavius quickly, 'and for this we award you, um, eight points.'

'Thank you judges,' said the girl, and then stopped to think over something and continued with her sentence, 'I mean, _judge.'_ And she gave Octavius a very threatening glare. Octavius didn't seem to notice this because he whispered to Lepidus, 'she had very nice legs, didn't she?' loudly, and well within earshot of the girl, who had not quite left yet.

'Stupid man, that Octavius,' she said loudly, though deep down inside, Octavius knew she was blushing. Or hoped so, at the very least.

The next contestant was –

'My name,' said the contestant, 'is Robodude. I have cherished a long desire to be a singer. I have always cherished this dream, and am grateful that this may now be true. I shall now sing

_I'm too sexy for my shirt,_

_Too sexy for my laser gun,_

_Too sexy for the button at the back of my neck,_

_To sexy to have fun,_

_Too sexy…'_

Octavius put his earmuffs back on; the robot's voice was sharp and metallic and reminded him of torture, those prisons they used to burn Jews in, homework, math, pointy swords, knives, tanks, machine guns, sushi, and other similar things that made Octavius want to vomit (_You have to eat to be able to vomit_, Octavius told himself, and this thought comforted him for the next half-an-hour or so). Lepidus went back to his cartoon and Antony, in his sleep, started talking crap, 'Mommy? How come Caesar prettier than me? All the boys make fun of me.'

At the end of this song, Robodude started firing bullets everywhere for what he later explained as 'a nice dramatic ending'. The trouble was that everybody else ran away, ('I'm not normally scared,' explained Cassius, 'but those bullets didn't look very friendly.') and only Caesar was left.

'You all,' Caesar addressed a nonexistent crowd, 'must be wondering how I was at home and am now here.'

Due to lack of reply, Caesar gave the answer himself, 'well, I realized how much you all must miss me. I also wanted a go at singing.'

And he started, '_Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know?_

_That something wasn't right?'_

He sang _Hit me baby one more time _in the most disgusting and horrible way it has ever been sung in the history of the universe. As Octavius shrieked in agony, even the sleepy Antony woke up and cried his heart out, yelling the words, 'Oh ye gods! Save us!' at regular intervals. Lepidus quickly stole Octavius' earmuffs while the latter wasn't looking and giggled in a very evil way inside his head.

'_Hit me baby one more time!' _Caesar concluded after what seemed like a hundred-thousand years, although that wasn't really possible because Octavius' watch said that only five minutes had passed since Caesar had started singing. This fact seemed to surprise Octavius to a great extent.

'Five?' he asked Antony, '_only_?'

'It may have been a hundred thousand years-and-five minutes,' said Antony wisely (the way he said it was wise, though the fact he has stated was the most stupid thing a person could think of), 'that would explain what your watch is saying.'

'What?'

'Or maybe there's a mistake with your watch.' Antony wasn't very fond of watches that gave the wrong time; they always made him late for something or the other (resulting in him having to suffer Cleopatra's wrath). And hence, he, taking out a very hammer, which he always kept with himself for protection, and smashed Octavius overly expensive gold watch into millions of teeny weeny pieces.

Octavius immediately started to sob uncontrollably.

'No use crying over spilt milk,' said Antony saintly.

'WHY YOU-; but Octavius was stopped in the middle of his sentence.

'We must give the marks,' said Lepidus gravely.

'Ar, um, ten points,' suggested Antony.

Octavius and Lepidus gave him a disbelieving and shocked look, 'what?'

'He's my friend, you know,' said Antony.

'I was thinking one mark,' said Lepidus.

'My friend,' Antony repeated.

'He's my uncle and Lepidus' friend too,' said Octavius, 'it's not fair.'

'You didn't even hear the other guys, that gives Julius first prize, right?'

'But it's cheating,' Lepidus pointed out.

'FRIEND!' Antony shrieked.

'The girl sang nicely,' said Octavius, 'I think she should win.'

'You had your earmuffs on!' said Antony accusingly.

'How would you know, you were sleeping!'

'Friend…'

'CHEATER!!!'

This continued for about five minutes or so. Finally, it was decided that the winner would be declared after an arm-fight between Antony and Octavius. If Antony would win, Caesar would, if Octavius, the girl would.

Octavius won, but when he went over the girl's house to give her the prize, he got it thrown back at him along with a tight slap across the face.

'MY LEGS I ASK YOU!' she shrieked, slamming the door on his face.

Octavius sat down and cried.

------------------------------------------------------------------

_**A/N- Okay, next chapter will be out…um….ahhh…review for now. I'll finish this story within this lifetime.**_


	29. Chapter 29

_**A/N- Great, my internet connections crazy again. Don't know when it'll work again. And I still have no idea what is happening in my story, even though I wrote it. I just saw the JC movie though, and, wow, it was BORING. They cut out Cinna's part.**_

Caius Cassius was doodling on his textbook. Though doodling looks like simple, straightforward work, it isn't really that easy, especially if you are a perfectionist (Caius wasn't a perfectionist, but Brutus' company does have a little influence on a normal person's mind.) The doodle must always be just right; the shades of black, white and grey must always match each other and be in just the right proportion. The doodle must neither be too large nor too small. It must somehow fit itself on a corner of the page, so as to not block important studying matter. It must also be rather uninteresting; an overly beautiful doodle, a masterpiece, does not suit itself, for a doodle is not a painting.

Cassius wrinkled his brow in concentration.

'Class, class, you must pay attention,' Shakespeare told his English class. He was trying to explain to them that a double negative wasn't always necessarily correct grammar.

'Just because I use them,' he expained, 'doesn't mean it is right.'

'But you're famous,' Portia protested.

'You forgot your hand,' said Shakespeare, who had a strange obsession for the raising of hands rule, and also couldn't think for a decent reply to all her problems, 'and I shall therefore not answer you. From this we learn an important lesson; manners are of utmost importance-,'

'But she _did _raise her hand,' said Brutus, as confused as ever. School rules were something he forever failed to understand.

'But you did not,' Shakespeare told his tragic-hero, 'therefore; I shan't not listen to you either.'

'Two negatives make a positive,' said someone at the back of the class. He had raised his hand really high before speaking that even the teacher couldn't ignore him. He felt extremely proud of his decision to do so.

'Yes,' said Shakespeare, 'I do agree, but sometimes, um, oh look, Antony there has a question. Yes, Antony?'

'What are hybla bees?' Antony asked curiously.

'Yes, yes, excellent question,' said Shakespeare, 'would Cassius care to answer? Cassius?'

Casca nudged Caius so hard he nearly fell off his chair.

'_Idiot! You spoilt my doodle! _Yes, sir?'

'Hybla bees?'

Caius cleared his throat loudly, and spoke in a deep, slightly accented voice, 'Antony,

The posture of your blows are yet unkown;

But for your words, they rob the Hybla bees,

And leave them honeyless.'

Everyone cheered. Caius bowed, with tears in his eyes; the honour was all too much for him.

Along with the cheering, Caius' tears increased at an alarming rate. One of his contact lenses fell off. He sobbed even more at its loss as it had been horribly expensive. Then the other lens too succumbed to the pressure of the salty water leaking out off his eyes. This upset him doubly, as two lenses cost two times the price of one (this is simple unitary method, hello?) The water was soon all over him. It flowed over his now puffy red cheeks. The tears then somehow found their way into his nose, and from there, into his mouth. Because of this, he felt choked (it is difficult to breathe with tears in one's nose). And the icing on this big fat chocolate cake was that, the tears tasted bad. This led to even more tears.

'Now, now Cassius,' said Shakespeare, 'there is absolutely no reason to cry.'

'I even forgot why I was crying in the first place,' bawled Caius pathetically, 'I am _so _stupid.' And indeed he was - which unfortunately, led to more tears.

'I think it was something about a particular breed of bees,' said Portia. The class agreed.

'Okay, okay, we'll forget those bees for the moment then,' snapped Shakespeare.

'My question…' Antony objected.

'Yes, Pindarius shall answer it,' said Shakespeare, 'Pindarius?'

There was no answer.

'Pindarius?' Caius cried out, 'I need a hanky, Pindary, fetch me one ... wow, I haven't seen Pindarius in a long time.' And indeed he hadn't.

'Has anyone seen him?' asked Brutus.

'Who's Pindarius anyway?' said Octavius.

'I like his name,' said Antony conversationally, 'it rhymes with my own, _Antonius-Pindarius. _See?'

'Mine too,' added Octavius.

'What about Pindy?' said Caius. He looked accusingly at Shakespeare.

'Ohh…ahh, I forgot to tell you guys something. Oh, look, bell rang, gotta run,' said Shakespeare, who had already begun to pack his bag.

'But the bell did _not _ring,' said Portia.

'Maybe you are right, and maybe you are not, but you didn't raise your hand.'

Caius raised his hand, 'Where's Pindy?'

'He um,' said Shakespeare, 'he's in hell.'

**Somewhere far, far away -**

Albus Dumbledore sighed, 'why was I gay? I could've fallen for McGonagall any time I wanted.' (Dumbledore is a Harry Potter character.)

Pindarius looked at his glass of water. It was very dirty and full of insects.

'Doesn't anyone here care about hygiene,' he wondered aloud. He drank the water anyway as he had developed a sort of immunity to it. Insects did not bother him, he told himself, in fact, they were really tasty sometimes.

'Who am I kidding?' whinged Pindarius, 'I hate insects.'

'Drink juice or something then,' suggested Strato, 'they have spiders.'

'Big difference.'

'Spiders have _eight _legs, not six. And they belong to the class _arthropoda_, not _insecta_. Plus, they taste loads better.'

'Are you kidding? They've got all those calories!' replied Pindarius, shocked. In hell, everything had more calories. Even plain water made you balloon up till it hurt. That was the price you paid for having sinned.

'Bleah,' Pindarius continued, 'that Cassius didn't do me a favour by saving me. I wonder why I served him, washing his clothes (even his underwear sometimes) and combing his hair…and look where he landed me. Here.'

'I hope you've learnt your lesson,' said Strato, munching on his spider.

'Not to be nice and not to do what your master tells you,' said Pindarius, 'yeah.'

'I've learnt mine too.'

'And what's that?'

'Brutus is stupid. He took advantage of me being sleepy. I didn't realize I was killing him.'

'That's honest Brutus for you.'

'My life has some smatch of honour…I didn't realize that was an insult. A smatch, I mean, seriously. How much is one smatch?'

'Twenty-five kilos, approximately, I think.' He opened his notebook to check.

'Who am I kidding?' Pindarius continued, 'I have nothing written in this notebook.' He threw the notebook aside where it crushed a giant cockroach with. These giant cockroaches were big, brown and ugly. They were very common in Hell, where they were bred at lightning-speed. Their antennae were used for whipping convicts. The cockroaches were slimy and were weapons to spread diseases. They had twenty-five hundred and eighty four eyes so that they could find hiding prisoners quickly enough. They also smelt really, really bad.

'Ew,' said Pindarius. White gooey stuff was oozing out of the cockroach's broken back.

'Hey,' replied the crushed cockroach in a wheezy voice, 'I don't exactly like my job either, so you can quit complaining and throwing things at me.'

'Sorry,' said Strato on Pindarius' behalf, since the latter looked close to throwing up.

'Its quite all right,' said the cockroach, 'don't give me an excuse to whip you, and get this wretched notebook off me.'

Strato took the notebook off it. Pindarius winced.

'I shall get going now,' said the cockroach. And he did.

'How are we ever going to get out of here?' moaned Pindarius, after the cockroach was well out of earshot.

Strato didn't reply. He had fallen asleep on his bed of cold, hard, stone, which was decorated with poison ivy and other plants that made you itch, and also served as dinner sometimes.

Pindarius, partly out of misery, and partly out of boredom, fell onto his knees and screamed as loud as he could, 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

**_Scene changes -_**

'Hmmm…' said Portia, 'I wonder why Shakespeare ran out on us, refusing to explain.'

'Maybe he needed to go to the bathroom,' suggested Octavius.

'Maybe he didn't want to tell us why Pindy was in hell,' said Caius, ignoring Octavius completely.

'Maybe he needed the bathroom really badly,' continued Octavius.

'Stop saying the same thing again and again!' said Antony angrily, 'it's irritating.'

'I wouldn't repeat myself if you would listen to me,' Octavius grumbled.

'Fine,' said Portia, 'you go check the bathrooms, Octavius.'

Octavius left.

'Poor Pindy,' said Caius sadly, 'and he used to wash my clothes real nice. They used to come out all nice and sparkly and white.'

Then the bell really rang and Robo-Dude entered the class.

'It is time,' he said, 'for mathematics. A science more beautiful than even music. _I'm too sexy for my-,_'

'Excuse me, professor,' said Brutus, raising his hand high into the air.

'Yes, speak, have you a doubt? Say it out loud, that the class may hear. What is your question? Is it the result of adding two and two? Or of multiplying them? For in both cases, my answer shall remain ever the same.'

'No sir, I wanted to ask if you knew something about Elizabethan Catholic belief.'

'Oh yes, I do.' He shot two bullets into the ceiling. The class cheered, which encouraged him to shoot another seventy-two of them into the same ceiling. It is a mystery how that ceiling still stands. We may never know.

'There was this one belief, which says that suicide lands you in hell.'

The class gasped. Robo-dude shot yet another bullet into the air.

'Then why and how am I here?' asked Brutus.

'Because you didn't commit suicide,' said Robo-dude pleasantly.

'I did too.'

'So did I,' said Caius.

'And me,' said Portia.

'No, no, no. Strato killed Brutus, Pindarius took Cassius' life, and Portia was much too unimportant to be thought upon.'

'Oh, so Pindy is in hell instead of me,' said Caius, 'and Strato instead of Bru.'

Robo-dude nodded. The nodding was much too much pressure on his delicate metallic head, which toppled off his neck immediately.

'YAY!' shrieked Antony. Then he, Caesar, and Cleopatra played football (soccer if you're American) with the head.

'No, no, no!' cried the head, 'arghhh…'

'We must,' said Caius, ignoring his teacher's wailing head, 'launch a rescue mission.'

'And Strato had some twenty-five kilos of honour in him,' said Brutus, his eyes wide open in shock, 'he cannot rot in hell.'

'Marry,' said Casca, who had woken up due to Robo-dude's shrieks, 'he must not.'

'And why mustn't he marry?' demanded Portia.

'I meant "in the name of the Virgin Mary, he must not",' said Casca, 'what are you, stupid? I was punning.'

'Hmph!' said Portia, who did not approve of such meaningless puns, 'okay, whatever. What about our rescue mission. We'll ask Shakespeare, wherever he is.'

As if it was a reply to her statement, Octavius' voice came out of nowhere and said, 'I have found him. He was in the bathroom, and a long time he was taking too.'

'Sorry I had to leave so suddenly,' said Shakespeare, 'ah, um. Whatever are you doing to that teacher Mark Antony? Such disrespect! I may have to expel you for such a hideous crime, it is simply not allowed!'

'I was only playing football, sir.'

'Oh, go on then. Somebody does need to improve the condition of sports in our school.'

'We must rescue them sir,' said Portia, 'imagine their suffering!'

'Oh, okay, you can go do that,' said Shakespeare irritably, 'I shall go have my lunch.' And he left.

'He's not exactly eager to help us, is he?' said Caius.

'We'll do this ourselves then,' said Portia. She packed her bag and stepped outside.

'Aren't you following me?' she demanded.

Caius, Casca, and Marcus Brutus stepped outside, wondering how they were supposed to get into hell.

_**A/N- I don't know if anyone's even reading this story now. I disappear for so long. Sorry, people, but I have to study a lot. I'm, like, super busy. And when I'm free, my computer stops working. If anyone actually bothered to read this, do review. And I promise, this story will finish within this lifetime.**_


	30. Chapter 30

A/N- I'm back

_**A/N- That's it, my exams are over. One very busy year is at my back and a busier one lies ahead of me. But that does not change the fact that I have a three month holiday. This story will obviously end soon now! **_

Portia opened a map.

'Okay,' she said, 'how do we get to hell?'

'Um,' said Casca, 'if they didn't manage to get out yet, do you think we will?'

'I suppose so,' said Portia.

'And how?'

'We are intelligent people,' she explained, 'luck shall favour us. That's what happens to the heroes on T.V, right?'

'We are _not _on T.V.,' Casca reminded her. It was a fact that greatly saddened him. He sometimes thought about, while lying alone at bed at night, crying his heart out. His eyes were already starting to water, as the great truth started to dawn upon him once more.

'Any ideas people?' said Portia, ignoring Casca.

'Titinius,' said Brutus suddenly.

'And how will he help us?' asked Caius, 'he's a busy busy businessman.'

'No, why didn't he reach hell?' said Brutus. He scratched his head, hoping that it would stimulate his brain and make an answer appear out of nowhere. Unsurprisingly enough, nothing happened.

'Probably wasn't important enough,' said Caius, with a half-smile on his face, 'like dear Portia here.'

'Hey!' said Portia, 'just because Shakespeare hates me…'

'He doesn't hate you,' said Brutus at once, 'how could anyone?' he was trying to be nice, which is more than what most husbands care to do. But no one listened to him.

'Then why wasn't I important enough?,' shrieked Portia, 'he never answers my questions in class either. He…err…forget it.'

'I think,' said Caius, 'that we need my fairy godmom right now. FAIRY GODMOTHER!!'

Nothing happened.

'Fairy Godmother!' Caius called out again. Again, nothing.

'Um,' said Portia, 'I guess we'll have to do this ourselves then.'

'But my godmother! She exists for a reason,' said Caius sadly, 'all right, don't look at me like that…fine, show us that map.'

The map was large and pretty. It showed various places of heaven like the shopping mall, the movie theatre, the bookshop, the elementary school (which was where Caius and the rest went to study), the coffee shop, the pet shop, the airport, the very, _very_ expensive restaurant which served ultra-miniscule food which had no apparent taste for thousands of hundreds of rupees, PizzaHut, McDonalds, a flower, and a tree. The foursome studied it for half an hour.

'I want that flower,' said Caius, after a deep study of the map.

'This place shows no exit,' Portia murmured sadly.

'Maybe we can jump over a wall or something,' said Casca, who was eyeing the PizzaHut very greedily. The pizza he was dreaming about was rapidly removing his ideas of not being on T.V. He allowed himself a small smile.

'Or,' said Caius, 'we can learn how to fly. Maybe Professor Robo-Dude can teach us. He told us he could fly, remember?'

'He was only bragging,' said Portia with such immense distaste, that it made her look like she was about to vomit, 'he's such a liar.'

'I thought Portia could fly,' said Caius, 'she had super powers, right?'

'Yeah, but what about you guys,' said Portia, 'I can't carry you all on my back, now can I?' she pictured in her head, Caius, Mark, and Casca all on her back, while she flew from one end of the universe to the other. She shuddered.

'You can teach us how to fly,' suggested Brutus. Flying had been his lifelong ambition. He imagined that he was flying whenever he was bored, or whenever he was doing something he didn't want to, like, for instance, killing Caesar. He had stabbed him while visualizing clouds of various shapes and sizes in his head. One of the clouds had looked like an awfully cute fluffy bunny. Brutus had loved that particular bunny-cloud. He wanted to name it Fluff-ball, but was unable to do so since the cloud had slowly drifted away, leaving him cold and lonely, with a blood stained dagger in his hand, and a man who was perhaps his father, lying dead, in front of him. Uh-oh.

'Uhh…' repeated Brutus, 'Ah, you would teach us how to fly.'

'Flying isn't an art that can be taught, Mark,' said Portia. She said this in her best wise-old-man accent.

'Then why don't you catch a plane?' asked the fairy godmother.

'Where did you come from?' asked Portia.

'Why didn't you come when I called?' demanded Caius.

'Who are you?' said Casca.

'I shall answer you all,' said the godmother, 'Firstly, I came from my house. Secondly, I didn't come when called since I was in the shower. And thirdly, I am Cassius' fairy godmother, and you dear, who are you?'

'I'm Casca,' said Casca.

'Very well,' said the godmother, 'we can catch a plane to hell.'

'The only plane here is Heaven Airlines, and it only travels from the bookstore to PizzaHut,' said Portia, 'and it doesn't even fly.'

'Ah, then we'll ask dear Tity how he escaped. Tity dear!'

'My name is not Tity!' said Tity, or, as he would like to be called, Titinius. The name 'Tity' sounds a hundred times cooler, but our dear friend here chooses to disagree.

'Where did you come from?' asked Portia.

'Where is your tie?' demanded Caius.

'Who are you?' said Casca.

'I am not here to answer your silly questions,' said Titinius bossily, 'I am here to tell you how I escaped the burning walls of hell.'

'And how did you escape the burning walls of hell?' asked Portia.

'My sweet Portia, it is a long long story,' said Titinius.

'Then get on with it!' snapped Caius.

'That I will,' said Titinius, stretching leisurely on Caius' puffy pink sofa, 'but first, I shall drink a glass of water. Who shall volunteer to fetch me one?'

No one volunteered.

'Oh, c'mon,' said Titinius, 'someone get me water!'

'Go get it yourself,' said Caius.

'Fine,' said Titinius, crossing his hands and sighing loudly, 'no story for you, then.'

'Someone get the man some water!' ordered Portia.

'Make Brutus do it!' cried Caius.

'Make Casca do it!' said Brutus.

'Make Cassius do it!' shrieked Casca.

'Hmph,' said Portia, and went to get the water herself.

_Shameful men, _she thought, _making the lady do all the work! Look at their manners…society is sexist._

But she got the water anyway. She handed it to Titinius.

'Thank you, dear Portia,' he said, and bowed so low that the goggles he had worn in a pathetic attempt to look cool fell off. Those goggles had been horribly expensive and were lined with platinum, diamond, and gold. The price of gold was coming up due to inflation, and Titinius had planned to sell them a hundred years from the present moment. (Sadly enough, a hundred years later, gold went out of fashion and was treated like dirt. Titinius had a hard time getting over the shock. He was finally forced to sell them to an antique museum that no one ever visited for a very minimal fee.)

'My goggles are on the floor. Someone pick them up!' he said.

'Someone,' ordered Portia, 'pick up the man's glasses!'

No one did, and hence, once again, she was forced to do the menial task herself.

'The story,' Caius reminded Titinius.

'Ah, yes,' sighed Titinius, 'it was a long, long ago, when men who beat up their wives were not punished-,'

'They still aren't,' Portia told him, 'in fact, in some parts of the world-,'

'Yes, but then it was more common,' said Titinius, 'Ah! The good old days, for men, at least-,'

Portia hit him really hard on the head with a heavy encyclopaedia which was created solely for the purpose of damaging things due to its size. The matter written inside it was also sometimes interesting to read.

'Forget it,' said Caius, 'we cannot speak on the condition of women without hurting religious sentiments and thousand year old traditions…oh damn! I think I hurt someone's sentiments just by saying this! Please don't throw me in jail…argh!'

_Somewhere far far away, the author is wondering whether what she has just written is OK. Ah, anyway, she's going to hell for reading _Harry Potter _and for creating gay characters. Well, it's not like she's making money out of this._

As Caius started screaming and running around the table in fright, Titinius winced, while Brutus wondered whether Caius was running for the entertainment of everyone else, and whether he should applaud.

'Calm down, Cas,' said Portia, 'or I shall hit you with the encyclopaedia.'

'No! Not the encyclopaedia!' Caius' eyes opened in shock, 'anything but the encyclopaedia! ANYTHING ELSE! I'M BEGGING YOU!' and he ran around some more.

Brutus started to clap, but stopped immediately at the sight of Portia's encyclopaedia.

Half-an-hour later, Caius started to feel terrible, painful stitches all over his chest. He sat down and begged for a glass of water.

'Absolutely not,' said Portia, wagging her finger at him angrily, 'I told you not to run! This is what you get from not listening to me!' and indeed, not listening to Portia was the greatest sin one could dare to commit. At least, according to Portia, it was.

'It wasn't my fault,' protested Caius, 'despite the fact that I forgot why I was running, I am sure I ran for a perfectly sane reason.'

'To amuse us?' asked Brutus, for the entire scene had amused him greatly, to the point that orange juice (with pulp) was streaming out of his nose in an extremely disgusting fashion.

'You did not run for a sane reason!' said Portia angrily, ignoring Brutus completely (which was not an easy task, due to the pulpy orange juice), 'you were running because you felt you were hurting delicate religious sentiments. That is no excuse for running around a table.'

'She has a point,' said Titinius/Tity, 'you must think of a better excuse immediately.'

'I felt like doing so and I needn't explain myself,' said Caius.

'Good enough,' said Titinius, 'and now, for my story.' He was desperate to tell his story as it would increase his importance. The fact that he wasn't being given the opportunity to do so annoyed him.

'What story?' said Brutus.

'About how I escaped the burning walls of hell!' said Titinius irately.

Brutus was happy that he had not been ignored and decided to use the golden opportunity to speak on, 'would that also explain why Pindarius had come to the meeting that had been organized a few months back and had been spotted hiding under a chair?'

'He, um,' Titinius paused for a moment, and then continued after some rethinking, 'my story shall clear all doubts in your mind, and shall tie up any loose ends to this story.'

'That's nice to hear,' said Portia, who was reaching out for the remote-control.

'Once upon a time,' began Titinius in a low voice. Unfortunately, his dramatic beginning was interrupted by the sound coming from the television which Portia had just turned on. Everyone glared at Portia.

'What?' she said, putting popcorn which had come from god-knows-where into her mouth, 'I love this movie.'

They were all forced to watch the movie which was extremely soppy, and involved the tragic love between a handsome man with a square jaw and brown hair and a beautiful woman with many plastic surgeries and wavy brown hair which was dyed blond. There was a lot of rain, some guns and a tank or two that killed some people, and injured some more. Everyone thought the handsome man was dead, but he wasn't ('Nice plot,' Titinius said very seriously.). This led to some kissing and a lot of something a little more than kissing.

'This is disgusting,' Brutus finally decided. He had shut his eyes tight with his hands in fear of seeing something that would give him nightmares.

'Is there anything more than this in the movie?' asked Caius, who was getting bored. He liked dramatic speeches, not sex scenes. They had no clever use of language. And anything without clever use of language sucked. That's what they should put in movies. A moment later, Caius realized why such things were not put in movies. Everyone but him and Brutus was deeply engrossed in the scene, and Caius was pretty sure that Brutus was peeking through his fingers.

By the time the movie had ended, Titinius said that it was late and he had to go home and Brutus had already fallen asleep.

'I guess we'll postpone the story a bit,' said Portia, 'there goes all our planning-,'

'The movie was your idea,' said Caius accusingly.

Saying this, he took a last bite of popcorn, and fell asleep too. Portia looked at him, shrugged, and fell asleep. The fairy godmother went to the bathroom, came out in a pink frilly nightdress, and fell asleep. Casca followed procedure.

'Well, uh, I'll get going then,' said Titinius.

No one answered, and Titinius stepped out of the door wondering how they all managed to fit in a single sofa.

Five minutes later, he came back, took some popcorn, and left again.

_**A/N- Okay, I know I don't update this story much. But I will from now on, so please review. I do need encouragement. The last time no one reviewed, I didn't update for half a year.**_


	31. Chapter 31

_**A/N – Thanks to Missy Lynne for reviewing. Why doesn't anyone else even bother? My feelings have been hurt. I know I don't update regularly but if you have read this, why won't you review? I'm not blind, I've seen the number of hits.**_

_**If you are wondering why I don't update regularly, its because I am now working on a full proper novel about an evil princess, a couple of fairies, and a curse. And I'm naming a character after Melissa because she always reviews…though she hasn't reviewed the third last chapter (this is a hint and, yes, I am that desperate for reviews). **_

_**Oh, and, by the way, the previous chapters may be screwed up because this site has stopped accepting paragraph breakers or something. I'll do some editing before I post more chapters. But for now, read on. **_

When Caius opened his eyes, it was well past noon. The sun shone with its highest intensity and showered sunlight and happiness in all of mankind, save the people who had sinus problems, in which case, it showered headaches.

'My head hurts,' said Caius at once. He looked around himself, and saw Brutus, Portia, and Casca with their eyes wide open, staring into empty space.

'Huh?' said Casca, who was busy playing a video game (Mario, to be precise) with an admirable audience consisting of Brutus, who clapped and applauded at every jump and murder of monsters which strangely resembled mushrooms. He even clapped when Casca lost sometimes ('It was a really nice fall,' explained Brutus.), and that annoyed Casca, but the best things in life come with a price tag. Brutus' clapping at the right moments came along with his clapping at the wrong one's too.

'It's probably because of my sinus infection. My doctor said I have one,' said Caius.

'You don't go to a doctor, you're scared of them,' Portia reminded Caius, 'it's probably because you overslept that you have a headache. You should've gotten up with us - we got up at seven - and used your time more productively. We've done loads of work without you. I hope you've learnt an important lesson. Early to bed and early to rise makes man, and woman – for women are superior – healthy, wealthy, and wise. You must follow this schedule everyday. Excessive sleep acts like a drug, Caius, it - '

'What productive thing did you do?' said Caius. He closed one of his eyes so half of his brain could rest while the other half listened to Portia's dull monotone.

'Well,' said Portia, who did not feel like admitting that all she had done was having watched T.V, 'we decided that we should call Titinius so that he can tell us how to escape hell. He left last night. I suppose he got bored of watching us sleeping – I take this as an insult, of course. I think we look very nice asleep, and that he should have had the decency to join us in our adventure to the hidden world of dreams.'

'I dreamt I had a pet rock; I named her "Rocky",' said Caius cheerfully, 'she was ever so loyal. She listened to everything I had to say ever so nicely. She had the patience of, well, a rock. She never got angry at me, for whatever reason.'

'I see,' said Portia.

'I miss her already,' said Caius, shaking his head sadly, 'I wished that dreams would continue forever.'

The doorbell rang and interrupted Caius' memories of his precious pet. It was Titinius.

'Hello all,' he said, bowing low and taking off his hat (which looked like it belonged to the sixteenth century and clashed horribly with his gold-platinum lined goggles) and hanging it neatly on a hat-stand. ('I always wondered what that thing's use was,' Caius told Portia, referring to the hat-stand.)

'It is very nice to meet you once again,' he said. He had obviously noticed everyone was giving him blank, confused looks.

'Its nice too see you too Tity, I mean Titinius,' said Portia,

'You look as beautiful as ever, Miss. Catonis,' said Titinius, as Portia raised her eyebrows.

'Your name's Catonis?' asked Caius, 'that's really neat.'

'I think we should get back to business,' said Portia, 'tell us your story.'

'I shall try. But no one must disturb me like they did yesterday,' said Titinius. He looked very pointedly at Caius.

'The movie was Portia's fault, not mine,' said Caius at once, eager to get the blame off himself.

'Hmph,' said Portia.

'We must stop blaming each other and get to work immediately,' said Titinius.

'You started it!' said Caius, folding him arms and staring at the ceiling.

'What did I say?' asked Titinius hotly.

'You looked at me in a funny way and subtly suggested that it was me who didn't allow you to tell your story last time – hey, do you know the "b" in "subtle" is silent?'

'I did not suggest anything!' protested Titinius, 'and everyone knows that the "b" is silent, what are you, stupid?'

'You're mean!' said Caius.

'Stop fighting,' said Portia, 'I take all the blame for yesterday…that doesn't mean you throw popcorn on me Casca -,' she dodged a flying piece of popcorn which ultimately landed in Caius' mouth, '- so now you tell us your story.'

'Well,' said Titinius, 'the guard asked me if I had done anything wrong, and I was like, 'no', then the guard was all like, 'but hadn't you killed yourself, and that too, by yourself, and not by a third person?' Then I said, 'Maybe. And the term you want to use is "second person", not "third person". Then the guard – who, I may add, was a disgusting and a very ugly cockroach – said, 'you're smart.' So I bribed him and he said, 'okay, you're free to go to heaven.'

'That's it?' said Portia, her eyebrows raised.

'Yeah, what were you expecting?' said Titinius.

'Sword-fights, dragons, nuclear bombs, and, yes, giant chessboards, doors with locks which had keys that could fly, riddles and bottles containing poison – opening the right one would involve logic, and, of course, a direct confrontation with Lord Vol – I mean, you-know-who.'

'What?'

'Something cooler than a simple bribe,' explained Portia.

'Life doesn't work like that,' said Titinius.

Caius yawned very widely and obviously.

'Are you saying,' said Brutus, 'that we save Pinadrius and Strato by bribing the cockroach guards.'

'It's the only option,' said Caius.

'But bribing is wrong!' cried Brutus. His eyes were wide open, and opened even wider as the horror of the situation hit him.

'So is being obscenely rich,' said Caius, 'and using protection.'

'Uh,' said Brutus. He was now terribly confused and went back to watching Casca play Mario.

'What will a cockroach do with money?' wondered Portia.

Titinius was happy that Brutus and Cassius had come up with the idea of bribing someone and had let him take all the credit, but he had no clue as to what a cockroach would do with money.

'They'll buy their lunch with it, obviously,' said Caius, 'I don't think their salary is very large, and they must feed themselves to survive.'

'Uh, I was going to say just that,' said Titinius.

'Well, then, it's settled,' said Portia happily.

Then the fairy godmother appeared.

'I have baked cookies for everyone!' she announced.

Everyone except Titinius pounced on a big blue bag hanging on her shoulder.

'I'm on a diet,' explained Titinius.

'Hey,' said Caius, 'there's nothing in this bag. YOU HAD SAID YOU BAKED COOKIES!'

The fairy godmother laughed. She continued laughing for five minutes, and after that she said, 'but I hadn't said I put them in this bag.'

'Well, so, it seems like the problem is solved thanks to my extraordinary genius,' said Titinius, puffing his chest out and beaming at everyone.

'But how are we going to get to hell?' said Portia.

'Titinius has a plan, of course,' said Brutus innocently. He looked with his eyes wide open at a blank Titinius and then said, 'he is ever so smart.'

'Ah, um,' said Titinius. He scratched his head and then said, 'it's a really sunny day.'

'So that's the solution?' asked Portia. She wondered how the sun was going to aid them on their mission of getting to hell.

'That statement was unrelated to anything else that we were discussing,' said Titinius, 'it was a simple statement that stated a fact – that today is a sunny day.'

'That plan sucks,' said Caius angrily.

'That wasn't a plan, Cassius,' said Titinius exasperatedly, 'it was a statement.'

But whether it was a plan, or a statement, or simply a very stupid thing to say, did not matter after a couple of seconds.

There was a large "poof" sound and a lot of clouds and smoke appeared out of nowhere. Strato and Pindarius appeared out of those clouds.

'How did you get here?' asked Caius, who had long ago learnt to ignore clouds in his living room, 'we were just coming to save you – though we hadn't quite done anything substantial as yet. And now, you're here! Oh, Pindy, how I missed you!'

Pindarius winced at the deliberate butchering of his name while Strato said, 'It's the thought that counts.'

'Once again, I, Titinius, have saved the day,' said Titinius.

'I thought this was Cassius' idea,' said Portia.

Titinius didn't reply.

There was another large "poof" and even more clouds and smoke. Shakespeare appeared out of nowhere.

'I have an announcement,' he said gravely.

Brutus frowned, and Casca began to cry. The tone of Shakespeare's voice meant something bad was about to happen. Was the free lunch at school now going to include spinach with tomatoes?

'Is that why you summoned Strato and myself?' said Pindarius, 'and I thought it was because someone missed me.'

'Yes, yes,' said Shakespeare.

'If you could have simply summoned them, why did you take so long?' asked Brutus.

'That is not your problem, they are here and that is all that counts.'

'What's the announcement?' asked Portia.

'It's that you've been here too long,' replied Shakespeare, 'it's not good for you. You will have to be reborn somewhere, as per your karma.'

'But I thought you didn't believe in reincarnation!' protested Portia, 'you're a Christian, you believe in heaven and hell.'

'I have changed my mind and have recently converted to Buddhism,' said Shakespeare, 'that means that you lot are about to be reincarnated. You shall lose your memories and shall be born as babies to families on earth.'

'What if we don't want to?' asked Caius.

'You will have to be born as babies,' said Shakespeare, 'you can't possibly be born as adults, now, can you?'

'Shakespeare has a point, Cas,' said Portia.

'But this wasn't heaven, you had proved that in the third or fourth chapter,' said the fairy godmother, who was now knitting a sweater.

'Yes, but since I'm a Buddhist now, that doesn't really matter,' said Shakespeare.

'So sucks for what could have been a very good plot,' said the fairy godmother.

'I don't know about much about that,' said Shakespeare, 'but more shall be explained to you, tomorrow, at school.'

'But tomorrow's Sunday!' said Caius. He looked like he was about to cry.

'Be there,' said Shakespeare, ignoring Caius' comment completely. There was a third "poof", more clouds, and Shakespeare disappeared.

Portia turned on the television and everybody watched it for five whole minutes before the gravity of the situation dawned upon them.

'Oh no!' shrieked Caius, jumping up and down on the sofa. A cushion burst and white cotton-like material was all over the room, and settling on everybody's heads.

'I washed my hair just yesterday…Oh no, Caius, Mark! What will we do! We're gonna die!' screamed Portia, covering her face with her hands.

'No, no, we shall live, weren't you listening to him?' said Brutus.

'In different ugly bodies that will gain fat whenever we consume calories,' said Caius, 'do you realize how awful that is?'

'At least I am in the habit of dieting,' said Titinius proudly.

'That's gonna be erased from your memory, you know,' Portia reminded him. She then decided to give her best friend some company and stood up on the sofa and started jumping up and down .

Then Titinius started screaming and jumping on the sofa too.

'I have really good karma, you know,' said Casca. He grinned at everybody and then said, 'what's karma?'

'Its something that people who stabbed their friends don't have,' Caius told Casca.

'Caesar wasn't my friend,' said Casca.

'But you stabbed someone,' said Caius, 'that's good enough to rob you of any karma.'

'Oh no!' cried Casca and jumped on the sofa as well.

'I am a stoic,' said Brutus, ''tis does not effect me.'

But he did not enjoy being left out and jumped on the sofa nevertheless.

It is needless to say that the sofa was rendered useless.

_**A/N – Another twist…MWAHAHAHA! Review!**_


	32. DAY 1 THE SECOND LAST CHAPTER

_**A/N – Well, I had said that I'd finish this story within one lifetime. Why I am explaining myself to nonexistent readers of this story, I do not know. And to those who care, I got a 94 percent on my board exam. Yay me!**_

_**And now I'm in a dilemma. Should I pair up Cassius and Brutus, or Cassius and Titinius? Tell me in your review!**_

_**Anyway, do review. Otherwise you'll get an unwanted ending. And tell me if you find any mistakes, I haven't spell checked this at least ten times, like I normally do.**_

We have already seen the extreme passion our hero has for school on normal days. It is therefore, hardly necessary to describe what he felt for school on holidays.

Tears fell out of his eyes and fell into his nose through the cavity that connected them both. The nasal cavity was further connected to his ears through a Eustachian tube and reminded him of how much he hated biology.

'And dissecting animals is murder,' he said.

'Its also banned by the government at school level so as to not hurt the sentiments of little children,' Portia reminded him.

'Your point being?' said Caius.

'Quit complaining.'

'Point taken,' said Caius. He drummed his fingers on his desk which had the lyrics of a bad-worded rap song carved into it. He wondered why he had wasted so much of his precious time making them up when they obviously made no sense. He wished he could've been a proper rapper but then decided that he didn't fall into depression and to land up in jail for murder. He would just be a peaceful listener. (Plus, he had tried to rap once, and people had cried and had thrown things at him. Another childhood dream lands up, yet again, in the dustbin.)

He was about to tell Portia his plan when Shakespeare entered the room.

'I see you have all received my message and have arrived on time,' he said gravely. His hands were folded together and his eyes were narrowed. And then, all of a sudden, he opened his eyes as widely as possible and winked at the class. He was hoping that someone would notice his brand new mascara which had cost a lot of money. Nobody did and it was assumed that he had dark-circles due to lack of sleep. His abrupt winking was attributed the same reason.

'We obviously received your message, sir. You had delivered the message personally,' Caius reminded him.

'Yes, but not to everyone,' replied Shakespeare angrily. He had a right to be angry, for the students were furious. Most of them were standing on their desks and screaming.

'How come you didn't invite me personally!' screamed Antony, 'that cold e-mail forward was not appreciated!' He threw a paper ball on Shakespeare's bald head.

'Neither was that,' said Shakespeare, rubbing his head, 'how many of you know why you are here on a beautiful Sunday morning which would have, under normal circumstances, been wasted on sleep?'

'The forward said it was for a very important reason,' said Antony.

'The forward was absolutely correct,' said Shakespeare.

'It's because you have converted to Buddhism and we're all going to be reborn,' said Caius quickly.

'Thanks for the spoiler, Cassius,' said Shakespeare sarcastically. But the sarcasm didn't help and the damage was done.

If people had been standing on their desks and screaming earlier, they were now standing on each other's heads and emitting strange ear-piercing, high-pitched noises that sounded like an uglier version of police sirens.

Shakespeare winced and tried to calm everybody down. He finally gave up and told Portia to give the class the details,

'I'll send you all an email about this later,' she told the class and left. Everybody else got off their friends' heads and followed suit.

Caius, instead followed Shakespeare to the staff room.

He looked in through the window and saw Shakespeare sitting alone in the room, drinking a cup of tea. He entered into the room and was surprised to see that it was lighted by baby-blue light bubs and was decorated with a _Garfield_ wallpaper and thousands of inaccurate self-portraits of Professor RoboDude.

'This is so sudden,' he told Shakespeare.

'I know, I know, but what was I supposed to do? You were all so bored here. And your education is nearly complete now. I think you are all ready for a fresh start.'

'It took you long enough to decide that we needed one,' said Caius.

'Fairly long, yes,' agreed Shakespeare.

'But this isn't really heaven,' said Caius, 'what about all the hard work that went into proving that?'

'You'll get to your real heaven after you attain Nirvana,' said Shakespeare.

'I don't know what you mean by that, but I'm sort of disappointed. Nothing happened in my love life.'

'You have the rest of your existence to worry about that.'

'I'll be around even a million years later. Don't tell me I'll develop a love life then.'

'You will if you're lucky.'

'What do you mean?' asked Caius, shocked.

'I was joking. I'm sure things will work out. But you only have two days time.'

'WHAT?'

'You have two days time. After that you will be reincarnated. Sort things out by then.'

'I can't possibly do that! I couldn't do anything in over two-thousand years. And now you're giving me two days! How do you know things will work out?'

'Well, now you have a time limit, so you'll get to work.'

'And what am I supposed to do? Follow an evil plan to rip apart my two best friends. You know I'm kinda bad, but I'm not evil. I'm not a villain. Plus, I need all the karma I can get.'

'But you have to do a lot of work in two days. Now get going. I am only wasting your time.'

Caius wanted to shout at the old man in front of him, to hit him with the cup of tea he was drinking, but then realized that it would make him look like he had a bad temper. And now that karma existed, and there was no such thing as a "happily ever after in heaven". Such things mattered.

Caius left the room without protesting, but slammed the door loudly on Shakespeare's face, hoping that the act would not earn him any minus marks.

He had passed through the gates of school when he saw Titinius leaning against a wall checking his messages.

'Hi,' said Caius.

'Hey,' said Titinius, 'I can check my email on my mobile now.'

Caius took a peek at his ex's phone. It (the phone) was well over two years old but Caius chose not to tell him that.

'That's really nice,' lied Caius, who had been checking his mail on his phone ever since he had been born.

'I know,' said Titinius, straightening his tie. 'Oh, look, I have a message from Portia. What would she want to say to me?'

'We may never know,' said Caius.

Titinius raised his eyebrows at Caius and said, 'Sometimes, I don't get you.'

'I was trying to be funny,' explained Caius. His sense of humour was poorly developed and he did not need reminding of that.

Titinius shrugged, gave Caius a half-smile and, 'We won't know what it says unless I check. Oh, darn, it's a stupid forward. I hate forwards. There was this one which said that if I didn't forward it to everyone on my list, I would fail my exam.'

'And?'

'I didn't have anyone on my list.'

'What about your exam?'

'I topped the class yet again,' said Titinius proudly.

'So obviously the forward was a hoax.'

'Obviously,' said Titinius, pursing his lips in thought. He decided that, technically, he had forwarded the email to everyone, that is to no one, on his list. Hence, he had passed. But explaining that to Caius would involve more time and effort than he could afford. After all, he had only two days.

Titnius opened the message and read it aloud,

'_Dear whoever you are, _

_It is with deepest regret that I inform you that you are all going to be reborn on earth due to special circumstances. All this will be based on your so called "karma", so I hope you have all done your good deed for the day. The exact date for the reincarnation is unknown, although I am positive that Caius Cassius, and for some reason, Titinius, are aware of it. I shall miss you all._

_-Portia Catonis.'_

'That's not a forward,' said Caius. 'Portia wrote it herself. You don't have to look so sad. Someone remembered you.'

'Whatever,' said Titinius, 'it also says -

_PS. Please forward this to everyone you know. I've lost my diary (the one with all my contacts' contact numbers in them.) Thanks, Tity.'_

'But you don't have any contacts,' said Caius worriedly.

'I never bothered to note down anybody's email, for some reason.'

'So what will you do now? Portia is depending on you to spread the message.'

Titinius sighed. 'Why would she tell me to tell everybody?'

'I don't know, it's your responsibility now,' said Caius. He was about to run away when Titinius said, 'Unless I pass it on to you.'

Caius then did run away.

A minute later, his phone rang.

"Luver-boy Sexy-sexy Tity" was calling. Caius cringed and wondered why he had never bothered to change the name under which Titinius' number had been stored. He made a mental-note to do it later and decided that Titinius was not really sexy and that the inspiration that had made him write that he was so had been a product of his overworked imagination.

He waited for three rings so that he would not sound too desperate and then said,

'Yeah?'

'Listen, I don't have enough friends to forward this message to, will you do it for me?'

'I am not your slave, luver bo – I mean Tity – I mean Titinius. Titinius.'

'Yeah, I'm Titinius,' said Titinius from the other end, 'you ran away before I could tell you to spread the message.'

'I have better things to do, Titinius,' said Caius, 'there's this really important meeting I have to be at in five minutes so -,'

'Meeting? But you don't even have a job!'

'What do you know?'

'Fine, we'll split the job in half?'

Caius was astounded at Titinius' stupidity. How could such a job be split in half? How? It would only cause more confusion. It would be a waste of time.

He hung up on him.

He looked at the sky for two minutes and then whispered dramatically, 'Two days left. Day one begins.'

And then, out of the blue, his phone started ringing again. It was a number that seemed vaguely familiar, but Caius could not quite place it. He could remember dialing it more than once, however.

'Yeah?' he said, picking it up.

'Hello,' said a cool female voice that sounded as if it was computer-generated.

'Hi,' replied Caius. He had not heard that voice before.

'I am a new villain to this story, also upset due to lack of my importance to the plot. No body ever ships me with anyone and I haven't had a date for such a long time, because everyone thinks I am a loser.'

'So what villain-like thing did you do?'

'I have destroyed your love-life.'

'And what do you know about my love life?'

'I have read your diary.'

'WHAT? That's not a very nice thing to do, you know! And I didn't keep it lying around this time. I had devised a very clever password. You needed to know that to open it. Hence, I conclude that you are a liar.'

'You mean your name, Cassius? Yes, yes, a very clever password. It took me an entire minute to guess it.' The voice then laughed cruelly.

Caius bit his lower lip. It had taken him a couple of months to think of a suitable password for his diary. He wanted to cry, but then realized that the voice did sound familiar. Like he heard it every day. It wasn't Portia's, that was for sure. Her voice wasn't cold and robotic. And Calphurnia wasn't going to bother herself with such unimportant and not to mention, completely stupid, matters.

And it wasn't like he, Cassius, was ever shipped with anybody, being such an insignificant fictional character himself.

Then a loud booming voice came out of nowhere, 'YOU LOT ARE GOING TO BE REBORN. END OF STORY. GOODBYE. AND TITINIUS, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ANYONE ANYTHING. THIS IS PORTIA, BY THE WAY. I LOVE YOU ALL.'

And then the screaming started.

Caius sighed loudly, but didnt manage to block the screaming which was deafening. His ears hurt, but he ignored the feeling and pretended that he was sitting in an aerplane. He was thinking of spending all his money on chocolate since he was allowed to carry neither weight nor gold through different dimensions.

He turned around to see that Titinius was standing right in front of him.

They were nose-to-nose and Caius wondered if he had remembered to brush his teeth that morning. Since Titinius wasn't making a disgusted face, he assumed that he had.

'Well, that frees me from the responsibility,' Titinius said.

'Indeed it does,' said Caius.

'I have ten million rupees - for I have absolutely no idea what Roman currency is called - saved up in the bank and I don't know what to do with them.'

'Wow. I had to survive on fifty rupees a week. I used to draw unemployment money from the government.'

'You can do that? Silly me. I've worked so hard and saved all this for nothing.'

'I suggest you go on a shopping spree and buy fattening foods.'

Titinius frowned, 'I have never shopped in my life before. My mum used to do it for me. The flowery dresses she bought me sometimes were't very flattering, though.

'Then I must help you!' said Caius, who prided his ability to waste money above everything else.

And so, Caius and Titinius went shopping. They bought a variety of outfits (expensive, branded ones), ridiculously priced perfumes which smelt like oranges, roses, lilies, yellow daffodils on a wide open field which stretched on and on till the endless horizon, under a clear, sunny blue sky, pineapples, pomegranates with a hint of green apple, rotten fish, and that perfume branded under the name of Paris Hilton. They ate at an Italian restaurant (it might've been a French one, but our heroes didnt know any foreign languages and failed to understand the sign outside the restaurant) where miniscule portions of food were served on silver platters at an unbelievable price. But the variety of forks and spoons there was rather interesting and they amused themselves by examining them and making them walk and talk at the same time and they sneaked some into their pockets when the waiters weren't looking. Then they left the restaurant after tipping the waiter a million rupees and ate at McDonalds. They then saw models of dinosaurs at the museum. After that, they went to the amusement park and ate popcorn loaded with caramel. They then went on a roller-coaster which reduced Titinius to tears. To cheer him up, Caius bought them both rich chocolate-chip ice creams with the little money he had.

It was late evening when they decided to part. The sun was halfway down, and could be seen clearly in the horizon. The sky was a beautiful shade of lilac. The clouds were a bright orange colour which made them look happy and content. A soft breeze played with the leaves on the tall flowering trees of early spring, which were decorated with large pink and yellow flowers which shone with the pale rays of the setting sun and let out a fragrance which made them both feel rather drugged.

'I really haven't stayed on my diet,' said Titinius.

'It doesn't really matter,' said Caius. He felt at peace with the universe and thought that a new life, a new chance to live and to do new things would only make things more beautiful. He also felt like burping. The coke hadn't done him much good.

Then Casca came out of nowhere. He offered them two glasses of lemonade.

'I have learnt how to cook,' he announced.

'Making lemonade counts as cooking?' said Caius, surprised. This was news. Why hadn't he ever tried to make lemonade and to thus use his cooking skills to impress people? Especially good-looking people.

Caius took a glass.

'No, not that one, Cas, that one has very little sugar. Our dearest Tity is on a diet.'

'Not anymore,' said Tity, but he took his own glass from Caius nevertheless.

Caius took his own glass and took a sip. He hastily spat it out.

'You didn't like it?' pouted Casca. The pout did not suit him.

'No, no, I loved it. I spat it out because it was too good for me.'

'Thank you. It's a recipe I developed on my own. Water and yellow colouring substance. Clever me. Who would ever think I had all this talent buried inside me?'

Titinius, however drank his entire glass in one go. He staggered, but only for a few seconds, and then stood still and clutched his head.

'What happened?' asked Caius.

'I…argh…stupid me. I've got to go.' He looked down at his shirt which was pink with white flowers and had ice-cream stains on it and immediately left without any "goodbyes".

'That was rude,' said Caius, watching Titinius walk towards his home very stiffly.

He then looked at the glass, Titinius' glass of "lemonade", which was now in Casca's hand. He then looked at Titinius turned back, walking down the street. He then remembered the robotic woman's voice.

He knew where he had heard her accent before, and how it would have managed to poison Titinius' drink.

'Casca,' he said sharply, 'you don't have a robot-like sister do you?'

_**-END OF DAY ONE-**_

_**-Dramatic sound effects-**_

**_A/N - I hope at least one person has read this story. Please review. I know I never update, but it's not my fault. I'm a busy person._**


End file.
